Advice and status of my move in

[WVU alpha phi]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

I read all of the responses, and I appreciate you guys taking time out to offer me advice. You guys are great. Maybe I need to give more detail. I was sitting in the tv room watching tv and they're right down the hallway. I actually have to get up and walk that way to see them. When I got up, she's always sitting very close to him. I honestly don't think their knees need to be touching. When he walks her to her car how long does that take? Someone tell me. A minute tops? They're out there for at least 10-15 minutes at a time. He tells me they're talking about school. ok. in the fucking dark? Bullshit. No, I don't know her, and I only speak to the whole study group. It's not like a get into a conversation with them. I make them all something to eat, serve it to them and then I go away to mind my own business. She used to leave with them, but recently she started staying. Some other things I forgot to mention is how he dresses when the group meets at someone elses house. He used to dress really nice and somewhat trendy when we 1st got together, now he doesn't anymore. Only when he meets with that group. It's almost as if he let himself go when he's around me. I know I'm going to get the "insecure girl look" when I say this, but she's really pretty and any guy would be physically attracted to her, so I asked him is he physically attracted to her? He wouldn't answer at 1st and tried to blow me off. I told him to answer me, and he said "Ah, yeah, she's o.k. I guess, but you're taking things too far". I said "techinically" he's done nothing wrong because I haven't seen anything obvious in my face. Just signs of it. We've been together for a while and as far as I know of he's never cheated on me, and I've never had issues with anything until now. Something just isn't right, and why does she wear clothes the other girls in the group don't wear?

MysticCat you're right. Some things can be unreasonable, but in this case I think he should respect my wishes.

PrettyBoy, he's always respected himself and me, or so I thought. I agree, he should respect my wishes especially if I'm going to be his wife. And no there isn't anything wrong with him walking her to the car, but for 15 fucking minutes? And don't tell me you would be o.k. with that.

I agree with christiangirl 100%. If I'm reading what she said correctly. And yes, DSTCHAOS offers some of the best advice in D&R.

I want him to tell her. I just don't know how I can tell him to tell her. Guys, he just doesn't seem to care what I think. I'm his fiance'/future wife, shouldn't he listen to me and understand how I feel? We used to get along so well until she showed up. Relationships wouldn't be so hard if couples would just listen to and respect each other.

I'm usually a very jealous person, unless I feel secure in a relationship. Like everyone said, you're being extremely insecure and it's affecting your relationship. The part I put in bold- do you really think he's cheating on you right in front of your house? (or wherever you live). All it would take to get caught is you walking by a window- if something IS going on, I hope he isn't a big enough idiot to hook up with someone in plain sight.

What is he going to tell his friend? "My fiance thinks you're sitting to close to me" or "My fiance is upset that you don't leave with the rest of the group"? It even sounds ridiculous. As far as his outfits go.. maybe he's "let himself go" a little bit around you, or maybe he's just COMFORTABLE. You're getting married, he doesn't need to dress up every time you two are together, especially when you live together. Maybe he just doesn't want to look like a slob in front of his classmates- I'd appreciate that.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WVU alpha phi

As far as his outfits go.. maybe he's "let himself go" a little bit around you, or maybe he's just COMFORTABLE. You're getting married, he doesn't need to dress up every time you two are together, especially when you live together. Maybe he just doesn't want to look like a slob in front of his classmates- I'd appreciate that.

I agree.

Your issues aren't just about this girl. I get the feeling that you have more issues than just that. This is probably just where your frustrations come out the most.

[Gretchen W]

Originally Posted by WVU alpha phi

I'm usually a very jealous person, unless I feel secure in a relationship. Like everyone said, you're being extremely insecure and it's affecting your relationship. The part I put in bold- do you really think he's cheating on you right in front of your house? (or wherever you live). All it would take to get caught is you walking by a window- if something IS going on, I hope he isn't a big enough idiot to hook up with someone in plain sight.

What is he going to tell his friend? "My fiance thinks you're sitting to close to me" or "My fiance is upset that you don't leave with the rest of the group"? It even sounds ridiculous. As far as his outfits go.. maybe he's "let himself go" a little bit around you, or maybe he's just COMFORTABLE. You're getting married, he doesn't need to dress up every time you two are together, especially when you live together. Maybe he just doesn't want to look like a slob in front of his classmates- I'd appreciate that.

It didn't start out this way. I expressed my feelings to him about how I felt about her, and he laughed and said it's nothing. No, I don't expect him to tell her that way. I just expect him to keep his distance from her. It's just something about her. She rarely says anything to me, and just this week again, it's been the same long talks with her outside in front of her car. I haven't said much to him about it, in fact, I let it go, but it still bothers me. The sex, isn't even like it was. He says he's stressed because of school, and that may be, but when we were in undergrad, he never complained about that.

I think what I'm going to do, is do it back to him. I start my classes in the winter. I'll get a study partner too and see how he likes it.

[teena]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

It didn't start out this way. I expressed my feelings to him about how I felt about her, and he laughed and said it's nothing. No, I don't expect him to tell her that way. I just expect him to keep his distance from her. It's just something about her. She rarely says anything to me, and just this week again, it's been the same long talks with her outside in front of her car. I haven't said much to him about it, in fact, I let it go, but it still bothers me. The sex, isn't even like it was. He says he's stressed because of school, and that may be, but when we were in undergrad, he never complained about that.

I think what I'm going to do, is do it back to him. I start my classes in the winter. I'll get a study partner too and see how he likes it.

I was cheering for you up until you posted the bolded. That is silly and immature. Maybe it really is you.

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

I think what I'm going to do, is do it back to him. I start my classes in the winter. I'll get a study partner too and see how he likes it.

You are SO not ready to be married. I can't even begin to express how destructive this sort of behavior is in any relationship. "He hurt me so I'm going to do it back." Yeah, that's a great way of being in a mature relationship. Perhaps you should examine why it is that you are engaged to a man that you feel that you can not trust. Based on what you've said above, amongst other posts, getting married to anyone at this point would be a horrible idea.

[Jimmy Choo]

Since you are engaged you may want to give counceling a try. But I have to say my red flags would be up too. If he doesn't want to be honest in that enviornment kick his a$$ to the curb. Seriously.