North vs South

[shinerbock]

Just because there are rude people everywhere doesn't mean there isn't a regional difference.

[Emory Kappa]

Though I'm a born and bred Southerner, my midwestern mom didn't have me call people ma'am and sir. She did teach me to be respectful, though without the extra verbiage. And important things like "do not walk and eat at the same time, it's rude."

Now that I'll be raising a child in New England, I find I'm already adding "Miss" to my friends' names. As in "Say hello to Miss Laurie!" Not that he can say much more than "Ah DAH!" and "Deesh" right now. I hope this won't make his friends think he's weird.

Several years ago when we were visiting my family, my dear Yankee husband said "I wish we could move South when we have kids. Everyone, even children, are so much more polite, and that's kinda nice."

[Tom Earp]

Originally Posted by Emory Kappa

Though I'm a born and bred Southerner, my midwestern mom didn't have me call people ma'am and sir. She did teach me to be respectful, though without the extra verbiage. And important things like "do not walk and eat at the same time, it's rude."

Now that I'll be raising a child in New England, I find I'm already adding "Miss" to my friends' names. As in "Say hello to Miss Laurie!" Not that he can say much more than "Ah DAH!" and "Deesh" right now. I hope this won't make his friends think he's weird.

Several years ago when we were visiting my family, my dear Yankee husband said "I wish we could move South when we have kids. Everyone, even children, are so much more polite, and that's kinda nice."

Just Amazing isn't it about manners?

It makes no difference where people are from if they are civil to others!

"Hi I maybe visiting, but you people are Idiots!"

Interesting fact to be true!

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by shinerbock

Just because there are rude people everywhere doesn't mean there isn't a regional difference.

"Regional difference in what" is the question.

If we're talking about different cultures that make politeness, crassness, and rudeness vary in delivery and interpretation, I agree. If we're talking about Southern culture being generally more polite than Northern culture, I strongly disagree.

[shinerbock]

I think in everyday activities, portions of the north are much more abrasive than the rest of the country. Not saying there aren't rude people in the south, but in my experience people generally act more pleasant to strangers here. Of course, it depends on interpretation, many northern people I would consider to be harsh sounding or rude probably would deny they come off as such.

[alum]

There may be some Northerners who don't know how to raise their children to behave in public, but that certainly isn't representative of all residents above the M-D line. We also enroll our children in cotillion and etiquette classes to reinforce what they learn at home. I grew up in the North but lived with Southerners for the majority of my adult life thanks to GEN Alum.

That being said, in terms of a default, I never would have allowed my kids to call my friends Miss Cathy and Miss Ashley as opposed to Mrs. Smith and Mrs Jones. To me, calling an adult by the first name even with a Miss or Mr. added, is the height of rudeness. However, if one of my Southern friends specifically asked to be called Miss Firstname instead Mrs. Surname, then I would have allowed my children to do so.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by alum

There may be some Northerners who don't know how to raise their children to behave in public, but that certainly isn't representative of all residents above the M-D line. We also enroll our children in cotillion and etiquette classes to reinforce what they learn at home. I grew up in the North but lived with Southerners for the majority of my adult life thanks to GEN Alum.

That being said, in terms of a default, I never would have allowed my kids to call my friends Miss Cathy and Miss Ashley as opposed to Mrs. Smith and Mrs Jones. To me, calling an adult by the first name even with a Miss or Mr. added, is the height of rudeness. However, if one of my Southern friends specifically asked to be called Miss Firstname instead Mrs. Surname, then I would have allowed my children to do so.

Yep, I was raised to call people Mrs. Smith, not Miss firstname, but the Miss Firstname can be perfect. When I was in college, I worked with people with various ages; generally, we called people by their first names, but with southern ladies of a mature age, calling them Miss Firstname seemed perfect. It seemed respectful and yet not as formal as Mrs. Lastname would have seemed.

ETA: is the Miss Firstname thing even regional within the South? Is it more common in certain places than others?

[PhoenixAzul]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

Yep, I was raised to call people Mrs. Smith, not Miss firstname, but the Miss Firstname can be perfect. When I was in college, I worked with people with various ages; generally, we called people by their first names, but with southern ladies of a mature age, calling them Miss Firstname seemed perfect. It seemed respectful and yet not as formal as Mrs. Lastname would have seemed.

I tell the kids I teach in camp or swim lessons to call me either Ms. Lastname or Tracey. I'm not that much older than all of them. I really hate being called Miss Lifeguard though...aaauugh! Firstname or Miss Lastname is fine with me, but Miss Tracey for some reason does my head in .

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

I tell the kids I teach in camp or swim lessons to call me either Ms. Lastname or Tracey. I'm not that much older than all of them. I really hate being called Miss Lifeguard though...aaauugh! Firstname or Miss Lastname is fine with me, but Miss Tracey for some reason does my head in .

In my example, the age difference was about thirty or so years. It seemed rude to only call them by first name, and yet the cultural of the place was so informal.

I think there's also a Southern trend to call everyone Aunt, Uncle or Cousin and then first name, even when it's like a second cousin, great aunt etc.

I keep thinking more about this. Why is it only women who get this treatment, usually? Because they're the one's working with kids?

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by alum

There may be some Northerners who don't know how to raise their children to behave in public, but that certainly isn't representative of all residents above the M-D line. We also enroll our children in cotillion and etiquette classes to reinforce what they learn at home. I grew up in the North but lived with Southerners for the majority of my adult life thanks to GEN Alum.

That being said, in terms of a default, I never would have allowed my kids to call my friends Miss Cathy and Miss Ashley as opposed to Mrs. Smith and Mrs Jones. To me, calling an adult by the first name even with a Miss or Mr. added, is the height of rudeness. However, if one of my Southern friends specifically asked to be called Miss Firstname instead Mrs. Surname, then I would have allowed my children to do so.

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by macallan25

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.

Hmm...in England I always addressed my parents' friends by their first names. It's only over here that I realized people get a stick up their ass about addressing people 'in the proper manner' and switched over to calling people Mrs. and Mr.
Using 'sweetie', 'honey' and 'dear' comes off as extremely condescending in the north.
But oh god, I agree with the handshake spiel. I always give a firm handshake, it drives me up the wall to shake hands with someone who won't give me the same decency.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by macallan25

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.

I agree with all of this, at least in that it reflects what I was taught, how I teach my children and what is considered good manners in these parts. I recognize that what is appropriate can vary from place to place, but we live where we live and the things you describe are what is expected for good manners here. (It is, of course, acceptable for a man to shake a lady's hand if she offers it to him, not the other way around.)

Originally Posted by centaur532

Hmm...in England I always addressed my parents' friends by their first names. It's only over here that I realized people get a stick up their ass about addressing people 'in the proper manner' and switched over to calling people Mrs. and Mr.

You say "stick," I say "respect." Nothing urks me more than a salesman I have just laid eyes on for the first time calling me by my first name -- it comes across as trying to establish a false familiarity.

Using 'sweetie', 'honey' and 'dear' comes off as extremely condescending in the north.

Oh, it all depends on who says it. If she (it must be a "she") is old enough to be your grandmother (maybe your mother) and says it to just about everyone, it's fine.

And you left off my favorite -- "shug."