Mother-in-laws

[Cardinal026]

My future MIL is awful. We've been dating for 6.5 years (well, were on a break for a year in between, but still spent all our time together during that year) and she thinks that I'm not good enough for him. She and her husband are VERY well off, and look down on my family since we aren't as rich, and she makes constant, ridiculing comments. On Christmas Eve, she pretty much lost it when she found out my BF was coming to my house the next morning to open presents - she actually grabbed my arm and pushed me back, yelling at me that I wasn't married to her son and wasn't family, and if he (my BF) wasn't at her house Christmas Day, then I was never welcome at their house again. ((Note: They had never invited him, or mentioned to him, that anything was going on Christmas Day - we assumed they were only celebrating Christmas Eve festivities)). This is only the icing on an absolutely crazy cake.

BUT - I like looking at the bright side, and it is that in this situation in particular, and all others, my BF has taken my side. He's quick to tell her that she's out of line, that he and I are a family, etc. So its nice that in spite of the headache, I do know that our bond is stronger than her (lack of an) influence on him.

[AChiOhSnap]

I think the vast majority of "bad MIL" stories aren't actually a result from a seriously evil, hovering MIL and a totally victimized, innocent DIL.

I think that most MIL problems mostly occur when the MIL/DILs can't or won't be flexible with "the way things are done." People get really passionate about their traditions, familial expectations, and boundaries. So when Mary MIL suggests that maybe Danielle DIL should quit her job to stay home with the kids, Danielle is like "Hell no, this is my life and my family, butt out" and Mary is totally offended, saying "How could you go against our family tradition like that? That's not what's best for my son and grandkids." Of course, this pisses off Danielle even more and the whole debate becomes a point of extended familial contention. And thus an ugly MIL/DIL relationship begins to snowball.

Now for my future MIL stories...
Let me first say that I really love my FMIL. She's a great person and we get along very well, and she's even told my fiance that she wants to be the most easygoing MIL ever. For the most part, she's been an absolute angel. That said, she's a little "kooky" in some really funny ways. She's not exactly the most "in touch" person while I'd say my fiance and I are culturally "with it" as most 20somethings are (i.e. we know how to perform a Google search and we know that Britney Spears is a singer, etc.)

My only funny MIL stories have to do with a total, utter breakdown in communication due to what can only be described as cultural boundaries (in that I live in 2007 and she lives in 1975). For instance, MIL wanted to give my younger brother a birthday present. She asked me for ideas, so I gave her a few ideas like video games, electronic equipment, books, etc. She ended up giving my brother a bunch of Star Wars action figures. Now my brother likes Star Wars as much as any other guy, I guess, but he certainly isn't like a die-hard fan. I should also mention that brother's a COLLEGE FRESHMAN and hasn't owned toys in years. (My fiance later spoke to FMIL and the only thing she ever said about it is that someone told her that Star Wars action figures can be worth a lot of money and that she thought that they would be nice "collectibles"). Thanks for the thought anyway MIL! She's funny like that.

Other quirks include FMIL's habit of using what she perceives to be "rap slang" around black men (embarassing), mailing me every magazine/newspaper article/printed-out chain email that she believes might be remotely related to my life....everyday (annoying), and owning a pet rat that I think is rabid (scary).

She means well.

[AlexMack]

My FMIL is awesome and crazy. I swear she has ADHD but I do too so we really get along. She loves me because her son loves me and I make him happy.

My most recent ex's mother HATED me. I'm pretty sure it's because I wasn't Jewish and therefore not good enough for her darling only child. Well he's dating a jewish girl now so I hope she likes her a lot more than me.

[MJo19]

When I was sick 2 weeks ago with a high fever (102), my future MIL suggested I was ovulating and not sick.

[ISUKappa]

I get along very well with my MIL, and my husband gets along well with my mother. I think the fact we both come from similar backgrounds and family situations, and that our mothers have quite a bit in common, helps a lot.

Both of our mothers were very hands-off when we were planning our wedding, and only stepped in when we asked for their assistance. Likewise, they are great about letting us raise our son as we see fit. They're there when we ask for help, but won't go behind our backs about something regarding our son.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

I think that most MIL problems mostly occur when the MIL/DILs can't or won't be flexible with "the way things are done." People get really passionate about their traditions, familial expectations, and boundaries. So when Mary MIL suggests that maybe Danielle DIL should quit her job to stay home with the kids, Danielle is like "Hell no, this is my life and my family, butt out" and Mary is totally offended, saying "How could you go against our family tradition like that? That's not what's best for my son and grandkids." Of course, this pisses off Danielle even more and the whole debate becomes a point of extended familial contention. And thus an ugly MIL/DIL relationship begins to snowball.

I agree. Alot of it has to do with a lack of tact in expressing opinions. Like in your example, MIL thinks DIL should stay at home with the kids. Instead of asking "Have you thought about maybe staying at home for a few months?", she might be a little condescending with her opinon and say something like "I would never have dreamed of leaving Susie & Bobbie to go to work. How can you stand it?" So we're automatically on the defensive with that person just because of the way they presented their opinion.

[DSTRen13]

My soon-to-be MIL and I don't have any open hostility, but we're not best friends, and probably never will be. Two people who are both control freaks usually won't get along perfectly in that kind of relationship, so it's probably for the best that there will be a few hours separating us after the wedding. She's a very nice woman, and has great intentions, but being realistic about it, I don't think she's my biggest fan (My Southern-ness and her Yankee-ness are really clashing with this wedding planning. I will be so glad once it's done with!)

[AKA_Monet]

^^Haha, my MIL is a very difficult person because she KNOWS she's a "Black Scarlett O'Hara".

My husband did have a sitdown and strong language talk with her.

The book, "Seven Secrets to Marriage" should be read before you marry so that folks can subvert the pain and suffering.

The issue that the MIL's have is "No little heffa is gonna take my baby boy away"!!! And they always think their sons cannot make their own choices. I don't know what to say if you cannot get through all that without some sense of spirituality.

But hey, to each his/her own.

[ziasha07]

Originally Posted by MJo19

When I was sick 2 weeks ago with a high fever (102), my future MIL suggested I was ovulating and not sick.

^^ LMAO, is that good or bad?


It is offical: My mother can't stand my Sister-in-Law. She can't stop talking about the things that she does that annoy her and the woman has only been here for two weeks.

[CutiePie2000]

Why has Killarney Rose not posted in this thread yet? It is INCOMPLETE without her contributions!!!

[NUBlue&Blue]

I notice all of you are talking about your "future" MILs....well, let me just tell you that anything that annoys you now will be unbearable in about 20 years.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by NUBlue&Blue

I notice all of you are talking about your "future" MILs....well, let me just tell you that anything that annoys you now will be unbearable in about 20 years.

This is why I insist that we will not live within 3 hours, at least, of her, unless a miracle occurs. It is just for the best ...

[susan314]

I think I must be pretty lucky. I get along wonderfully with my in-laws. In fact, we lived next door to them for the first 2 years of our marriage. (Just happened to work out that while we were looking for a place to rent until we bought a house, the home next door to them became available and it was a deal we couldn't turn down.)

Had a lot of people tell me "Are you crazy? How could you even think about living next door to your in-laws?" But you know what? There was never a problem with living next door to them - not a single one. I'm not saying that I've never had any differences of opinion with them, but they've been normal disagreements that you might have with anyone you know. Not something that turned into a grudge-match, horrible in-law incident.

We moved into our own home a few years ago, but the in-laws still live under 15 minutes from us. It actually is convenient, because we have quick access to babysitting when necessary.

[1908Revelations]

I am not engaged, but this guy that I was seeing said his mom asked him a lot of questions about me. She asked do I cook for him and a lot of stuff that she does for him. No, I didn't cook for him we had only been seeing each other for about a month!! I was not trying to be his mom! She then told him that she does not understand how he is going to find anyone good enough. He is a spoiled ass brat! I acts like he dosen't know how to do anything just so other epople can do it for him. VAgirl and OOhsoflyDelta#9...you know who I am talking about.

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

I am not engaged, but this guy that I was seeing said his mom asked him a lot of questions about me. She asked do I cook for him and a lot of stuff that she does for him. No, I didn't cook for him we had only been seeing each other for about a month!! I was not trying to be his mom! She then told him that she does not understand how he is going to find anyone good enough. He is a spoiled ass brat! I acts like he dosen't know how to do anything just so other epople can do it for him. VAgirl and OOhsoflyDelta#9...you know who I am talking about.

1908Revelations, why am I not surprized......my "ya know" is a mommy's boy too...she doesn't do everything for him, he just feels like he has to tell her EVERY damn thing!! I hate that $hit...I'm always like "hey guy grow a pair and stop using mommy as your Dr. Phil...."