What would raise a yellow, or red flag on a 1st date for you?

[aephi alum]

It's been a long time since I've been on the dating scene.

But I'd say that my red flags would include:

- bragging about sexual exploits
- talking incessantly about ex's
- getting too drunk (drinking responsibly on a first date is ok, getting falling-down-drunk is not)
- smoking (social smoking is ok, but regular daily smoking is not)
- admitting to current, regular use of illegal drugs (get off the drugs first, then we'll talk)
- strong fundamentalist religious views (e.g. a woman's place is in the home, watch your skirt - you're showing too much ankle, etc.)
- dresses in a very sloppy manner (e.g. torn or stained clothes) or in a manner inappropriate to the venue (e.g. jeans or sneakers at a very nice restaurant)

Yellow flags:

- late without a good reason (this is the first date - even if you're so chronically late that you'd be late to your own funeral, you should at least try to pick me up / meet me on time!)
- not tipping, or lowballing the tip, unless the service was actually bad (I used to date a guy who would never tip waitstaff or cab drivers... )
- can't hold a conversation / gives one-word answers to open-ended questions
- dictates where we are going on the date. Asking me what type of food I like, asking me if I have a restaurant to suggest, suggesting a type of cuisine or a specific restaurant and asking me if I'd like that - all are good. But "I know this great place where they serve only liver and brussels sprouts, and that's where we're going!" is not ok.

Okay, so I'm picky.

[AchtungBaby80]

I agree with pretty much everything you said, aephi alum. Guess that means I'm picky, too! The only thing I would add to that list is if a gentleman alludes to the fact that he spends an inordinate amount of time with his mom, or bases all his opinions on what his mom thinks, etc. I love a man who respects his mother, but I've also had a good relationship damaged because of one loving mama who just couldn't bear to see any girl "steal" her precious son and it wasn't pleasant.

[agzg]

Red Flags:
Gratuitous use of curse words on a first date - if one slips out, that's fine (everyone's human) but I wanna know that if I take him home to meet my parents he's not going to drop the f-bomb in front of mom and dad!

Not even offering to pay. I'm a modern woman, I can pay my own way, but at least offer.

Sloppy dress... I get the trends and stuff, but if he looks dirty, it's definitely a no-go.

Talks more about work, school or TV shows more than hobbies, books, or movies. I'm not looking for someone that can pontificate for hours about heavy French Rennaissance literature, but watching TV for 100% of his free time instead of reading a book/fostering a hobby/even going out to the theater to see a play or a movie is definitely a red flag. And if he talks about work or school way too much, I get the feeling that there's no time in his life for me.

Brags about drinking skills. Laaaaaame.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

It's been a long time since I've been on the dating scene.

But I'd say that my red flags would include:

- bragging about sexual exploits
- talking incessantly about ex's
- getting too drunk (drinking responsibly on a first date is ok, getting falling-down-drunk is not)
- smoking (social smoking is ok, but regular daily smoking is not)
- admitting to current, regular use of illegal drugs (get off the drugs first, then we'll talk)
- strong fundamentalist religious views (e.g. a woman's place is in the home, watch your skirt - you're showing too much ankle, etc.)
- dresses in a very sloppy manner (e.g. torn or stained clothes) or in a manner inappropriate to the venue (e.g. jeans or sneakers at a very nice restaurant)

Yellow flags:

- late without a good reason (this is the first date - even if you're so chronically late that you'd be late to your own funeral, you should at least try to pick me up / meet me on time!)
- not tipping, or lowballing the tip, unless the service was actually bad (I used to date a guy who would never tip waitstaff or cab drivers... )
- can't hold a conversation / gives one-word answers to open-ended questions
- dictates where we are going on the date. Asking me what type of food I like, asking me if I have a restaurant to suggest, suggesting a type of cuisine or a specific restaurant and asking me if I'd like that - all are good. But "I know this great place where they serve only liver and brussels sprouts, and that's where we're going!" is not ok.

Okay, so I'm picky.

Nah, I pretty much agree with everything you said AEPhialum. Regular use of drugs is a no-no. I can deal with occasional use, but not, 'I get baked every night, I can't survive without it.'
I couldn't deal with cosplay, anime or anything like that. However-I have friends who game (like Vampire, D&D). I don't do it, won't do it, do not see the appeal, but they're my friends and I love them. My SO used to game (doesn't anymore) and still has all the books etc. I do make fun of him for it occasionally, but he's not an anti-social, pasty white nerd so I just let it slide.

I'm also like Dolphinchica- make fun of my big bag o' drugs and you're gone. Once is cool, a couple of times, sure, but a consistent thing? Look, I need them to stay alive.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

I so agree with you PrettyBoy about family. What's the point of picking a decent guy/girl if they have a really really fucked up family? Unless they aren't close to their family at all, it's very easy for their family's drama to spill over into your relationship. I've witnessed this way too many times, and have even experienced it once. I once dropped a guy I really liked only after dating two or three weeks, because I couldn't handle the drama from his thug assed brother. I WILL NOT put up with having to pool money to bail someone out of jail, having my things stolen, letting family members live and freeload of us, fearing our personal safety if a family member is violent, and so on.

That's it! You hit the nail on the head. Once I find out her family is the least bit opposite of mine, I mean, it can just be one thing. ...There will not be a 2nd date. We can be friends and that's it. Nothing else. I've told women this too. I let them know up front after they started showing me that they want more. I just told them our backgrounds are too different. So far I have a friend I like a lot, she's really nice, and our backgrounds are very similar. Everything seems cool so far .

[1908Revelations]

The last time I went out with a guy, I didn't really like the guy, but I decided to go. Well his breath was kung-fu fighting and he was staring at me the whole time during the movie! I thought what was too weird. He wouldn't look away, so I thought I had food in my teeth. He wanted to hold my hand and he was being waaaayyyy to clingy....this was the first and last time we went out.....I refuse to call it a date

[ΑΓΔSquirrel10]

I went out to lunch with this guy I met at college at the beginning of my freshmen year. We had talked before, and I thought he was very a cool guy, I really enjoyed talking to him, so I agreed to meet him for lunch one day. Well, I have NO IDEA what happened to him, but several factors turned me off. The boy was SO NERVOUS that he ate 2 bites of his food before throwing it away. It's ok to be nervous, but he showed no signs of loosening up around me. That didn't bother me as much as his obsession with internet cartoons!!!!! He kept going on and on about them, and then he started QUOTING THEM.....IN CARTOON VOICES!!!!!! People at tables around us were kinda looking over at us with "wtf" looks on their faces. Ugh...soooo embarrassing!!!

[christiangirl]

Someone who starts to name our children and telling how wonderful marriage is going to be and how he can't wait. FREAKING HUGE RED FLAG. Unfortunately, that's a true story right there. Needless to say, little Josiah and Paija were never born because mommy thought daddy was an obsessive loser and refused to go on second date.

[ΑΓΔSquirrel10]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Someone who starts to name our children and telling how wonderful marriage is going to be and how he can't wait. FREAKING HUGE RED FLAG. Unfortunately, that's a true story right there. Needless to say, little Josiah and Paija were never born because mommy thought daddy was an obsessive loser and refused to go on second date.

This made me laugh so hard.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by ΑΓΔSquirrel10

That didn't bother me as much as his obsession with internet cartoons!!!!! He kept going on and on about them, and then he started QUOTING THEM.....IN CARTOON VOICES!!!

You went out with jon1856???


Just kidding jon.

[PrettyBoy]

Not too long ago my best friend set me up on a blind date that I didn't want to go on, but he talked me into it. She and I talked on the phone for a few hours, a week before our date. She wanted to go see a movie (bad place on a 1st date), so we met at the theater. This girl was so short it was insane. She was o.k. looking, very insecure, but extremely short. I was so mad at myself for letting my buddy talk me into going out with her. I'm 5'8' so I'm no giant, but I can't go out with a woman barely 5 feet.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Not too long ago my best friend set me up on a blind date that I didn't want to go on, but he talked me into it. She and I talked on the phone for a few hours, a week before our date. She wanted to go see a movie (bad place on a 1st date), so we met at the theater. This girl was so short it was insane. She was o.k. looking, very insecure, but extremely short. I was so mad at myself for letting my buddy talk me into going out with her. I'm 5'8' so I'm no giant, but I can't go out with a woman barely 5 feet.

You're a short guy. A 5 foot tall girl is perfect for you. Girls over like 5'5 or so aren't going to want a man that they can't even wear heels around. A girl being 8 inches shorter than you is a pretty good ratio.

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Not too long ago my best friend set me up on a blind date that I didn't want to go on, but he talked me into it. She and I talked on the phone for a few hours, a week before our date. She wanted to go see a movie (bad place on a 1st date), so we met at the theater. This girl was so short it was insane. She was o.k. looking, very insecure, but extremely short. I was so mad at myself for letting my buddy talk me into going out with her. I'm 5'8' so I'm no giant, but I can't go out with a woman barely 5 feet.

ummm yeah you're FAR from a gaint lol...I'm 5'10...6 ft plus with heels...unfortunately I would have to look down then over you little man...

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Not too long ago my best friend set me up on a blind date that I didn't want to go on, but he talked me into it. She and I talked on the phone for a few hours, a week before our date. She wanted to go see a movie (bad place on a 1st date), so we met at the theater. This girl was so short it was insane. She was o.k. looking, very insecure, but extremely short. I was so mad at myself for letting my buddy talk me into going out with her. I'm 5'8' so I'm no giant, but I can't go out with a woman barely 5 feet.

PrettyBoy you're a little guy. I'm 5'7". I don't wear really high heels but the heels I do wear I would stilll be taller than you. We should start calling you PrettyshortBoy. LOL.

[ZTAMich]

A red flag for me once was heavy smoking. The guy kept excusing himself to go outside & smoke. What really pissed me off wasn't the smoking but that he went out more than 2 times to smoke. I understand it's an addiction but have some manners!