Race issues/questions in children

[AlphaFrog]

Why does anyone find what they do attractive? I actually think that people are attracted to what they don't have.

I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and don't find blond guys attractive. My husband is not only Latino, but he's about the darkest Latino I've ever seen, except Sammy Sosa...

[OneTimeSBX]

you are probably right too, AlphaFrog. my fiance looks nothing like me, either. but in this case, she didnt pick any of the black or latina women. they were all white.

i think my concern is the fact that i had issues with my complexion growing up. i have a sister who is lighter than me with hazel eyes, one of those genetic things that just kinda resurfaced from somewhere, and i was always so jealous. i was always singled out because i was always the darkest one in my classes, and i felt left out. i wanted not necessarily to be white, but to be lighter. i wanted to blend more.

i just want to make sure that this doesnt spiral into a "lighter/whiter is better" type of issue with her...

[Drolefille]

I don't think you need to make a directed response, although saying something like, "I think beautiful women come in all colors" might be a good idea. It's more important to look at the everyday exposure she has to people's ideas of beauty whether it's comments by friends and family or TV or magazines. Try to make sure she's hearing the right things and she may just internalize them.

[Still BLUTANG]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I don't think you need to make a directed response, although saying something like, "I think beautiful women come in all colors" might be a good idea. It's more important to look at the everyday exposure she has to people's ideas of beauty whether it's comments by friends and family or TV or magazines. Try to make sure she's hearing the right things and she may just internalize them.

depending on her surroundings and influences, she might need a daily dose of "black is beautiful" from her mom. if you don't get it in the home, where else is it going to come from?

[OneTimeSBX]

i wont say so much that she gets a daily dose of "black is beautiful" but i definately try to surround her with as many of those influences as i can. i want her to think that all cultures are beautiful, and that there isnt a superior one.

i read somewhere to focus more on culture and not race. there are blond haired, green eyed black women, so maybe she just needs to see that its not a "white thing" per se. its just a beauty thing.

[adpiucf]

I did a google search-- these are some age-appropriate books on color and diversity for your daughter that you can read together. You can address the issues and bond over story time. Black, White, Just Right! is about being from a mixed-race background.

Cisneros, S. (1994). Hairs = Pelitos. New York: Knopf.
Davol, M. W. (1993). Black, White, Just Right!. Morton Grove, IL: A. Whitman.
DeRolf, S. (1997). The Crayon Box That Talked. New York: Random House.
Harvey, K. (2002). When Chocolate Milk Moved In. Sterling, VA: Brookfield Reader.
Hoffman, M. (1991). Amazing Grace. New York: Dial Books for Young Readers.
Kates, B. J. (1992). We're Different, We're the Same: Featuring Jim Henson's Sesame Street Muppets. New York: Random House.
Katz, K. (1999). The Colors of Us. New York: Holt Rinehart & Winston.
Kissinger, K. (1994). All the Colors We Are: The Story of How We Get Our Skin Color. St. Paul, MN: Redleaf Press.
Parr, T. (2001). It's Okay to Be Different. Boston, MA: Little, Brown.
Seuss, Dr. (1961). The Sneetches, and Other Stories. New York: Random House.
Simon, N. (1976). Why Am I Different?. Chicago: A. Whitman.
Spier, P. (1980). People. Garden City, NY: Doubleday.
Tarplay, N. A. (1997). I Love My Hair!. Boston, MA: Little, Brown.
Wood, D., & Muth, J. J. (2003). Old Turtle and the Broken Truth. New York: Scholastic Press.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Still BLUTANG

depending on her surroundings and influences, she might need a daily dose of "black is beautiful" from her mom. if you don't get it in the home, where else is it going to come from?

Yes that's basically what I'm saying, you were much more eloquent in the post above me. As a mom/aunt/family member etc. you have the opportunity to counteract the influences you see as negative, and encourage the positive ones.

I was including the OP's influence on the child in my statement.

[Still BLUTANG]

OH! O.k. i think i read too quickly or misinterpreted what you said.

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Yes that's basically what I'm saying, you were much more eloquent in the post above me. As a mom/aunt/family member etc. you have the opportunity to counteract the influences you see as negative, and encourage the positive ones.

I was including the OP's influence on the child in my statement.

i really like this thread. i applaud you SBX! Keep doing what you're doing, your little one will be just fine.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Still BLUTANG

OH! O.k. i think i read too quickly or misinterpreted what you said.



i really like this post. i applaud you SBX! Keep doing what you're doing, your little one will be just fine.

Yeah, it's alright, I don't think I was as clear as I wanted, and then I read your post and was like "Oh THAT, exactly THAT"

One situation isn't going to make or break this girl's worldview (and who knows what it actually is, as someone else said it's quite possible what she said was not what she meant) it's the long term influence that's important.

[OneTimeSBX]

thank you Blutang...i appreciate the support! you only get one chance to make it right or wrong...i definately want her to grow up knowing her heritage (although still not too sure how to introduce the latina side, that part of her family even I havent met, and there is no contact with her father at all.)

my second daughter will be here in November, and i want HAPPY children that grow into HAPPIER adults! not the bitter, hate filled ones that grace us with their presence everyday in life