North vs South

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by macallan25

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.

I agree with all of this, at least in that it reflects what I was taught, how I teach my children and what is considered good manners in these parts. I recognize that what is appropriate can vary from place to place, but we live where we live and the things you describe are what is expected for good manners here. (It is, of course, acceptable for a man to shake a lady's hand if she offers it to him, not the other way around.)

Originally Posted by centaur532

Hmm...in England I always addressed my parents' friends by their first names. It's only over here that I realized people get a stick up their ass about addressing people 'in the proper manner' and switched over to calling people Mrs. and Mr.

You say "stick," I say "respect." Nothing urks me more than a salesman I have just laid eyes on for the first time calling me by my first name -- it comes across as trying to establish a false familiarity.

Using 'sweetie', 'honey' and 'dear' comes off as extremely condescending in the north.

Oh, it all depends on who says it. If she (it must be a "she") is old enough to be your grandmother (maybe your mother) and says it to just about everyone, it's fine.

And you left off my favorite -- "shug."

[AlphaFrog]

My mom's neighbor, who's about 3 years younger then me called me "Ma'am". That drives me crazy. I'm not that much elder that he needs to call me ma'am.

Also, I called the girl from my church who babysits for me and her mom answered. Her mom called out "Becky, Mrs. Lastname is on the phone for you". Please, I'm closer to the daughter's age then the mom's age...she doesn't need to call me Mrs.

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

You say "stick," I say "respect." Nothing urks me more than a salesman I have just laid eyes on for the first time calling me by my first name -- it comes across as trying to establish a false familiarity.

I agree. I've had salespeople call me by my first name and it bothers me. Personally, I see it as rude.

I have never been offended when a guy has offered me his seat or when he holds the door for me. I can stand just fine and get my own door but it's just nice to see a guy be so polite. The men here always allow the ladies to enter and leave an elevator before them. When I was in Cleveland during the summer, the men there would practically run me over to get onto the elevator first. One guy was so anxious to get out of the elevator first that he completely knocked me out of his way as I was trying to move through the elevator doors. Cleveland is certainly not representive of the entire North (or Midwest depending on who you ask) but there was definitely a difference between the way guys act there versus in the South.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

I have never been offended when a guy has offered me his seat or when he holds the door for me. I can stand just fine and get my own door but it's just nice to see a guy be so polite. The men here always allow the ladies to enter and leave an elevator before them. When I was in Cleveland during the summer, the men there would practically run me over to get onto the elevator first. One guy was so anxious to get out of the elevator first that he completely knocked me out of his way as I was trying to move through the elevator doors.

I don't get offended by it, but it's confusing and annoying to me when guys are really stubborn about it. If you are a man, and are the closest to the elevator door, blocking my way to the door, for heaven's sakes, get out of the stupid elevator before the thing closes, instead of trying to squirm your "polite" a$$ all over the place so I can get out first! (This has happened to me so many times, and maybe I'm just spoiled or something, but still.)

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

I don't get offended by it, but it's confusing and annoying to me when guys are really stubborn about it. If you are a man, and are the closest to the elevator door, blocking my way to the door, for heaven's sakes, get out of the stupid elevator before the thing closes, instead of trying to squirm your "polite" a$$ all over the place so I can get out first! (This has happened to me so many times, and maybe I'm just spoiled or something, but still.)

OH MY LORD YES THIS DRIVES ME INSANE. The other day I MADE a bunch of guys get out of the elevator before me - I just refused to move. Doing what you described isn't good manners or common sense, it's stupid.

If guys don't get up/hold doors etc, maybe they've been on the unlucky end of some feminazi who yelled at them for doing it. As far as the bus is concerned, I don't expect guys to stand up for me - they've had a long hard day, too. For the women who are like "but my shooooeess hurt!" well, that's your own dumb fault.

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

Originally Posted by 33girl

OH MY LORD YES THIS DRIVES ME INSANE. The other day I MADE a bunch of guys get out of the elevator before me - I just refused to move. Doing what you described isn't good manners or common sense, it's stupid.

If guys don't get up/hold doors etc, maybe they've been on the unlucky end of some feminazi who yelled at them for doing it. As far as the bus is concerned, I don't expect guys to stand up for me - they've had a long hard day, too. For the women who are like "but my shooooeess hurt!" well, that's your own dumb fault.

my son (when I have one) will be taught to be a gentleman...he will open doors, give up his seat, and do whatever else he can to make a lady in his presence comfortable...my boyfriend opens doors, walks on the street side of the sidewalk, guides me through a crowd with his hand at the small of my back, and is just an all around gentleman...I have no problem with gender roles in my relationship...if these basics were still taught to young boys we probably wouldn't have so many men who will throw around the bitch, ho,
c-word so often...do I expect this level of respect from a man, hell yes...but maybe its because I'm a GRITS...oh I quoted you because I expect there to be at least one gentlman on a bus (when I rode buses) I was never surprized though if there wasn't...
oh yeah, if there was a senior citizen on the bus standing and no men gave up their seat, I would...

[UGAalum94]

I realize that guys are often trained to do it and women are not, but I hold doors for other people when I can, period, even if it's for a guy. It just seems like the nice thing to do if you got to the door first.

If I'm walking with a guy that I know was raised to hold door, like any male member of my family, I'll kind of wait to let them get it for me, but with everyone else, it's just who gets there first.

It's funny sometimes at work, when I'll get the office door for a group of us going in, that some guys cannot let you hold the door for them, and that, I think, is funny.

We should just be nice to each other generally. Sure, teach your male kids to be gentlemen to women, but mainly teach them to treat other PEOPLE well.

ETA: you know what kind of old fashioned thing that I really like to see men do? Hold coats for women to put on. Does anyone else know what I mean? Imagine your grandparents leaving a party to which they both wore coats.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

ETA: you know what kind of old fashioned thing that I really like to see men do? Hold coats for women to put on. Does anyone else know what I mean? Imagine your grandparents leaving a party to which they both wore coats.

With out formal staff to assist, the gentleman assists the lady with her coat. Then the gentleman may put his own coat on. This is similar to being seated for dinner. The gentlemen assist the ladies first, then they may seat themselves.

And if a male host escorts their guests to the door, it is appropriate for him to assist both the lady and the gentleman. And while I am not certain, I would guess that it would be appropriate for the female host to assist a lady with her coat as well.

As for within the family, it is always appropriate for those who are younger, to offer assistance to those who are older. Regardless of gender.

[PhoenixAzul]

I'm sorry, but again, I think that is one of the more "silly" things to me.

"assist" me in putting my coat on? What am I , 5? I'm perfectly capable of putting my coat on by myself, along with finding and sitting in my own seat.

[MissCaramella]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

We should just be nice to each other generally. Sure, teach your male kids to be gentlemen to women, but mainly teach them to treat other PEOPLE well.

MAJOR cosign on that one.

[BeOfService1rst]

Interesting. I do think that regionalisms play a big role in "manners" across geographic areas. I have lived in all of the regions in the United States (except the 'mountain' zone) and have seen it first hand. Some things are universal, but regionalisms cannot be denied by any stretch of the imagination.