Is sex really that big of a deal?

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Hehe, girl they don't understand. We can have friends with benefits, too...they've just forgotten how to get creative with it. But yes, there are more of us, we're just a rare commodity.

I've tried to meet guys at church, the only problem is that I go to a small church, we've tended to pass around guys since there aren't many options. Once I move, that'll open up some doors, but it's just so discouraging that a choice that I've made is limiting my life. I have no intention of changing it, but outside of an arranged marriage, I'm losing hope over here. I know that I have my whole life ahead of me and guys my age are generally half-baked anyway, but come on. I never really believed I'd marry a guy who waited too, but at this point, the only guys who honestly respected my decision have been WAY older than me and I wasn't comfortable being with them anyway...(what 27 year old wants to get with an 18 year old? Yeah, he didn't want anything except my company...of course he didn't....)

There is no such thing as "friends with benefits". Friends don't get passes like that. If anything, they are really player cards.

Here is the deal and this is from a Public Health and CDC Perspective.

You need to protect yourself with condom(s) and birth control if you are sleeping with a man for the first time even if it is your husband.

Or you had better have a sense of smell stronger than a female dog...

The fact is when the boys figure out you ain't gonna put out, they go to others to fulfull their sexual appetite.

Keeping your virginity intact is cool and all. But you also need to have a fine idea of what it looks like when a man sleeps around.

It use to hurt to see that happen, but now it can kill you...

This is not even close to a joke.

No since of imagining your first night when it could be your last...

And the same goes for women who sleep around without protection.

Also, for women we sacrifice our empowered spirit and potential (E.S.P.) when we permit the assault and vandalism of our vaginas.

There are reasons for me saying this.

[interestladiLTA]

I have decided to wait until I am married to have sex. I have dated guys with very strong sex drives. One guy in particular tried to force me to have sex. Now that I have found someone I can see myself with forever I struggle with keeping my promise to myself and just being sexually frustrated or give into my desires and put my self at risks for a broken heart and/or or the other risks that come with sex...

[tld221]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Also, for women we sacrifice our empowered spirit and potential (E.S.P.) when we permit the assault and vandalism of our vaginas.

we gonna have to call you Reverend AKA_Monet!

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by interestladiLTA

I have decided to wait until I am married to have sex. I have dated guys with very strong sex drives. One guy in particular tried to force me to have sex. Now that I have found someone I can see myself with forever I struggle with keeping my promise to myself and just being sexually frustrated or give into my desires and put my self at risks for a broken heart and/or or the other risks that come with sex...

Look, the scientists don't have the answers to protect your broken heart after sex.

IMO, sexual emotion should be in the realm of a Spiritual Trek or Fancy.

You NEVER know what you might enjoy sexually. Maybe you are into a "ball gag" and dominion. Maybe you are into a bear rug by the fire. Either way, gag or fire, you still have to protect yourself for the responsibilities of emotions after sex. That's why if done properly, it doesn't hurt... Not this it'll get better with more practice...

Erections just are physically impossible beyond 3 hours unless the man downs all his Vitamin V's and Cialis' in the outdoor bathtubs. Once sex is done that's your experience. You want to make the most of it especially if you are multi-orgasmic. Now, if the dude has multiples, that's different, but one erection for 3 hours... I'm sorry. Something's wrong with him... Most of the time is ~5-30 minutes at the longest... That's your time frame to get your groove...

And anyone forcing anything sexual is called rape...

And there are some women here that have suffered unspeakable sex crimes, from child abuse to rape.

If that is going on, you need to see a professional therapist and get your mind straight before any relationship with a qualified professional healthcare professional. The National Association of Mental Illness, Planned Parenthood, and several other groups exist to assist women who have been attacked and abused. Also, I think Honeychile is a crisis counselor. There are others on GC.

One avenue is the thought process of the Tantra. Others have found support in Buddhist practices.

But what you do not want is to be struggling out there along with no one but that fool that abused you.

If you have very serious issues, PM me and we find assistance.

Dr. AKA_Monet
Chief of GC Hospital

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

As long as you're only talking to other virgins or fully explain yourself every time, you'll be fine.

I totally agree. That's why I didn't bring it up till DD brought it up because we knew (in general) what the other was talking about....but inside jokes on a public forum apparently cause 4 pages worth of confusion. Thanks for respecting my opinion, you are a gem on this site!

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

You need to protect yourself with condom(s) and birth control if you are sleeping with a man for the first time even if it is your husband.

Hmmm....I always felt this way until recently. BC yes, but a condom with my own husband? Now I've heard the horror stories about women and children getting HIV from daddy, even though mommy waited to she was married. It's devastating and my husband's gettin' tested for everything under the sun before we walk that walk, but even so....It's just pathetic where our world is that you have to say, "I'm dedicating my life to you, but I still think you might give me something."

*Only problem is, at my age, my longest relationship was for less than 4 months and it was back in high school. It seems waiting till I'm married is the reason that I can't find a guy to stay with me long enough to marry me.

Originally Posted by interestladiLTA

I have decided to wait until I am married to have sex. I have dated guys with very strong sex drives. One guy in particular tried to force me to have sex. Now that I have found someone I can see myself with forever I struggle with keeping my promise to myself and just being sexually frustrated or give into my desires and put my self at risks for a broken heart and/or or the other risks that come with sex...

I'm sooo sorry that happened to you, but I applaud you now. That's terrifying! It's not easy to keep this status (like just because you make a promise to yourself, it's easy to keep it). Welcome to the support group...what are you, #3 or #4? lol

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Hmmm....I always felt this way until recently. BC yes, but a condom with my own husband? Now I've heard the horror stories about women and children getting HIV from daddy, even though mommy waited to she was married. It's devastating and my husband's gettin' tested for everything under the sun before we walk that walk, but even so....It's just pathetic where our world is that you have to say, "I'm dedicating my life to you, but I still think you might give me something."

So, I posted the info on GC when someone sent it to me. But a few months ago an official at the CDC quoted as saying "even if you are married, an African American women who is married to an African American man should make him wear a condom".

It is located somewhere on CDC fact sheet.

I know that's pretty jacked up and quasi-racist, you just NEVER KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND!!! And soon it will be SPOUSE. That's going to accelerate the decline in "traditional marriage". Another topic for another day.

So, I don't know if you can have the sexual confidence and emotional stabilization without actual the premarital sex and potential humiliation associated with it. But I have seen many a hurt woman who entrusted her heart to asswipes. I only hope they used protection. Because it's not just HIV/AIDS, but HPV, Hepatitis and Herpes. As well as Syphillis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Any of these STI's potentiate the risk of HIV/AIDS. Most folks carry 1-2 other these infections before contracting HIV/AIDS.

Don't think of it as "I don't trust you". If you don't take him yourself to the hospital and see blood drawn and open the results when he gets it, then you will never know. It won't protect you from his potential philandering. But it will ease your mind.

The Tantra will teach you that you expand your Universe of your own expression, your "occupant" is required to make supplication and offering to eternal love as a product of his love and thoughts needed to truly sustain the true essence of the relationship.

Basically, if he says he loves you, he would show you and do it, without question...

And what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

So, make it an outing.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

*Only problem is, at my age, my longest relationship was for less than 4 months and it was back in high school. It seems waiting till I'm married is the reason that I can't find a guy to stay with me long enough to marry me.

So there is nothing wrong with waiting. It's just how long do you want to wait?

Sometimes, to find the best man for the job, you have to wait until your 30's or 40's.

I am a firm believer of pursuing your life goals. Get a career/job or goto grad/professional school. Then stabilize your financial situation before even dragging someone else into the mix.

I'd say, if you are going to be a physician or a neurosurgeon, you will be in school forever, save your eggs.

But, you have a world of experience.

Somewhere on GC we discussed that you ought not be defined by the marriage to a man... That truly does not define you. Yet, I am a party to attest to the fact that "when I get a man...." mythology. When I did get married, our honeymoon was over before we had one... So, it didn't make a difference for me.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

So there is nothing wrong with waiting. It's just how long do you want to wait?

Sometimes, to find the best man for the job, you have to wait until your 30's or 40's.

AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN!!!!!

Lol, but I'm still waiting till I'm married. I just want to wait to have sex till I'm married...I don't want my waiting to have sex be the reason I have to wait forever to get married. If that makes sense.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

I don't want my waiting to have sex be the reason I have to wait forever to get married. If that makes sense.

now finally i can agree with you.

while im still a virgin who isnt down with the whole "waiting for marriage" thing (dont wanna get married), i feel like if i ever DO get married, i'll still be a virgin and it'll just be coincidental that i remained so until then.

really, im just waiting on someone who a little less than mr. right, and way more than mr. right now... meaning he doesnt have to be my sunmoonandstars, but he just cant be some joe blow on the corner.

[Dionysus]

Originally Posted by tld221

really, im just waiting on someone who a little less than mr. right, and way more than mr. right now... meaning he doesnt have to be my sunmoonandstars, but he just cant be some joe blow on the corner.

or she...

Right on though.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

or she...

Right on though.

yeah i hear that!

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN!!!!!

Lol, but I'm still waiting till I'm married. I just want to wait to have sex till I'm married...I don't want my waiting to have sex be the reason I have to wait forever to get married. If that makes sense.

So we know that loss of virginity in women is politically and a whole bunch of other things is different than loss of virginity in a man...

I am willing to bet that you will be married in your mid-20's because some guy will figure out that if he wants you, he has to marry you.

The sad part is that he marries you, and he is unwilling to "share" his enjoyment and experience with you just so he can taste your "wine"... And then he leaves you because you may not be into the "learning curve" and don't want to play "catch up". Or, the first time, your lucky, your are pregnant and don't feel like having sex during your pregnancy... Then what does he do?

I mean, I don't need to know this information, but those are the kinds of things you have to consider in relationships.

Generally, a man in his mid-30's+ is into starting a family these days... There's research on that aspect.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

O.K. I have to ask you a question, and I'm not trying to be sarcastic in anyway, so don't take offense to it. Just answer the question. If you're this faithful one woman guy , why are you single? According to some of your past post you're single, unless you've gotten into a relationship since then. I'm asking because I can't see why you would be single if you're this one woman "cute" guy that you call yourself. I'm just really curious. How long would you have to know the girl before you're intimate with her?

To answer your question, I'm single because there are very little requirements for getting a decent woman, but a lot to keep her. Two of them I do not have and that's time and money. School is my 1st priority right now.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

I am willing to bet that you will be married in your mid-20's because some guy will figure out that if he wants you, he has to marry you.

The sad part is that he marries you, and he is unwilling to "share" his enjoyment and experience with you just so he can taste your "wine"... And then he leaves you because you may not be into the "learning curve" and don't want to play "catch up". Or, the first time, your lucky, your are pregnant and don't feel like having sex during your pregnancy... Then what does he do?

Wow....I had such a wonderful future and I became the sex-witholding single mother. Monet, what happened to me????? lol

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

School is my 1st priority right now.

After carefully examining every post you've made in my general presence over the last day or so, I have come to a decision. Congratulations. I WANT YOU.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

After carefully examining every post you've made in my general presence over the last day or so, I have come to a decision. Congratulations. I WANT YOU.

bwhahahaha - where's that "GC hookups" thread when you need it?