I Don't Date Outside of My Race...

[lovehaiku84]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Thanks everyone. I learned things I didn't know before. I understand racism exist and will always exist, but it's not right. I really don't want to read any books on the issue of why black women don't like women of other skin colors dating black men, because it doesn't matter who wrote the book, or the fact that it's in a book. It's still wrong on every level. We're all human beings. We're all genetically made up the same. I guess I'll have to go on clueless of why this is. I think it's very sad that some men would date a woman because he thinks her race is better than another one. How can someone look at another person and say I don't like him/her because his/her skin color is not like mine? When I watch the presidential debates, I often wonder what it would be like if we couldn't see who was running for office, but could only hear their voices. I wonder who would win? That's another topic though.

I'll continue having my own opinion on this issue, because to me a good man is a good man. I don't care what color he is. Personal preference is one thing, but just to say I can't date him or her because he/she is not of the same color is wrong. I won't use race, because there's only one race, the human race. I'll just use skin or color, because that's all it is to me.

I'm glad that you learned something, however if you have no interest in picking up a book to find the answers to your questions, or to gain a better understanding of the issue at hand, I think you need to refrain from asking any more questions on this board. I think that it's very easy to play all innocent like "well why would someone do XYZ?" and "we are all the same." Please. We are NOT all the same. We DO tend to experience the world differently based on the color of our skin, and there are cultural differences which are often connected with race. And all of that is just fine because beauty can be found in all of that. If everyone were the same the world would be incredibly boring. What I don't understand is why some people have such a hard time accepting that there are things/issues in this country and globally that are simply ugly/hard to talk about. Pretending to be clueless about them and then choosing to remain ignorant about them does not help anything.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Do Black women get upset when a Black man dates a Latina (or non-White or non-Black) woman?

Some black women do because ONCE AGAIN it's a case of "anything but black." Black women as a group have always been told our beauty is not the standard and that white women were more beautiful and more pure. That also fuels the fire of intragroup prejudice based on skin complexion and hair texture. So when Latina women are now some type of standard, and used as "anything but black," that is symbolic of more than just an individual-level dating preference.

Black women don't want every black man and we don't want to control who people date, in general. What we DO want is for our beauty and attributes to not be objectified and downplayed, only to be mimicked by others or celebrated as if the wheel has just been invented. When J Lo was such a big deal, for example, a lot of black women thought "okay...she's ALWAYS been pretty but her butt is something that many black women have everyday."

Originally Posted by violetpretty

If a White man is dating a White woman (or a woman of any other race but Black), why does no one question why he does not date Black women and take offense to it?

Oh white men do date black women and there's even a dating site for it. But white men overwhelmingly date and marry Asian women when they are involved in interracial unions.

Other than that, black women generally don't care about white men and their dating preferences.

[blakiceanjel]

I talked to a white guy one time... and he was really nice, but there was some level we weren't connecting on. Anyway I stopped talking to him and he went crazy and kinda started stalking me... Creepy..

I don't really have a problem with interracial dating. I only have a problem with exclusive interracial dating. Like when someone refuses to date someone of their race. I went to HS with three brothas (blood related to each other and black) that didn't date black girls. The youngest one explained it was because white girls were easier to handle. I told him he was weak and ignorant. It really pissed me off because I'd had a crush on him before then

I'm and Army brat, so that gives me a slightly special upbringing. Everything is very integrated. My little sister is the best example. She is completely color-blind and I think it's great. My dad eventually got over it and said as long as a man treats us right it doesn't matter if he's green.

Honestly there are black people that date black people and still don't know anything about their culture. I don't think dating outside of your race would stop you from learning about your people. In this country, none of us are pure anything anyway. There are some cultural differences between races, but isn't it a good idea to learn as much as we can?

*getting off the soap box now*

[MsFoxyLoxy77]

I've been talking about this issue with my younger brother lately. He's an Airman First Class in the US Airforce and his job entails that he's on flight crew. Here is a little background on the the Airforce (according to my brother). Of all the US Airforce roles/jobs only 1% of Airforce military personnel works directly in flight (ie, pilots, co-polits, flight personnel/crew). Of that 1% only 1% are African-American. So when my brothers hanging w/his co-workers Betty & Sue (excuse the generic names) are all up in his grill. I know this, not only because he told me so, BUT because of two instances:

1. He visited for the holidays last year & his phone rings. I was closer to it so he told me to answer it before it hung up. I answered it & some fresh thing answers the phone and says, "Do you want to F@@k" I said what? She replied, "This is [____ ] & I got a text message saying so & so wanted to f@@K." (This dummy had to realize by now she was talking to a woman) I replied, "Well this is not so & sos #" I handed my bro. the phone & he put her on speaker phone (because he knew from my facial expressions, this wasn't the average phone call) & kindly explained to this girl (mind you this was before noon that day) that she had the wrong #. Do you know she replied, "Oh...well I still wanna f**k." He hung up the phone (because it was obvious nothing was getting through to her)...then called one of his Airforce friends and went smack off. It turns out he knew the guy the girl was asking for & he told homeboy to keep his "girls" in check. My brother told me the friend said, "Man she thought you was cute. I was just trying to hook you up." He replied NO THANKS and told his "friend" his sister had answered the phone & that he had better taste than that and he should too.

2. I went to his myspace (I'm not into myspace so this was my first time seeing his page) earlier this year. There was a photo of him w/one non Black girl on either side of him (two in total) dressed in vintage flight attendant uniforms while he was in his actual flight uniform, & his arms were spread over both their shoulders. The picture read, "I'm so fly I have my own flight attendants." I called him asap asking WTF he was doing taking any pictures with women esp. non-Black women as props. He replied it was harmless & those girls were there (in Afghanistan) to take pictures w/all servicemen who were done for that tour & and headed back to the US.
I guess these girls were eye candy? This is an example of what people have been saying about society idealizing European/anything but Black beauty. Why weren't there any Black women greeters?

Bottom line he knows what time it is...my brother is a catch and no matter how much I love him I will not accept anyone for him unless they are of African descent. Flash forward today. He has a live in girlfriend (she's Black) and he told me the girl was nervous about meeting the fam for the holidays (I have some crazy aunts). He told her, "Don't worry. I'll just tell everyone you're really white and I was ashamed to admit it. When I introduce you everybody will be so relieved they'll love you!" I couldn't help but laugh...

[blakiceanjel]

^^^
That is GREAT!! rotfl!!

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I really don't want to read any books on the issue of why black women don't like women of other skin colors dating black men, because it doesn't matter who wrote the book, or the fact that it's in a book. It's still wrong on every level. We're all human beings. We're all genetically made up the same. I guess I'll have to go on clueless of why this is.

I'll continue having my own opinion on this issue, because to me a good man is a good man. I don't care what color he is.

Cheerful--now, there is a historical context to what I say. I am not grabbing this shit outta my azz. It is real. 40 years ago, most Black women were working in a white woman's house, if they were not teachers, like my mother... And what happened in those houses were unspeakable to young, sometimes teen Black girls... Because a certain incident happened to my own mother that told her NOT to become a nurse or a maid...

I will be 40 years old in September...

Have "thangs" changed that much? For some women, they have not. You can look at the stats, but Black women in America rank the lowest in most of the health care issues in the spectrum. In fact, Black women in America are the highest group to be infected with HIV/AIDS... How can that happen in a 1st world country like the US?

Most of us have questions on "intent". Because, I cannot tell my Black male loved ones to do certain things--namely drive a hot car or vehicle in certain places for the fear they might get beaten down by dumbassed cops. Or recommend absentee voting ballots for the fear they will get kicked out of the voter's poll--something like that happened to my husband because the poll worker was an idiot.

So, pardon my reservations about dating "intent" and maybe I need to get over it, but I don't see that many caucasian women helping the hood rats out cleaning the streets when there is injustice going on toward the crimes against black folks... I cannot tell you how many times I have been harrassesed at a Department Store to the point where I hate shopping now...

All of those ill feelings unfortunately get conjured up when I see a "useless" brother dating a bimbo whose only intention is stereotypical...

Now, there are some young ladies here who date and have married brothers who are extremely intelligent by what they say and their track record in life. Of course, I am not talking about these women. Because really, if my brother had stayed with the Summa Cum Laude Lawyer, I would be happy as a lark. However, he wanted bootay and I am left wondering if these women KNOW that about him? And if they did, how come they want to trap him with babies? 'Cuz it's not like he has that much moolah...

But that's just me... We can take this to PM if you want...

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

What I don't understand is why some people have such a hard time accepting that there are things/issues in this country and globally that are simply ugly/hard to talk about. Pretending to be clueless about them and then choosing to remain ignorant about them does not help anything.

Valder... Let it go and breathe... Things will be revealed in good time.

[neosoul]

Originally Posted by starang21

they're different.

they're not like the rest.

lololol

I just wanted to add to this thread, that's all

[neosoul]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

?

I've also noticed that when I see a black woman with a white guy, I don't see many stares and snares if any at all. When a black guy is with a white woman though, black women seem to get really mad. I see it all the time. I don't know what the big deal is.

I've gotten them a few times...

people will stare

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by neosoul

I've gotten them a few times...

people will stare

Mostly if he's (in general) not hot, though.

ETA: I remember the MTV True Life where the black woman and white man were confronted by some black men on the street. Nothing threatening but the black men were being disrespectful. Making statements and asking questions that I HOPE they were only saying because there was a camera there. The couple handled it well. I can think of quite a few black women and white men who would've cussed and fought over it.

[TotallyWicked]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Some black women do because ONCE AGAIN it's a case of "anything but black." Black women as a group have always been told our beauty is not the standard and that white women were more beautiful and more pure. That also fuels the fire of intragroup prejudice based on skin complexion and hair texture. So when Latina women are now some type of standard, and used as "anything but black," that is symbolic of more than just an individual-level dating preference.

Black women don't want every black man and we don't want to control who people date, in general. What we DO want is for our beauty and attributes to not be objectified and downplayed, only to be mimicked by others or celebrated as if the wheel has just been invented. When J Lo was such a big deal, for example, a lot of black women thought "okay...she's ALWAYS been pretty but her butt is something that many black women have everyday."

this is an issue on campus as there are about as many Black women as there are Latinas. I think it is an unspoken one though, like neither is willing to say something but I have had some conversations with my Black female and Latina friends.

Many of the Black women I talk to cannot stand that Black men are dating Latinas when there are just as many Black women on campus. Many of what my friends have said is "they seem to be going with them for the same attributes they can get with us", mind you there are very little Black Latinas and the majority are white of Mestiza (Indigenous/White..which ultimately leads em to be darker skinned than European Latinas).

Now other Black women have been telling me, "I'm okay with it, I ultimately don't like Black men gettin with white women when there are women of color around him". I know the main thing that perturbs Black women when Black males date Latinas on campus is when Black men (not all) tell them that they have 'more in common because of upbringing' with Latinas than they do Black women, this could be a class issue as my school has been able to recruit more inner city urban Latinos but has gotten way more middle class Black students than Latinos.

It's a mouthful open to more questions but I'm all ears

[PrettyInPink777]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Thanks everyone. I learned things I didn't know before. I understand racism exist and will always exist, but it's not right. I really don't want to read any books on the issue of why black women don't like women of other skin colors dating black men, because it doesn't matter who wrote the book, or the fact that it's in a book. It's still wrong on every level. We're all human beings. We're all genetically made up the same. I guess I'll have to go on clueless of why this is. I think it's very sad that some men would date a woman because he thinks her race is better than another one. How can someone look at another person and say I don't like him/her because his/her skin color is not like mine? When I watch the presidential debates, I often wonder what it would be like if we couldn't see who was running for office, but could only hear their voices. I wonder who would win? That's another topic though.

I'll continue having my own opinion on this issue, because to me a good man is a good man. I don't care what color he is. Personal preference is one thing, but just to say I can't date him or her because he/she is not of the same color is wrong. I won't use race, because there's only one race, the human race. I'll just use skin or color, because that's all it is to me.

Well, no. You don't 'have' to be clueless... you are determined to be clueless. ..... which negates your earlier posts that seemed to seek understanding. What a waste of time.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by TotallyWicked

this is an issue on campus as there are about as many Black women as there are Latinas. I think it is an unspoken one though, like neither is willing to say something but I have had some conversations with my Black female and Latina friends.

Many of the Black women I talk to cannot stand that Black men are dating Latinas when there are just as many Black women on campus. Many of what my friends have said is "they seem to be going with them for the same attributes they can get with us", mind you there are very little Black Latinas and the majority are white of Mestiza (Indigenous/White..which ultimately leads em to be darker skinned than European Latinas).

Now other Black women have been telling me, "I'm okay with it, I ultimately don't like Black men gettin with white women when there are women of color around him". I know the main thing that perturbs Black women when Black males date Latinas on campus is when Black men (not all) tell them that they have 'more in common because of upbringing' with Latinas than they do Black women, this could be a class issue as my school has been able to recruit more inner city urban Latinos but has gotten way more middle class Black students than Latinos.

It's a mouthful open to more questions but I'm all ears

I really do not understand what you are saying.

I have dated NUMEROUS Latino gentlemen before I was married. It just was because those were the gentlemen that asked me out for a date.

And those Black men who say that [Insert your ethnic group here] is "more common because of their upbringing" are full of chit... There are just as many or possibly more Black women of similar or better upbringing than these men purport. These Black men generalizing Black women in that way is demeaning and belittling--and moreso toward ALL WOMEN!!! And I am wondering how women from varying ethnic groups would see anything possible in these dumbassed men?

I mean, am I missing something? Some these men are assholes! They don't deserve even the fake European trannie punanny!

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by TotallyWicked

this is an issue on campus as there are about as many Black women as there are Latinas. I think it is an unspoken one though, like neither is willing to say something but I have had some conversations with my Black female and Latina friends.

Many of the Black women I talk to cannot stand that Black men are dating Latinas when there are just as many Black women on campus. Many of what my friends have said is "they seem to be going with them for the same attributes they can get with us", mind you there are very little Black Latinas and the majority are white of Mestiza (Indigenous/White..which ultimately leads em to be darker skinned than European Latinas).

Now other Black women have been telling me, "I'm okay with it, I ultimately don't like Black men gettin with white women when there are women of color around him". I know the main thing that perturbs Black women when Black males date Latinas on campus is when Black men (not all) tell them that they have 'more in common because of upbringing' with Latinas than they do Black women, this could be a class issue as my school has been able to recruit more inner city urban Latinos but has gotten way more middle class Black students than Latinos.

It's a mouthful open to more questions but I'm all ears

So the black women are overwhelmingly middle class and the nonblack Latina women are overwhelmingly not middle class? It's an interesting contextual divide there. That's an example of how campuses are often bubbles where dynamics can be found that won't be found in the general population.

More power to them.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

And those Black men who say that [Insert your ethnic group here] is "more common because of their upbringing" are full of chit... There are just as many or possibly more Black women of similar or better upbringing than these men purport. These Black men generalizing Black women in that way is demeaning and belittling--and moreso toward ALL WOMEN!!!

These are people on a college campus. They are judging based on that campus bubble. I doubt those collegiates have a grasp of the totality of the matter.

[TotallyWicked]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

So the black women are overwhelmingly middle class and the nonblack Latina women are overwhelmingly not middle class? It's an interesting contextual divide there. That's an example of how campuses are often bubbles where dynamics can be found that won't be found in the general population.

More power to them.

oh i know it's totally different outside campus, I live on the other side of the city where it's Black/Latino and it is entirely different where you see no interracial dating going on.

There are middle class Latinas on campus, but not as many as Black Middle Class women.