North vs South

OOhsoflyDELTA#9 · #1 01-21-2007, 02:15 PM

this is a slight spinoff from the girl beer etiquette but that thread brought this to mind...my co-worker turned close friend is from Syracuse, I'm from NC...(we are the same age different races) and her "manners" in general are horrible IMO...from belching/farting out loud in public, to allowing her children (3 girls) to answer an adult with a "what", and allowing them to think announcing their farts is funny...she will drink beer from a bottle/can and is just crass all the way around...she claims its regional and feels that I'm way too hard on my daughter, but I feel I'm raising a young "lady" and although I love her kids she's raising ummm not young "ladies"...she claims life up north is different and she and her husband both say I'm too damn proper..

my question..for those of you who are transplanted either from the north to the south or vice versa do find a difference in "manners" or is my friend the exception from most northern women???

Honeykiss1974 · #2 01-21-2007, 02:23 PM

I grew up in Mississippi and right now I'm in Kansas. There is a DEFINITE difference in hospitality and manners! Now granted, I went to what is basically known as "etiquette school" so while I don't expect 100% good manners from everyone, I do expect people to exercise some basic decorum in public and in front of others. That's just simply being nice and polite - two traits you don't have to learn in etiquette school if you're raised right.

An dont get me started on kids answering their parents with "what". Growing up if i answered my parents or any old person for that matter with "what", I would gotten snatched up real quick. But I think that's just a parenting thing and not just a southern thing.....least I hope not.

Dionysus · #3 01-21-2007, 02:27 PM

What's wrong with answering "what?" I never heard of this.

GeekyPenguin · #4 01-21-2007, 02:45 PM

Maybe she was just drinking from a bottle because her chalice was dirty.

JeffersonStKKG · #5 01-21-2007, 02:56 PM

Though I am a Floridian, I was raised as my mother was---a Tennessean. I even went to the same boarding/prep. school she (as well as a really great actress...) attended in Nashville, Harpeth Hall. I came out (to society...dirty minds

), took etiquette classes and attended Cotillion. Now, I join my mother in our Junior League chapter. One would assume from the aforementioned statements that I am a prissy woman; however, I have been an athlete my entire life---through college. Still, I incorporate everyday graciousness in my life and remain close with the lessons I have learned.

Tippiechick · #6 01-21-2007, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JeffersonStKKG

Though I am a Floridian, I was raised as my mother was---a Tennessean. I even went to the same boarding/prep. school she (as well as a really great actress...) attended in Nashville, Harpeth Hall. I came out (to society...dirty minds

), took etiquette classes and attended Cotillion. Now, I join my mother in our Junior League chapter. One would assume from the aforementioned statements that I am a prissy woman; however, I have been an athlete my entire life---through college. Still, I incorporate everyday graciousness in my life and remain close with the lessons I have learned.

Well, that explains your pretentious bullshit...

UGAalum94 · #7 01-21-2007, 03:18 PM

It sounds like the OP's co-worker is just kind of vulgar and is raising kids to be the same way where the OP knows that she wants children who are well mannered and well behaved.

I'm afraid some people are tedious and enforce rules more about corrections and "proper" behavior as a way of looking down on people.

In spite of the church lady-type manners police, for most people good manners are a way of making sure you treat other people well and are about offering direction for situations in which being unsure could lead to bad feelings or uncertainty about how to act.

In the OP's case, her children will have the comfort and confidence of knowing how to interact with people and will know not to offend other people. The OP's co-worker's kids will unfortunately learn that they aren't so lucky. A good segment of society doesn't want to be around people belching and farting and announcing their belches and farts. I don't think it's limited to the South.

lilbay77 · #8 01-21-2007, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dionysus

What's wrong with answering "what?" I never heard of this.

It is extremely rude IMO. "Yes?", sounds much better. My mother nipped that one in the bud really early with my sister and I.

Intense1920 · #9 01-21-2007, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilbay77

It is extremely rude IMO. "Yes?", sounds much better. My mother nipped that one in the bud really early with my sister and I.

We didn't get the option of saying "what" or "yes". It was "yes ma'am' or "yes sir". LOL

tunatartare · #10 01-21-2007, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dionysus

What's wrong with answering "what?" I never heard of this.

Same here. If my mother calls me or something am I supposed to respond with "oh yes, mother dearest?"

lilbay77 · #11 01-21-2007, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tunatartare

If my mother calls me or something am I supposed to respond with "oh yes, mother dearest?"

Sure, if your mom is Joan Crawford.

DSTCHAOS · #12 01-21-2007, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilbay77

Sure, if your mom is Joan Crawford.

NO...WIRE...HANGERS!!!!!!!!

Phimuteach · #13 01-21-2007, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dionysus

What's wrong with answering "what?" I never heard of this.

In general, the polite way to answer is "Yes" or something to that effect. "What" is perceived as rude/defensive to many people.

I grew up in the south and moved up to the midwest when I was an adolescent. I also went to college down south my first couple years and transferred back to the midwest. I think in general, there is a difference in politeness with strangers between the north and south. When we moved to Ohio, my family was surprised when we went to grocery stores and the clerks didn't greet us and such.

Midwesterners can be very friendly/polite people, but more so with people we know, in my experience.

DSTCHAOS · #14 01-21-2007, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dionysus

What's wrong with answering "what?" I never heard of this.

It's rude. A child should respond "yes?" and if they don't hear what an adult says, say something like "excuse me?"

My mother never let us say "nevermind" to an adult either because it's dismissive. Children should always have respect and deference for adults.

To this day I speak to my elders in a respectful manner.

Dionysus · #15 01-21-2007, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Children should always have respect and deference for adults.

Literally? Not just parents or other family members? That idea has always made me uncomfortable. I know as many fucked up old people as young people. I believe that everyone should earn respect, regardless of age. You shouldn't be rude either, but going out your way to be polite and respectful just because someone is older than you doesn't make a lot of sense. According to this kind of thinking, we all should be extra polite to Tom Earp.