Raining on someone's recruitment parade

[Drolefille]

I missed the to do, but saying it's ok to post similar stories, but not contradictory stories, doesn't make much sense to me.

And it sounds like mom was less supportive than destructive in her comments to her daughter. I'd be saying the same things to her that others have said here.

[FSUZeta]

i think that one point some might have missed is that even if the mother did make that statement to her daughter,(and we don't know if she did) it was already said and no amount of chastisement would reverse that. the mom was hurting, and if she did say those things, was probably feeling worse for saying them. gc'ers did not need to kick her when she was down. i hope that she was able to comfort her daughter-it must have been an awful time for both mother and daughter- and i think that the mom shared her feelings with us seeking comfort for herself.

i also wonder if the statement about whether auburn was the place for her daughter was said in the heat of the moment. perhaps she felt that if the sororities felt that her daughter would not fit into their chapters(trying to use her logic), then maybe she would not fit in anywhere at auburn-that she must not be the typical auburn student, since she did not receive a bid. we may not agree with the logic, but i would imagine that when something devastating like this happens-and yes, it can be devastating to some-there is a lot of second guessing that goes on amongst pnm and parents.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I missed the to do, but saying it's ok to post similar stories, but not contradictory stories, doesn't make much sense to me.

And it sounds like mom was less supportive than destructive in her comments to her daughter. I'd be saying the same things to her that others have said here.

I'm all about posting all the stories: I just don't think the people who do the work of the recruitment thread with code names and reporting results after each round should necessarily have their threads preempted by people complaining and looking for support about the evils of the system at large. Do it. Just do it in another thread. That's all.

I'm fine with general mom support groups or complaint threads about problems at specific campuses. But the "Congratulations, Kate" at the end of the Auburn thread are going to ring a little hallow after all the "SEC recruitment is just so wrong" type of junk in the middle. Why do that?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

i think that one point some might have missed is that even if the mother did make that statement to her daughter,(and we don't know if she did) it was already said and no amount of chastisement would reverse that. the mom was hurting, and if she did say those things, was probably feeling worse for saying them. gc'ers did not need to kick her when she was down. i hope that she was able to comfort her daughter-it must have been an awful time for both mother and daughter- and i think that the mom shared her feelings with us seeking comfort for herself.

i also wonder if the statement about whether auburn was the place for her daughter was said in the heat of the moment. perhaps she felt that if the sororities felt that her daughter would not fit into their chapters(trying to use her logic), then maybe she would not fit in anywhere at auburn-that she must not be the typical auburn student, since she did not receive a bid. we may not agree with the logic, but i would imagine that when something devastating like this happens-and yes, it can be devastating to some-there is a lot of second guessing that goes on amongst pnm and parents.

I can understand that, and would give leeway to a PNM, but not a parent in that regard. I'd expect more maturity from a parent than that, heat of the moment or no. And there was no indication that the comment was said and later retracted. If I were the daughter in that situation, I'd be ten times more pissed off at my mother than the recruitment system at Auburn. (yes, I caught up in the reading)

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

I'm all about posting all the stories: I just don't think the people who do the work of the recruitment thread with code names and reporting results after each round should necessarily have their threads preempted by people complaining and looking for support about the evils of the system at large. Do it. Just do it in another thread. That's all.

I'm fine with general mom support groups or complaint threads about problems at specific campuses. But the "Congratulations, Kate" at the end of the Auburn thread are going to ring a little hallow after all the "SEC recruitment is just so wrong" type of junk in the middle. Why do that?

A) She asked for other people's experiences. Unfortunately, those experiences turned out to be negative ones. I think that some posters went over board with the "OMG AUBURN SUCKS *mass exodus of PNMs* I wouldn't want to be a part of those groups" thing. (Again, from adults ) That said, it's all part of a discussion about recruitment at a super-competitive well-known school, particularly when many of those involved don't have any experience with SEC recruitment.

I have a feeling that those posters who were ripping on Auburn in general won't be the same ones congratulating the OPs daughter if she gets a bid. And I don't think that it's incongruous to have a negative stories and positive ones in the same thread. Those posters didn't know that their friend/sister/daughter etc was going to get cut when they started posting.

[1908Revelations]

^^^^You do have a point about them not knowing. I was just shocked that one of them called me silly for suggesting other people (not her) start thier own thread.

But I do see what you mean.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I can understand that, and would give leeway to a PNM, but not a parent in that regard. I'd expect more maturity from a parent than that, heat of the moment or no. And there was no indication that the comment was said and later retracted. If I were the daughter in that situation, I'd be ten times more pissed off at my mother than the recruitment system at Auburn. (yes, I caught up in the reading)

A) She asked for other people's experiences. Unfortunately, those experiences turned out to be negative ones. I think that some posters went over board with the "OMG AUBURN SUCKS *mass exodus of PNMs* I wouldn't want to be a part of those groups" thing. (Again, from adults ) That said, it's all part of a discussion about recruitment at a super-competitive well-known school, particularly when many of those involved don't have any experience with SEC recruitment.

I have a feeling that those posters who were ripping on Auburn in general won't be the same ones congratulating the OPs daughter if she gets a bid. And I don't think that it's incongruous to have a negative stories and positive ones in the same thread. Those posters didn't know that their friend/sister/daughter etc was going to get cut when they started posting.

Drollefille, I know what you're saying about interjecting stories that you don't know will have an unhappy ending and I think it's fair to say that those aren't really good examples. Even in that circumstance, however, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a newly disappointed PNM/PNM Mamma to refrain from posting a rant or call for support in a thread that's taken a generally happy tone for another PNM. If we had a support thread for disappointments, I think that would be a more appropriate forum and would prevent people with positive stories from having to post disclaimers in order to share theirs or their daughter's happiness -- AND it might be less frustrating for the disappointed party to not be reminded of "what could have been."

That said, I think that instances like momof2's first post, which had negative overtones, it might be more conducive to the general flow of the recruitment story to encourage the interjecting poster to take up the issue in another thread. Especially since momof2 asked a bunch of questions that were really going to take the thread in a totally separate direction.

And even in this case, and the hijacking of AuburnMom's thread may have not been the best example of this, but I KNOW in the past unhappy PNMs have responded to happy outcomes with stuff like "Glad you went AXiD, I wish I could have gone somewhere. I was dropped from every chapter on campus, etc. etc." I like the idea of having a separate support thread for unhappy/negative/angry/offtopic questions to prevent a complete derailment of an otherwise okay thread.

ETA: I still think generally encouraging disappointed PNMs or whoever to post in a thread other than a happy recruitment thread is a good idea. AuburnMom's now gone on record as saying that she didn't care about the diversions from her story, but I still think it's been a problem in the past and it might be a good thing to consider for the future.

[WarEagle07]

My first exposure to the Auburn rush scene was when my daughter and I visited the campus last year. It happened to be a mother/daughter weekend for the campus sororities and we were able to meet several mothers and daughters. All of them had the same feeling about rush at Auburn, and they all said that as parents you just have to steel yourself. They all said that the girls are under so much pressure both emotionally and physically (excessive heat, lack of sleep) that they just will break down and loose perspective on the whole situation. Is it really worse than at non-SEC schools? I have no idea. All I know is that it is common for Auburn parents to get tear filled phone calls from their daughters throughout the week. I should think that it is the same at other schools. What makes SEC recruitment so much different? Perhaps a thread to prepare parents for what they may face when their child rushes would be a good idea. Not only can we lay down expectations but also give advice on how to positively react when things go badly. That's just my two cents! ( however, I really want to know why SEC rush is so different?):

[violetpretty]

While AuburnMom invited others to chime in about recruitment at Auburn, she probably had no idea what could happen to the thread. Even if there wasn't Momof2gals' story to "rain on her parade", it makes more sense to start a new thread just for simplicity and readability. I am sure that Momof2gals didn't mean any harm by posting her daughter's story, but it did get to the point this morning that I thought "Gee what is AuburnMom going to say now? Is she going to feel like she has to apologize?" Turns out that her daughter had the best possible news, a full schedule of chapters, all of which she could see herself in.

New PNM = New thread Yea or Nay?

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

New PNM = New thread Yea or Nay?

Yea, but mostly for purely selfish reasons other than what we've discussed tonight. I actually like reading the whole story (complete with codenames, if applicable) and I always think it's such a letdown when someone posts the start of a story in another thread and then posts again a week later, after bid day, with "Oh yeah! PNM Daughter went DG!" I like the buildup and the surprise.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by WarEagle07

I...(however, I really want to know why SEC rush is so different?):

Um...it's not that it's SEC rush, it's rush with a HUGE number of girls (Ole Miss, Auburn, Alabama, FSU, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, as well as Illinois, Michigan and lots of other places folks can add). These girls may or may not have mamas, grandmamas, aunts, and cousins in sororities, as well as their older high school friends who graduated before them, all talking to them about sororities.
LOTS of emphasis is placed on pledging the "right" sorority, especially during "tent talk." (And the first time I heard that talk was during my freshman orientation, weeks before rush).
Add that to hundreds of girls apparently getting bids, everybody but you...heat, exhaustion, immaturity, emotional turmoil...you can see how it can turn into a bit of mass hysteria!!

[Low C Sharp]

perhaps she felt that if the sororities felt that her daughter would not fit into their chapters(trying to use her logic), then maybe she would not fit in anywhere at auburn-that she must not be the typical auburn student, since she did not receive a bid.

I also read the comment in a more innocent and daughter-friendly light. I thought she was saying, in essence, "Since Auburn is full of shallow, judgmental beeyotches like the several thousand sorority women who ALL rejected my daughter, then maybe I should have sent her to a different school where the students have their heads on straight."

That sentiment is totally understandable under the circumstances, and there may be some truth in it, too. It's possible to make a mistake when you choose a school. Discovering that the school is a severe social mismatch (whether or not that is actually the case here) is a legitimate reason to question whether the school was the wrong choice.

[mystikchick]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

i think that one point some might have missed is that even if the mother did make that statement to her daughter,(and we don't know if she did) it was already said and no amount of chastisement would reverse that. the mom was hurting, and if she did say those things, was probably feeling worse for saying them. gc'ers did not need to kick her when she was down. i hope that she was able to comfort her daughter-it must have been an awful time for both mother and daughter- and i think that the mom shared her feelings with us seeking comfort for herself.

i also wonder if the statement about whether auburn was the place for her daughter was said in the heat of the moment. perhaps she felt that if the sororities felt that her daughter would not fit into their chapters(trying to use her logic), then maybe she would not fit in anywhere at auburn-that she must not be the typical auburn student, since she did not receive a bid. we may not agree with the logic, but i would imagine that when something devastating like this happens-and yes, it can be devastating to some-there is a lot of second guessing that goes on amongst pnm and parents.

My heart goes out to both the mother and the daughter for the emotional upheaval this whole process has cost them, but like others, I cannot believe she actually questioned whether or not her daughter belonged at Auburn. Talk about drastic.

Even if that comment was made in the heat of the moment, there was also her accusation that her daughter maybe hadn't "tried hard enough," which she then tried to explain in a later post, and that post to me did not sound like a heat of the moment kind of thing. Her poor daughter - I'm sure being rejected from all the sororities is a blow enough to your self-esteem without your mother questioning whether or not you genuinely put your best foot forward. Hurt feelings I can forgive, that post however, unacceptable.

[Soliloquy]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I can understand that, and would give leeway to a PNM, but not a parent in that regard. I'd expect more maturity from a parent than that, heat of the moment or no.

While I have absolutely no child-rearing experience, like many I do have parents. There were (and still are) plenty of times where my parents would act childish or make a rude comment. Generally it was out of emotion, like many of the mothers on this board have commented on. A day later or so, my mom or dad would apologize for speaking so rashly and things were ok.

Parents are humans too, they're liable just like anyone else is, to allow their emotions get the best of them. It's all part of life and part of learning!

So, in my opinion, I think it's pretty silly to be judgemental about a woman none of us know in person. We have no idea what kind of day she had when she posted that, we also have no idea exactly how much stress she has endured watching her daughter hurt. Therefore, we cannot speculate on her ability as a parent, which is my inference based on the responses I have seen. Apparently she's done a great job to raise an intelligent girl who was accepted into a great school. A few typed words on the internet cannot really offer any insight on a person's tone, mentality, or background.

How's about we focus on the great stories that are going on, then send prayers/good vibes to the poor girls who have had their heart bruised by rejection? Kay? Great!

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Soliloquy

While I have absolutely no child-rearing experience, like many I do have parents. There were (and still are) plenty of times where my parents would act childish or make a rude comment. Generally it was out of emotion, like many of the mothers on this board have commented on. A day later or so, my mom or dad would apologize for speaking so rashly and things were ok.

Parents are humans too, they're liable just like anyone else is, to allow their emotions get the best of them. It's all part of life and part of learning!

So, in my opinion, I think it's pretty silly to be judgemental about a woman none of us know in person. We have no idea what kind of day she had when she posted that, we also have no idea exactly how much stress she has endured watching her daughter hurt. Therefore, we cannot speculate on her ability as a parent, which is my inference based on the responses I have seen. Apparently she's done a great job to raise an intelligent girl who was accepted into a great school. A few typed words on the internet cannot really offer any insight on a person's tone, mentality, or background.

How's about we focus on the great stories that are going on, then send prayers/good vibes to the poor girls who have had their heart bruised by rejection? Kay? Great!

*shrug* I don't expect parents to be perfect, but that kind of reaction crosses a line in my mind. And, if I'd seen something other than "being in a sorority IS really really important, I was in one, maybe it was her fault she got cut so I'll ask her if she even tried" in that whole comment, I'd be more understanding about it. As I said, I haven't seen her say, "I didn't mean it, I shouldn't have said that to her," and what I've seen is all I can base my opinions on.

And I'm not particularly judging her. I don't think she's a bad mother. I'm not judging her mentality or background. I think she should NOT have said that. Uh uh, no way in hell. And I don't understand how your daughter's pain somehow becomes all about you, not her. Even if she'd vented that on GC but not said it to her daughter, I'd feel differently about it.

And if you want to focus on happy thoughts, this is not the thread

[33girl]

Umm, did I miss something?

This thread sounds like it's telling the GC regulars not to hijack threads, when from what I saw in the Auburn thread, it was a first-time poster who did so.

If I had that kind of mind power over other people, I certainly wouldn't be working here.