North vs South

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

New York does not equal the entire North.

Thanks.

There are rude people everywhere, I know this, even down here. I do think though that manners and hospitality are more widespread down here, especially when it comes to strangers.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by macallan25

Thanks.

There are rude people everywhere, I know this, even down here. I do think though that manners and hospitality are more widespread down here, especially when it comes to strangers.

I just think generalizing that New York is representative of the north is like saying that, oh, Jacksonville is representative of the south.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

It was me. The proper way according to some people (on another message board) is using a fork to twirl the spaghetti and then placing it on a spoon. In some restaurants, they even have a special spoon for spaghetti. I don't use it of course.

If anything, the "twirl it against the spoon" thing is what's rude. Only peasants use a spoon in Italy. (Direct quote from Emily Post, BTW) And I've NEVER heard of actually putting it on a spoon and eating it with a spoon!! If you can't manage to twirl spaghetti without hitting everyone with sauce, cut it with your fork. Or order penne pasta instead.

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

I just think generalizing that New York is representative of the north is like saying that, oh, Jacksonville is representative of the south.

I didn't say they were representative of the North........I simply stated that when I have been in New York I have never seen so many ridiculous, rude, unfriendly assholes. The poster above me was from Brooklyn.....made me think of New York.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by macallan25

I didn't say they were representative of the North........I simply stated that when I have been in New York I have never seen so many ridiculous, rude, unfriendly assholes. The poster above me was from Brooklyn.....made me think of New York.

Fair enough - I won't argue with that. I think that there's probablly an equal proportion of nice people and jerks everywhere but in NYC there's just so many more people that the jerks are so much more obvious.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If anything, the "twirl it against the spoon" thing is what's rude. Only peasants use a spoon in Italy. (Direct quote from Emily Post, BTW) And I've NEVER heard of actually putting it on a spoon and eating it with a spoon!! If you can't manage to twirl spaghetti without hitting everyone with sauce, cut it with your fork. Or order penne pasta instead.

I have been verbally harrassed for not using a spoon to twirl my pasta before, lol This individual, whose state I will not name to protect those from there who are no doubt normal and decent people, went on and on about how all of us horrible and undignified Southerners just shouldn't even eat Italian food since we disgrace it by not handling it appropriately (???).

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by macallan25

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.

Hmm...in England I always addressed my parents' friends by their first names. It's only over here that I realized people get a stick up their ass about addressing people 'in the proper manner' and switched over to calling people Mrs. and Mr.
Using 'sweetie', 'honey' and 'dear' comes off as extremely condescending in the north.
But oh god, I agree with the handshake spiel. I always give a firm handshake, it drives me up the wall to shake hands with someone who won't give me the same decency.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by macallan25

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.

I agree with all of this, at least in that it reflects what I was taught, how I teach my children and what is considered good manners in these parts. I recognize that what is appropriate can vary from place to place, but we live where we live and the things you describe are what is expected for good manners here. (It is, of course, acceptable for a man to shake a lady's hand if she offers it to him, not the other way around.)

Originally Posted by centaur532

Hmm...in England I always addressed my parents' friends by their first names. It's only over here that I realized people get a stick up their ass about addressing people 'in the proper manner' and switched over to calling people Mrs. and Mr.

You say "stick," I say "respect." Nothing urks me more than a salesman I have just laid eyes on for the first time calling me by my first name -- it comes across as trying to establish a false familiarity.

Using 'sweetie', 'honey' and 'dear' comes off as extremely condescending in the north.

Oh, it all depends on who says it. If she (it must be a "she") is old enough to be your grandmother (maybe your mother) and says it to just about everyone, it's fine.

And you left off my favorite -- "shug."

[AlphaFrog]

My mom's neighbor, who's about 3 years younger then me called me "Ma'am". That drives me crazy. I'm not that much elder that he needs to call me ma'am.

Also, I called the girl from my church who babysits for me and her mom answered. Her mom called out "Becky, Mrs. Lastname is on the phone for you". Please, I'm closer to the daughter's age then the mom's age...she doesn't need to call me Mrs.

[DSTKellie]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

There's no regional difference. Rude people with no home training are everywhere.

I agree! Take it from someone who was born and raised on the East Coast, went to school in the Midwest and lived in the South. I've seen rude and polite behavior all over.

However, I will say that 'certain' manners are more expected in the South (I could be wrong this is just based on my experience). My husband whose family is very southern was taught to open doors for ladies, pull out chairs, give up his seat at a bus stop or a waiting room if a female is standing. When I was in college many of the gentlemen did not do this so I did not expect it. I had the mentality that I can open my own door. When I met my husband he was offended by this thinking and he told me that I should expect a man to open my door. I am usually not offended or upset when a man doesn't get the door for me, I guess this could be based on where I am from.

[shinerbock]

I don't think we do it because you'll be offended, its just the proper thing to do. Whenever I would ride the campus bus as an undergrad, guys (at least the greeks) would always give up their seats to the girls.

[PhiMuAmberkins]

Originally Posted by DSTKellie

My husband whose family is very southern was taught to open doors for ladies, pull out chairs, give up his seat at a bus stop or a waiting room if a female is standing. When I was in college many of the gentlemen did not do this so I did not expect it. I had the mentality that I can open my own door. When I met my husband he was offended by this thinking and he told me that I should expect a man to open my door.

And this is why I love good Southern men!

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by shinerbock

I don't think we do it because you'll be offended, its just the proper thing to do. Whenever I would ride the campus bus as an undergrad, guys (at least the greeks) would always give up their seats to the girls.

I cannot imagine why anyone would be offended that someone else would offer them a seat. I swear, sometimes I think people just look for a reason to be offended.

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

You say "stick," I say "respect." Nothing urks me more than a salesman I have just laid eyes on for the first time calling me by my first name -- it comes across as trying to establish a false familiarity.

I agree. I've had salespeople call me by my first name and it bothers me. Personally, I see it as rude.

I have never been offended when a guy has offered me his seat or when he holds the door for me. I can stand just fine and get my own door but it's just nice to see a guy be so polite. The men here always allow the ladies to enter and leave an elevator before them. When I was in Cleveland during the summer, the men there would practically run me over to get onto the elevator first. One guy was so anxious to get out of the elevator first that he completely knocked me out of his way as I was trying to move through the elevator doors. Cleveland is certainly not representive of the entire North (or Midwest depending on who you ask) but there was definitely a difference between the way guys act there versus in the South.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

I have never been offended when a guy has offered me his seat or when he holds the door for me. I can stand just fine and get my own door but it's just nice to see a guy be so polite. The men here always allow the ladies to enter and leave an elevator before them. When I was in Cleveland during the summer, the men there would practically run me over to get onto the elevator first. One guy was so anxious to get out of the elevator first that he completely knocked me out of his way as I was trying to move through the elevator doors.

I don't get offended by it, but it's confusing and annoying to me when guys are really stubborn about it. If you are a man, and are the closest to the elevator door, blocking my way to the door, for heaven's sakes, get out of the stupid elevator before the thing closes, instead of trying to squirm your "polite" a$$ all over the place so I can get out first! (This has happened to me so many times, and maybe I'm just spoiled or something, but still.)