Raining on someone's recruitment parade

[oldrusheenowmom]

Sorry to disagree (not with Navane), I guess I see talking about Auburn recruitment as part of what Auburnmom asked for in her initial post- I didn't see anything wrong with flowers either- added some interest to the waiting (just like auburnmom suggested in her post too)- I think a gentle, "I disagree with your comments about Auburn recruitment and let's move the discussion, so those still involved in recruitment will continue to post here" would be appropriate-- I'm just saying that the initial post invited several stories- maybe the link should have immediately changed to "kate's recruitment story only."

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by oldrusheenowmom

maybe the link should have immediately changed to "kate's recruitment story only."

The OP can not change the name of the thread, maybe a mod or super mod. But I do see what you are saying.

[UGAalum94]

And we also have no indication from the OP that she wanted it to only be Kate's story. I don't even know that it bugged her. But it just seems like we could do better in the future, generally.

Highjacks unrelated to the thread while we wait, for me a yes. Who doesn't love a good what-does-the-Greenbook-say discussion?

Addition stories thrown in to complement the main story, for me, a yes. Who doesn't love to share the happiness or support?

Stories and highjacks that undercut the OPs experience, for me, start a new thread. Don't make a happy thread into your support group, don't make a support thread into how it all worked out for your niece.

Similarly, don't wear your wedding dress to a funeral or talk all about your ex-husband at a bridal shower.

[oldrusheenowmom]

yes- the point I was trying to make is that we don't know as the title was vague. Also, when one of the mom's added her daughter, it wasn't sad at the time (wasn't as positive as Kate's) but she hadn't been released yet--- this has been an interesting thread- and I do believe moms need a place to vent when things aren't going right, just like pnms need a place to ask questions before recruitment, and parents/sisters/friends need a place to share-- I just think we can all be a little more empathetic when we post our disagreements-- (side bar: unfortunately, the weather has just turned sunny 6:00 skies to stormy 9:00-like skies, and I won't be able to see the rest until later)--

[Drolefille]

I missed the to do, but saying it's ok to post similar stories, but not contradictory stories, doesn't make much sense to me.

And it sounds like mom was less supportive than destructive in her comments to her daughter. I'd be saying the same things to her that others have said here.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I missed the to do, but saying it's ok to post similar stories, but not contradictory stories, doesn't make much sense to me.

And it sounds like mom was less supportive than destructive in her comments to her daughter. I'd be saying the same things to her that others have said here.

I'm all about posting all the stories: I just don't think the people who do the work of the recruitment thread with code names and reporting results after each round should necessarily have their threads preempted by people complaining and looking for support about the evils of the system at large. Do it. Just do it in another thread. That's all.

I'm fine with general mom support groups or complaint threads about problems at specific campuses. But the "Congratulations, Kate" at the end of the Auburn thread are going to ring a little hallow after all the "SEC recruitment is just so wrong" type of junk in the middle. Why do that?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

i think that one point some might have missed is that even if the mother did make that statement to her daughter,(and we don't know if she did) it was already said and no amount of chastisement would reverse that. the mom was hurting, and if she did say those things, was probably feeling worse for saying them. gc'ers did not need to kick her when she was down. i hope that she was able to comfort her daughter-it must have been an awful time for both mother and daughter- and i think that the mom shared her feelings with us seeking comfort for herself.

i also wonder if the statement about whether auburn was the place for her daughter was said in the heat of the moment. perhaps she felt that if the sororities felt that her daughter would not fit into their chapters(trying to use her logic), then maybe she would not fit in anywhere at auburn-that she must not be the typical auburn student, since she did not receive a bid. we may not agree with the logic, but i would imagine that when something devastating like this happens-and yes, it can be devastating to some-there is a lot of second guessing that goes on amongst pnm and parents.

I can understand that, and would give leeway to a PNM, but not a parent in that regard. I'd expect more maturity from a parent than that, heat of the moment or no. And there was no indication that the comment was said and later retracted. If I were the daughter in that situation, I'd be ten times more pissed off at my mother than the recruitment system at Auburn. (yes, I caught up in the reading)

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

I'm all about posting all the stories: I just don't think the people who do the work of the recruitment thread with code names and reporting results after each round should necessarily have their threads preempted by people complaining and looking for support about the evils of the system at large. Do it. Just do it in another thread. That's all.

I'm fine with general mom support groups or complaint threads about problems at specific campuses. But the "Congratulations, Kate" at the end of the Auburn thread are going to ring a little hallow after all the "SEC recruitment is just so wrong" type of junk in the middle. Why do that?

A) She asked for other people's experiences. Unfortunately, those experiences turned out to be negative ones. I think that some posters went over board with the "OMG AUBURN SUCKS *mass exodus of PNMs* I wouldn't want to be a part of those groups" thing. (Again, from adults ) That said, it's all part of a discussion about recruitment at a super-competitive well-known school, particularly when many of those involved don't have any experience with SEC recruitment.

I have a feeling that those posters who were ripping on Auburn in general won't be the same ones congratulating the OPs daughter if she gets a bid. And I don't think that it's incongruous to have a negative stories and positive ones in the same thread. Those posters didn't know that their friend/sister/daughter etc was going to get cut when they started posting.

[1908Revelations]

^^^^You do have a point about them not knowing. I was just shocked that one of them called me silly for suggesting other people (not her) start thier own thread.

But I do see what you mean.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I can understand that, and would give leeway to a PNM, but not a parent in that regard. I'd expect more maturity from a parent than that, heat of the moment or no. And there was no indication that the comment was said and later retracted. If I were the daughter in that situation, I'd be ten times more pissed off at my mother than the recruitment system at Auburn. (yes, I caught up in the reading)

A) She asked for other people's experiences. Unfortunately, those experiences turned out to be negative ones. I think that some posters went over board with the "OMG AUBURN SUCKS *mass exodus of PNMs* I wouldn't want to be a part of those groups" thing. (Again, from adults ) That said, it's all part of a discussion about recruitment at a super-competitive well-known school, particularly when many of those involved don't have any experience with SEC recruitment.

I have a feeling that those posters who were ripping on Auburn in general won't be the same ones congratulating the OPs daughter if she gets a bid. And I don't think that it's incongruous to have a negative stories and positive ones in the same thread. Those posters didn't know that their friend/sister/daughter etc was going to get cut when they started posting.

Drollefille, I know what you're saying about interjecting stories that you don't know will have an unhappy ending and I think it's fair to say that those aren't really good examples. Even in that circumstance, however, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a newly disappointed PNM/PNM Mamma to refrain from posting a rant or call for support in a thread that's taken a generally happy tone for another PNM. If we had a support thread for disappointments, I think that would be a more appropriate forum and would prevent people with positive stories from having to post disclaimers in order to share theirs or their daughter's happiness -- AND it might be less frustrating for the disappointed party to not be reminded of "what could have been."

That said, I think that instances like momof2's first post, which had negative overtones, it might be more conducive to the general flow of the recruitment story to encourage the interjecting poster to take up the issue in another thread. Especially since momof2 asked a bunch of questions that were really going to take the thread in a totally separate direction.

And even in this case, and the hijacking of AuburnMom's thread may have not been the best example of this, but I KNOW in the past unhappy PNMs have responded to happy outcomes with stuff like "Glad you went AXiD, I wish I could have gone somewhere. I was dropped from every chapter on campus, etc. etc." I like the idea of having a separate support thread for unhappy/negative/angry/offtopic questions to prevent a complete derailment of an otherwise okay thread.

ETA: I still think generally encouraging disappointed PNMs or whoever to post in a thread other than a happy recruitment thread is a good idea. AuburnMom's now gone on record as saying that she didn't care about the diversions from her story, but I still think it's been a problem in the past and it might be a good thing to consider for the future.

[Soliloquy]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I can understand that, and would give leeway to a PNM, but not a parent in that regard. I'd expect more maturity from a parent than that, heat of the moment or no.

While I have absolutely no child-rearing experience, like many I do have parents. There were (and still are) plenty of times where my parents would act childish or make a rude comment. Generally it was out of emotion, like many of the mothers on this board have commented on. A day later or so, my mom or dad would apologize for speaking so rashly and things were ok.

Parents are humans too, they're liable just like anyone else is, to allow their emotions get the best of them. It's all part of life and part of learning!

So, in my opinion, I think it's pretty silly to be judgemental about a woman none of us know in person. We have no idea what kind of day she had when she posted that, we also have no idea exactly how much stress she has endured watching her daughter hurt. Therefore, we cannot speculate on her ability as a parent, which is my inference based on the responses I have seen. Apparently she's done a great job to raise an intelligent girl who was accepted into a great school. A few typed words on the internet cannot really offer any insight on a person's tone, mentality, or background.

How's about we focus on the great stories that are going on, then send prayers/good vibes to the poor girls who have had their heart bruised by rejection? Kay? Great!

[FSUZeta]

i think that one point some might have missed is that even if the mother did make that statement to her daughter,(and we don't know if she did) it was already said and no amount of chastisement would reverse that. the mom was hurting, and if she did say those things, was probably feeling worse for saying them. gc'ers did not need to kick her when she was down. i hope that she was able to comfort her daughter-it must have been an awful time for both mother and daughter- and i think that the mom shared her feelings with us seeking comfort for herself.

i also wonder if the statement about whether auburn was the place for her daughter was said in the heat of the moment. perhaps she felt that if the sororities felt that her daughter would not fit into their chapters(trying to use her logic), then maybe she would not fit in anywhere at auburn-that she must not be the typical auburn student, since she did not receive a bid. we may not agree with the logic, but i would imagine that when something devastating like this happens-and yes, it can be devastating to some-there is a lot of second guessing that goes on amongst pnm and parents.

[mystikchick]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

i think that one point some might have missed is that even if the mother did make that statement to her daughter,(and we don't know if she did) it was already said and no amount of chastisement would reverse that. the mom was hurting, and if she did say those things, was probably feeling worse for saying them. gc'ers did not need to kick her when she was down. i hope that she was able to comfort her daughter-it must have been an awful time for both mother and daughter- and i think that the mom shared her feelings with us seeking comfort for herself.

i also wonder if the statement about whether auburn was the place for her daughter was said in the heat of the moment. perhaps she felt that if the sororities felt that her daughter would not fit into their chapters(trying to use her logic), then maybe she would not fit in anywhere at auburn-that she must not be the typical auburn student, since she did not receive a bid. we may not agree with the logic, but i would imagine that when something devastating like this happens-and yes, it can be devastating to some-there is a lot of second guessing that goes on amongst pnm and parents.

My heart goes out to both the mother and the daughter for the emotional upheaval this whole process has cost them, but like others, I cannot believe she actually questioned whether or not her daughter belonged at Auburn. Talk about drastic.

Even if that comment was made in the heat of the moment, there was also her accusation that her daughter maybe hadn't "tried hard enough," which she then tried to explain in a later post, and that post to me did not sound like a heat of the moment kind of thing. Her poor daughter - I'm sure being rejected from all the sororities is a blow enough to your self-esteem without your mother questioning whether or not you genuinely put your best foot forward. Hurt feelings I can forgive, that post however, unacceptable.