Advice and status of my move in

[texas*princess]

I may be in the minority here, but based on what she's posted so far, I would disagree with those that say she's being crazy.

I feel like she has a reason to be concerned.

I will say though that him behaving differently is also a cause for concern. If he was previously the type of guy to try to ease his lady's fears and now all of a sudden he's spending all this extra time with this one girl that he KNOWS is causing problems with him and his finance, it's almost like he's doing that on purpose or something.

Unfortunately though, I don't have any advice to try to smooth things over with him.

I had a guy who behaved like that once and it was pretty much his way of telling me he didn't care about our relationship and no longer wanted to be serious. We were 4.2 seconds away from getting engaged. I'm very certain that if we did get married, we would have been divorced by now.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

I may be in the minority here, but based on what she's posted so far, I would disagree with those that say she's being crazy.

Nope. I agree with you.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

I may be in the minority here, but based on what she's posted so far, I would disagree with those that say she's being crazy.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Nope. I agree with you.

Just because you agree with her doesn't mean you're not both in the minority here.

I don't know that any of us are saying she's being "crazy." I think many of us are saying that the situation she's posting doesn't sound like it's really about the study partner -- it sounds more like it's about her insecurity, perhaps some conflict on both her and her boyfriend's part about whether this is what they really want, and the need to communicate openly and honestly.

As an example of the latter -- you talk about the need for him to respect her feelings. I agree with that up to a point, but I see little in her posts that indicates to me that she is respecting his feelings or demonstrating that she trusts him. After 20 years of marriage, I'd say that a good relationship isn't about her respecting my feelings or me respecting hers -- that's too simplistic. It's about finding the balance where we both feel respected and heard, and where, after compromise if need be, we each feel that we are respected by the other and that we are being true to ourselves. Lose that balance and everything else will go out of balance.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Just because you agree with her doesn't mean you're not both in the minority here.

I don't know that any of us are saying she's being "crazy." I think many of us are saying that the situation she's posting doesn't sound like it's really about the study partner -- it sounds more like it's about her insecurity, perhaps some conflict on both her and her boyfriend's part about whether this is what they really want, and the need to communicate openly and honestly.

As an example of the latter -- you talk about the need for him to respect her feelings. I agree with that up to a point, but I see little in her posts that indicates to me that she is respecting his feelings or demonstrating that she trusts him. After 20 years of marriage, I'd say that a good relationship isn't about her respecting my feelings or me respecting hers -- that's too simplistic. It's about finding the balance where we both feel respected and heard, and where, after compromise if need be, we each feel that we are respected by the other and that we are being true to ourselves. Lose that balance and everything else will go out of balance.

I know that. I just said nope because she's not the only one who feels that way.

True. I agree with you, as I do all of your posts in D&R. I certainly won't debate with you on marriage though, seeing that you've been married for 20 years. I think that's great!!! What I will say though, I still think "Gretchen W" should think twice before she marries this joker. IMO, I just see disaster based on what she's posted. Everyone handles their relationships differently, but for me I wouldn't put up with a 3rd party problem.

I still have to roll with texas princess on the issue.

[Gretchen W]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

I had a guy who behaved like that once and it was pretty much his way of telling me he didn't care about our relationship and no longer wanted to be serious. We were 4.2 seconds away from getting engaged. I'm very certain that if we did get married, we would have been divorced by now.

And this is how I feel. It seems like he doesn't give a shit anymore.