Advice and status of my move in

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

I read all of the responses, and I appreciate you guys taking time out to offer me advice. You guys are great. Maybe I need to give more detail. I was sitting in the tv room watching tv and they're right down the hallway. I actually have to get up and walk that way to see them. When I got up, she's always sitting very close to him. I honestly don't think their knees need to be touching. When he walks her to her car how long does that take? Someone tell me. A minute tops? They're out there for at least 10-15 minutes at a time. He tells me they're talking about school. ok. in the fucking dark? Bullshit. No, I don't know her, and I only speak to the whole study group. It's not like a get into a conversation with them. I make them all something to eat, serve it to them and then I go away to mind my own business. She used to leave with them, but recently she started staying. Some other things I forgot to mention is how he dresses when the group meets at someone elses house. He used to dress really nice and somewhat trendy when we 1st got together, now he doesn't anymore. Only when he meets with that group. It's almost as if he let himself go when he's around me. I know I'm going to get the "insecure girl look" when I say this, but she's really pretty and any guy would be physically attracted to her, so I asked him is he physically attracted to her? He wouldn't answer at 1st and tried to blow me off. I told him to answer me, and he said "Ah, yeah, she's o.k. I guess, but you're taking things too far". I said "techinically" he's done nothing wrong because I haven't seen anything obvious in my face. Just signs of it. We've been together for a while and as far as I know of he's never cheated on me, and I've never had issues with anything until now. Something just isn't right, and why does she wear clothes the other girls in the group don't wear?

MysticCat you're right. Some things can be unreasonable, but in this case I think he should respect my wishes.

PrettyBoy, he's always respected himself and me, or so I thought. I agree, he should respect my wishes especially if I'm going to be his wife. And no there isn't anything wrong with him walking her to the car, but for 15 fucking minutes? And don't tell me you would be o.k. with that.

I agree with christiangirl 100%. If I'm reading what she said correctly. And yes, DSTCHAOS offers some of the best advice in D&R.

I want him to tell her. I just don't know how I can tell him to tell her. Guys, he just doesn't seem to care what I think. I'm his fiance'/future wife, shouldn't he listen to me and understand how I feel? We used to get along so well until she showed up. Relationships wouldn't be so hard if couples would just listen to and respect each other.

No, I wouldn't be o.k. with it. You didn't post any of this in your original post. Like I said before, he should respect your wishes and since he's not, IMO that's a problem. Respect is more to do with being treated as you would like to be treated. Your opinion needs to be heard and valued, and your feelings need to be regarded. Respectful people don't lose respect over time, they increase it. It doesn't sound like he's doing that with you. I could be wrong, but I'm responding to what you posted.

"Gretchen W", if I were you, I wouldn't jump into marriage with this joker. I wouldn't because a man should love his s/o completely, passionately and romantically, while serving her and giving her the respect she desires and deserves. Based on your post, I don't think you're being inscure.

Be careful, because cheating doesn't start overnight. A lot of times (and in your case) a man usually begins by conversing with a close female friend, it could be at work, a neighbor and in your case a study partner. The "conversation only" friendship then develops into a deeper relationship of trust and desire. One step at a time, the relationship is compromised by deeper feelings of trust and emotional dependence in the 3rd party, and if he doesn't stop himself, he'll cheat. Based on your post, it sounds like your fiance is headed in this direction. There's nothing wrong with having conversations with the opposite sex, I just think there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. There's also nothing wrong with him walking her to her car, but if I were him, the way I would have handled it, I would have said as I was walking down the hallway (based on your description) I would have said to you (if you were my fiance) "Hey babe, I'm getting ready to walk (her) to her car. Come walk with us." I would do that to put it out there who I am in love with. But then again, that's just me. Do what you want to do, but I would be careful, and think a little more into it before you jump into marriage with a man who doesn't respect your feelings.