What happened?

[uk2011]

Originally Posted by Lala9825

I was rushing this year as a fresheman, and had some interesting results. I was very prepared going into rush with recs for every house, appropiate outfits, and conversations dos and donts. I went to all the houses with a positive attitude, and was smily, outgoing, interested in what was being said to me, and kept the conversation flowing. I went to all of the houses the first day, and thought I had great conversations with all of the houses, but i had an idea which two I wanted to cut. The next day my schedule said I had been cut from three of my top houses, and had to go back to my bottom two. The next day of rush I had the best natural conversations at 3 houses, only to find out the next day i got cut from all of my top choices except for one, and yet again had to go back to my bottom 2. Im all for giving sororities a chance, but I could NEVER see myself in the bottom two and would never wear my letters in public although I was still polite and friendly. Any advice about what may have gone wrong?

So I know that a lot of people are going to beat you up on this, but I completely understand. I got cut from two houses where I really felt at ease and the girls kept telling me how much they wanted to see me back the next day. When I got my schedule the next day, I saw that they had both cut me, and that I was going back to a house where I sat in awkward silence for 45 minutes. I didn't feel comfortable there at all, and the girls that I talked to acted like they were bored out of their mind.

I was completely shocked at the way it turned out, because it just seemed so random. I still don't know what happened, but on Pref night, I went back to another house I initially didn't really care for, and the girls were wonderful. I didn't end up joining that house, but I gained a newfound appreciation for them. I do love where I ended up but what was so hard for me was that the girls in the first two houses seemed so fake and I couldn't understand why they were telling me they loved me and hoped to see me back and then they cut me. I guess I'll never know.

So do what feels right to you, if you're still going through. I just accepted my Bid today, so I am completely new to all of this. But I did want to say that I understand, and I know what you mean.

[AlphaXi_Husky]

Originally Posted by uk2011

I couldn't understand why they were telling me they loved me and hoped to see me back and then they cut me. I guess I'll never know.

It could be that the girls you were talking to really did want you, just not as bad as others in the chapter wanted different PNMs. It is tough because you're right, you will never know (and I don't mean that in a snarky way).

[Tippiechick]

Originally Posted by uk2011

So I know that a lot of people are going to beat you up on this, but I completely understand. I got cut from two houses where I really felt at ease and the girls kept telling me how much they wanted to see me back the next day. When I got my schedule the next day, I saw that they had both cut me, and that I was going back to a house where I sat in awkward silence for 45 minutes. I didn't feel comfortable there at all, and the girls that I talked to acted like they were bored out of their mind.

I was completely shocked at the way it turned out, because it just seemed so random. I still don't know what happened, but on Pref night, I went back to another house I initially didn't really care for, and the girls were wonderful. I didn't end up joining that house, but I gained a newfound appreciation for them. I do love where I ended up but what was so hard for me was that the girls in the first two houses seemed so fake and I couldn't understand why they were telling me they loved me and hoped to see me back and then they cut me. I guess I'll never know.

So do what feels right to you, if you're still going through. I just accepted my Bid today, so I am completely new to all of this. But I did want to say that I understand, and I know what you mean.

I think 99% of us understand, as we have all gone through rush. Most of us have had a similar experience. But, few of us thought we were too good to wear a group's letters... It's all in the attitude.

[smiley21]

Originally Posted by uk2011

So I know that a lot of people are going to beat you up on this, but I completely understand. I got cut from two houses where I really felt at ease and the girls kept telling me how much they wanted to see me back the next day. When I got my schedule the next day, I saw that they had both cut me, and that I was going back to a house where I sat in awkward silence for 45 minutes. I didn't feel comfortable there at all, and the girls that I talked to acted like they were bored out of their mind.

I was completely shocked at the way it turned out, because it just seemed so random. I still don't know what happened, but on Pref night, I went back to another house I initially didn't really care for, and the girls were wonderful. I didn't end up joining that house, but I gained a newfound appreciation for them. I do love where I ended up but what was so hard for me was that the girls in the first two houses seemed so fake and I couldn't understand why they were telling me they loved me and hoped to see me back and then they cut me. I guess I'll never know.

Just because a sorority, who loved and wanted to see you come back, ended up cutting you does not mean they were fake. While I do not know their reason for doing so, I do know that sororities have many new girls they would love to see join them. Still, they cannot invite every single one of them. It is not possible for them to accept every girl that they want. Sororities can only take a certain number of girls.

To the original poster, don't expect things to change if you go through recruitment again with an attitude like that.

[uk2011]

Originally Posted by smiley21

Just because a sorority, who loved and wanted to see you come back, ended up cutting you does not mean they were fake. While I do not know their reason for doing so, I do know that sororities have many new girls they would love to see join them. Still, they cannot invite every single one of them. It is not possible for them to accept every girl that they want. Sororities can only take a certain number of girls.

I guess that's just a difference in opinion. If a girl tells me she loves me and wants to see me come back, and then cuts me, then of course I'm going to think thats fake. Emphasis on the telling me she wants me to come back. I'm sorry you think that's so wrong.

I think the original poster's attitude is pretty average. Did you not prefer some houses over others when you went through Recruitment? I can't imagine anyone NOT having a bottom two sororities on their list. If I fell in love with one sorority, it would be hard for me to wear another groups letters with pride. I agree that if you can't do that, then you're better off not joining.

I'm just saying that I understand what this girl feels like. Maybe because I'm fresh off an emotional recruitment week, too.

[smiley21]

Originally Posted by uk2011

I guess that's just a difference in opinion. If a girl tells me she loves me and wants to see me come back, and then cuts me, then of course I'm going to think thats fake. Emphasis on the telling me she wants me to come back. I'm sorry you think that's so wrong.

Ok, you just mention "girl" like she is the only one who can decide if you come back to the sorority. It is a sorority, so there are other girls who have a say too. I just don't think that it is fair for you to assume that she was fake. She could have really loved you, but she is not the only person that decides.

[uk2011]

Originally Posted by smiley21

Ok, you just mention "girl" like she is the only one who can decide if you come back to the sorority. It is a sorority, so there are other girls who have a say too. I just don't think that it is fair for you to assume that she was fake. She could have really loved you, but she is not the only person that decides.

I said "girl" because I talked to one girl at a time. It happened with three girls in one house and two in another, and apparently not just to me.

Listen, I am sooo sorry you all think I'm wrong for believing that particular group of girls was fake. But with all due respect, you weren't there, and no sorority is perfect.

Also: please re-read my original post. I said what was hard for me is that it all seemed so fake. Nowhere did I put down those two sororities, or sororities in general. I felt like the houses I visited were misleading. If you actually personally know the girls I'm talking about, then please, feel free to correct me. It just seems like maybe some of you all are arguing for the sake of arguing.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by uk2011

I said "girl" because I talked to one girl at a time. It happened with three girls in one house and two in another, and apparently not just to me.

Listen, I am sooo sorry you all think I'm wrong for believing that particular group of girls was fake. But with all due respect, you weren't there, and no sorority is perfect.

Also: please re-read my original post. I said what was hard for me is that it all seemed so fake. Nowhere did I put down those two sororities, or sororities in general. I felt like the houses I visited were misleading. If you actually personally know the girls I'm talking about, then please, feel free to correct me. It just seems like maybe some of you all are arguing for the sake of arguing.

You'll see when you are on the other side next year. An active can genuinely like a PNM and want her to come back, but if she can't convince the chapter to keep her over others (particularly if a chapter has to make a lot of cuts), she will get cut. I know I have liked PNMs that my chapter cut. I understand how it SEEMS fake, but it isn't necessarily fake.

Enjoy your new member period in YOUR chapter!

[Tippiechick]

Originally Posted by uk2011

I said "girl" because I talked to one girl at a time. It happened with three girls in one house and two in another, and apparently not just to me.

Listen, I am sooo sorry you all think I'm wrong for believing that particular group of girls was fake. But with all due respect, you weren't there, and no sorority is perfect.

Also: please re-read my original post. I said what was hard for me is that it all seemed so fake. Nowhere did I put down those two sororities, or sororities in general. I felt like the houses I visited were misleading. If you actually personally know the girls I'm talking about, then please, feel free to correct me. It just seems like maybe some of you all are arguing for the sake of arguing.

Hundreds of girls going through recruitment. Minutes to get an impression of someone. Decisions being out of your hands sometimes. You seriously think rush is some fabulous process where people become best friends overnight?

I have told girls I really liked them and would like to see them again. It was the truth. The truth was also that it might happen and it might not based on membership selection on both sides.

I would pay money to see you when you get on the other side of rush. When you pull so hard for a girl you really think would make a great sister, only to have said girl think the whole process seems fake because she didn't get voted through.

We're not arguing for the sake of arguing, sweetie. We're arguing because in the world of sororities, we actually know more than you.

[uk2011]

Originally Posted by Tippiechick

Hundreds of girls going through recruitment. Minutes to get an impression of someone. Decisions being out of your hands sometimes. You seriously think rush is some fabulous process where people become best friends overnight?

I have told girls I really liked them and would like to see them again. It was the truth. The truth was also that it might happen and it might not based on membership selection on both sides.

I would pay money to see you when you get on the other side of rush. When you pull so hard for a girl you really think would make a great sister, only to have said girl think the whole process seems fake because she didn't get voted through.

We're not arguing for the sake of arguing, sweetie. We're arguing because in the world of sororities, we actually know more than you.

Wow. THAT was uncalled for.

Listen, I think the girls I talked to were fake. I talked to dozens of other girls I loved in many different sororities, and even more that I loved in their same sororities. I am sorry you think that is so wrong, and that I am a "melodramatic bitch" for feeling that way. But I guess the great thing about life is that you can make that opinion about me, without actually knowing me. Just like I can make an opinion about the few girls who came across to me as being fake.


Also: please understand that I am NOT angry! I am angry at this conversation, not at my Recruitment experience. I had fun. Sure, I had disappointments, but I've also made great friends and found a group of girls I absolutely adore.

[DMBabyZTA]

Tippiechick, well said!! I mean it, I agree with you! Well said sista

It really sounds to me that you went into recruitment with the wrong attitude and such. We do know more than you think. For goodness sakes we are trained for lack of a better phrase "weed through the bad apples". We can see straight through a girl who is putting on a front.

And what many pmn do not realize is it's a two way street. It's not hard to tell from both sides where the pmn fits.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by uk2011

I guess that's just a difference in opinion. If a girl tells me she loves me and wants to see me come back, and then cuts me, then of course I'm going to think thats fake. Emphasis on the telling me she wants me to come back. I'm sorry you think that's so wrong.

I think the original poster's attitude is pretty average. Did you not prefer some houses over others when you went through Recruitment? I can't imagine anyone NOT having a bottom two sororities on their list. If I fell in love with one sorority, it would be hard for me to wear another groups letters with pride. I agree that if you can't do that, then you're better off not joining.

I'm just saying that I understand what this girl feels like. Maybe because I'm fresh off an emotional recruitment week, too.

And that's why actives are usually told NOT to tell a pnm anything that can be construed as a promise, or assurance that she will be invited back. It may well be that the active DID want the pnm to come back - she may have been outvoted, or the pnm may not have been qualified (g.p.a., no rec., etc.).

[agd4rie]

Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake! Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!

eowww! Canine cologne! Love the reference! Best laugh of the night!

[Tippiechick]

Originally Posted by uk2011

I guess that's just a difference in opinion. If a girl tells me she loves me and wants to see me come back, and then cuts me, then of course I'm going to think thats fake. Emphasis on the telling me she wants me to come back. I'm sorry you think that's so wrong.

I think the original poster's attitude is pretty average. Did you not prefer some houses over others when you went through Recruitment? I can't imagine anyone NOT having a bottom two sororities on their list. If I fell in love with one sorority, it would be hard for me to wear another groups letters with pride. I agree that if you can't do that, then you're better off not joining.

I'm just saying that I understand what this girl feels like. Maybe because I'm fresh off an emotional recruitment week, too.

1) A girl might want you to come back. It's not her sole decision. But, there is a whole chapter voting on you. She may love you. The chapter as a WHOLE may not. Nothing fake about someone saying they like you and would love to see you back. It just might not happen based on how the chapter votes. You'll see this next year when you are on the other side.

2) There is a big difference between having a bottom two and being embarrassed to be seen in public in a group's letters. The fact is, she felt that they were beneath her. A girl in her position should not consider any group beneath them when those groups are the only ones showing interest!

She is better off not joining those groups, assuming that they would have bid her.

No one is saying they don't understand how she feels. We just think she's being a bit of a snob when those two groups "beneath" her were the only ones even giving her a chance.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by uk2011

I guess that's just a difference in opinion. If a girl tells me she loves me and wants to see me come back, and then cuts me, then of course I'm going to think thats fake. Emphasis on the telling me she wants me to come back. I'm sorry you think that's so wrong.

I realize you're fresh off the recruitment emotional stuff, but here is the flaw in your logic:

One or two or three girls are not the ones making the cuts. It is possible that they really did like you and wanted you to come back the next day, but for whatever reason the chapter (not just those few girls) did not invite you back.

On the sister side, sometimes there are girls that we absolutely love and want to see join, but are sometimes let go for whatever reason. You might not think it, but rush on the active side is really hard too because some tough decisions need to be made.

Sorry you are feeling bad, but don't hold a grudge on those girls because they probably really did like you.