Bad news

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Sounds like you may have a social phobia or social anxiety disorder.

Seriously, sunnyhibiscus, I'm sorry for your disappointment. My suggestion, like some others here, is to look at it as an opportunity to take some time with yourself and learn about yourself. No one here can tell you why you may have shy times, low self-esteem times or feeling-like-an-outcast times, but perhaps a counselor at school can help you with that.

I do wonder (and that's all I can do on the little information here) if your feeling that you are unpopular sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy -- others pick up on it and treat you the way you seem to treat yourself. I just don't know, and that's where I think talking to someone who can help you figure it all out might be very useful.

I do know that you can't find meaningful acceptence from others -- whether it's a sorority, team, or any other group -- if you're not accepting and feeling okay about yourself.

Good luck, and let us know how it's going!

[KSUViolet06]

I'm sorry things didn't work out.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=89902

This thread was recently started for girls who didn't receive bids. Maybe it will help.


I've been around this site awhile and I know that you've rushed before. This would be your 3rd attempt at sorority membership.

Take some time out for yourself. See a counselor if you need to. Take care of you.

You need to examine your reasons for wanting to be in a sorority. Let me be the first to say that whether you believe me or not, joining a sorority will not be the the magic fix for your self esteem issues that you seem to have from HS.

Also, keep in mind that while you're being totally focused on pursuing sorority membership, you might be missing out on opportunities to join other things that might be fun and chances to meet people and get involved on campus in other ways. I know you don't want to be a senior and about to graduate, looking back on college and realize "I never got involved in anything because I was so into wanting to be in a sorority."

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

You need to examine your reasons for wanting to be in a sorority. Let me be the first to say that whether you believe me or not, joining a sorority will not be the the magic fix for your self esteem issues that you seem to have from HS.

Jocelyn really knows her stuff, so you should pay special attention to this statement. It's the absolute truth.

As a matter of fact, if you're an especially sensitive or fragile creature, sorority membership can worsen any existing self-esteem problems.

If you are joining a sorority because you feel like it validates you, socially, you're in for a big surprise. Sure, you'll feel like the most popular kid in town for the first couple weeks, with all the big/little gifts and new member events and whatnot. But after the first month, active members stop fawning all over their new members and you become just another woman in the group, and you feel just like you did before you joined.

This is a huge reason, in my experience, why more timid/unconfident women depledge. Girls that aren't as sure of themselves see this ceasing of the constant validation as a sign that nobody in the chapter likes them, or that they're an "outcast" in the sorority, and they get all bent out of joint that they don't have like 80 best instafriends, and so on. Even if they stay in, I've seen sorority women obsess over whether or not they really "deserve" to be in their group, or have doubts that they'd still be in their sorority if they had to rush again tomorrow, or if anyone said anything bad about them while they were rushing, blah blah blah.

It gets better...

Even the best, most tight-knit sororities have their problems. Nothing quite deals a blow to your ego like running for an executive board position only to lose by a landslide, or actually being elected to a position only to receive the wrath of all the sisters when you screw up. To say nothing of the legendary crying/screaming blowups that occur in every sorority house from time to time....

If you can't handle rejection or you have major confidence issues, you should't join a sorority. I know it sucks feeling rejected by a bunch of sorority women you barely know. I promise you it sucks that much harder when you feel rejected by those same sorority women X number of years after you joined.

[sunnyhibiscus]

I've started school last semester. Not last fall. So I'm still a freshman.

[sarasmile]

Originally Posted by sunnyhibiscus

I've started school last semester. Not last fall. So I'm still a freshman.

I'd highly encourage you to get to know sorority women in non-recruitment and non-COR settings.

Sometimes chapters don't even host COR events, because they extend bids for available spots to young women they already know.

At many campuses, there are generally at least a few chapters who are under total. (Not at the uber-competitive schools, of course, but you haven't identified what sort of university you attend.) You may find that those groups are generally more open to the idea of COBing and getting to know prospetive recruits.

(Note - just to be clear...I am not advising you to seek out a chapter that is struggling numbers-wise and present it as a "you need a body, I need a spot" type situation. That would be a big turnoff to the chapter, and it certainly wouldn't do you justice either. I'm just saying that its good to have an idea in mind of what chapters might have more spots available...if you happen to have the opportunity to meet and connect with a member of one of those chapters, it might be more productive for you. Versus meeting and becoming BFFs with a member in a chapter that never, ever COBs.)

[UGAalum94]

Not matching in recruitment alone shouldn't require counseling in most cases. But if think what you feel or how you interact is beyond the normal range, you should go to the student counseling center and get an appointment or depending on how bad you feel right now, to the student health center for immediate mental health care.

But don't conclude that because recruitment didn't work out that you have a deep-seated issue.

It does sort of seem to me that if you don't feel like you are getting over what happened in 9th grade that you'd benefit from talking to a professional about how to deal with that and be the person you want to be today.

And about re-rushing or COB: don't do anything until you've made improvements to your accomplishments. There's very little reason why you could expect to get picked up by a group that didn't work out in the past unless you had done something to become a stronger candidate.

And this probably goes without saying, but don't do a lot of talking about how devastated you are about your results. Certainly, confide in friends, but you don't want to seem like the crying girl from the weird rush stories thread, so don't let the groups know how distressed you are.

[AnchorAlumna]

GO to counseling. GET HELP now. It couldn't hurt, dear.

[sunnyhibiscus]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I've already met a sorority sister, my roommate. But I just met her at the beginning of the semester. As a matter of fact, that was the last sorority kept me around. I will talk to some other soroity sisters from other sororities in my classes.

Just to clarify, that open house last semester was not a part of COB.

In the meanwhile, I will go to the counseling center next week. You guys are right, I need to get better before I can do anything else. I had shyness problems when I was little and yet I have made a lot of friends until the 9th grade.

BTW, I have read about the crying girl story and that scared me.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Seriously, sunnyhibiscus, I'm sorry for your disappointment. My suggestion, like some others here, is to look at it as an opportunity to take some time with yourself and learn about yourself. No one here can tell you why you may have shy times, low self-esteem times or feeling-like-an-outcast times, but perhaps a counselor at school can help you with that.

I do wonder (and that's all I can do on the little information here) if your feeling that you are unpopular sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy -- others pick up on it and treat you the way you seem to treat yourself. I just don't know, and that's where I think talking to someone who can help you figure it all out might be very useful.

I do know that you can't find meaningful acceptence from others -- whether it's a sorority, team, or any other group -- if you're not accepting and feeling okay about yourself.

Good luck, and let us know how it's going!

I like that! Sometimes I do feel like Lucy, but seriously social anxiety disorder is frequently not considered when it should be. I actually have it and have a much more fulfilling life now that I am treated. No one really believes that I have this problem, but no one knew me before! Thank God I figured it out when I did!!