Am I psychotic or is this normal?

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If she's asking why he likes her, it's a sign that she's attached emotionally as well as physically and if he keeps her around just for sex, he might really be in trouble later. "Limiting" the relationship is easier said than done.

But don't guys do that all the time anyways? They don't care that the girl is attached, as long as she doesn't start acting crazy.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

But don't guys do that all the time anyways? They don't care that the girl is attached, as long as she doesn't start acting crazy.

Acting crazy is debatable. Many people are led to believe they are in relationships (or there is a lack of definition and honesty, omission if you will), which then causes feelings to be hurt, and the result is "acting crazy." I personally wouldn't want to date a guy who wasn't 100% about me, but I'm pretty independent and really enjoy my own company as well as that of my friends.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Acting crazy is debatable. Many people are led to believe they are in relationships (or there is a lack of definition and honesty, omission if you will), which then causes feelings to be hurt, and the result is "acting crazy."

That's an excellent thread topic in itself.

I am hesitant of men who have "crazy exes," especially more than one. It almost always means that they are crazy themselves and have done something to either lead a woman on or to encourage crazy behavior.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

That's an excellent thread topic in itself.

I am hesitant of men who have "crazy exes," especially more than one. It almost always means that they are crazy themselves and have done something to either lead a woman on or to encourage crazy behavior.

Exactly, I've had some previous relationships with similarities (the guys were alcoholics, didn't meet any of them in bars or even when booze was around) and I don't know why that was, other than I have a caring and loving personality, which led me to stay longer than I should have. I am sure some facet of my personality attracts men with that to me, and they aren't bad people, but they have a huge struggle that I haven't experienced. I left when they decided to not get help for themselves as any conditions or ultimatums would have led to disappointments. If they, and only they, made the choice to get help, I'd stand by their side 100% and reconsider a relationship.

I do have one ex who I fully believe needs therapy (no physical addictions), and when he refused to attend couples counseling sessions I decided the relationship wasn't worth it to me. My theory was what he was so scared of and was the real issue with him would be addressed if he went. He tried to paint me as crazy but it failed, miserably, to the point it made him look guano. He kept flaking out on our sessions, making plans with me and disappearing, and when I said "no more of this, I am done, have a nice life" he created a lot of problems for me.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

That's an excellent thread topic in itself.

I am hesitant of men who have "crazy exes," especially more than one. It almost always means that they are crazy themselves and have done something to either lead a woman on or to encourage crazy behavior.

This is so true. It's such a red flag to me when a guy accuses his exes of being "crazy" or "psycho" or "bipolar." It doesn't take long to put two and two together.

I missed this thread the first go-around, so with that said, here's my take. I disagree with almost everyone in this thread, except 33girl. I don't think the OP really likes her, I think he'd just rather have her around than no one at all. All of you who are coming up with excuses are overanalyzing, the way waaaaaaaaay too many women do. Notice that no men in here are making excuses for why he really DOES like her. He even said he dosen't like her! Think about how much you have to be iffy on someone before you'll come to a message board and tell a bunch of strangers that you don't like the woman you're in a relationship with. Look, my boyfriend and I have differences, but I can sure tell you all kinds of things I like about him. I have to have more than a "feeling" to be with someone, especially the conversation part...how long can you go without talking to someone? That would drive me crazy, and I would think it would seriously limit the relationship's potential. Chances are the reason the two of you can't have a conversation is because you're either not comfortable with each other or you don't trust each other.

[LΩVE]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

This is so true. It's such a red flag to me when a guy accuses his exes of being "crazy" or "psycho" or "bipolar." It doesn't take long to put two and two together.

I missed this thread the first go-around, so with that said, here's my take. I disagree with almost everyone in this thread, except 33girl. I don't think the OP really likes her, I think he'd just rather have her around than no one at all. All of you who are coming up with excuses are overanalyzing, the way waaaaaaaaay too many women do. Notice that no men in here are making excuses for why he really DOES like her. He even said he dosen't like her! Think about how much you have to be iffy on someone before you'll come to a message board and tell a bunch of strangers that you don't like the woman you're in a relationship with. Look, my boyfriend and I have differences, but I can sure tell you all kinds of things I like about him. I have to have more than a "feeling" to be with someone, especially the conversation part...how long can you go without talking to someone? That would drive me crazy, and I would think it would seriously limit the relationship's potential. Chances are the reason the two of you can't have a conversation is because you're either not comfortable with each other or you don't trust each other.

Amen to the first part. I learned that the hard way during my young and impressionable stage when I dated an older guy that told me his ex's were all crazy. It didn't take more than a couple of months to see why. Some guys enjoy the attention and will cat and mouse a girl who really does like them until they go nuts.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Acting crazy is debatable. Many people are led to believe they are in relationships (or there is a lack of definition and honesty, omission if you will), which then causes feelings to be hurt, and the result is "acting crazy." I personally wouldn't want to date a guy who wasn't 100% about me, but I'm pretty independent and really enjoy my own company as well as that of my friends.

I think this is the issue. People don't talk anymore...it's like, either be my boyfriend or be gone. Our generation does this whole "vague" relationship bullshit that doesn't help anyone. Folks get attached, feelings get hurt.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I think this is the issue. People don't talk anymore...it's like, either be my boyfriend or be gone. Our generation does this whole "vague" relationship bullshit that doesn't help anyone. Folks get attached, feelings get hurt.

Truth.

[James]

I think its the whole: "Lets hang out" mentality. I'll pick you up at 8 and take you to dinner has been replaced with , meet me here. Or, come over.

It leaves even the guys in limbo as to what the heck is going on. We hesitate, lose the lead, and fumble it.

Assuming the guy knows how to lead at all.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I think this is the issue. People don't talk anymore...it's like, either be my boyfriend or be gone. Our generation does this whole "vague" relationship bullshit that doesn't help anyone. Folks get attached, feelings get hurt.

Originally Posted by James

I think its the whole: "Lets hang out" mentality. I'll pick you up at 8 and take you to dinner has been replaced with , meet me here. Or, come over.

It leaves even the guys in limbo as to what the heck is going on. We hesitate, lose the lead, and fumble it.

Assuming the guy knows how to lead at all.

Holy toledo, Batman. Where the hell have you been, James?

[James]

Hey gorgeous .

I have been playing with more real world toys/people rather than my imaginary (so to speak) friends on the internet.

So I have been a lot more passive on greekchat because of time constraints. And also, a lot of us are already talked out on topics

Originally Posted by OTW

Holy toledo, Batman. Where the hell have you been, James?

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I think this is the issue. People don't talk anymore...it's like, either be my boyfriend or be gone. Our generation does this whole "vague" relationship bullshit that doesn't help anyone. Folks get attached, feelings get hurt.

Are you referring to the whole "Friends with benefits" thing? It's something I do not understand about your generation. In my view, the difference between "friend" and "boyfriend" was about sexual involvement. If you are good friends and there is a sexual attraction, then, to me, that's a romantic attraction. Part of me can't help but wonder if, in these "friends with benefits" relationships, one of the partners wants it to be a committed romantic relationship and believes that eventually, the other one will "wake up" and realize that they should be in a relationship. I do think that tends to be the female, but I've met some dependent men who would do anything just to stay part of the person's life too.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Part of me can't help but wonder if, in these "friends with benefits" relationships, one of the partners wants it to be a committed romantic relationship and believes that eventually, the other one will "wake up" and realize that they should be in a relationship.

And usually when one or the other wakes up and wants to be in a relationship, it's usually not with their FWB.

...Heh!

[James]

Still with this girl?

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by James

Still with this girl?

No, she dumped me a few weeks ago. It was weird too. We where going to meet her parents for dinner one night when she texted me that she was having a bad day at work, and if I wanted to stay over her apt that night. I told her yes and that I hope her day turns out better.....and that was it. She never called me again or answered my texts. I texted her with a "let me know your ok" thing and she replied with:

I'm worried this isn't going to work out

me: what is going on with you?

her: don't have time to discuss or argue it. We should go our own ways.

WTF? we are seeing each other for four months and you break up over text? Not even have the decency to tell me to my face or call me?

There was no catalyst either. She went from," I can't wait to see you, stay the night over after dinner" to i never want to talk to you again in a snap. When I went over all the details with what happened to my friends, they all said the same thing. She was seeing someone else, and chose him over you .