40 y.o. track coach marries his student :(

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by AGDLynn

Okay, let the betting start on how short this marriage will last.

Yup and start betting how fast she starts popping out kids

Originally Posted by James

Oh this isn't meant as disapproval but I thought it was funny:

HILARIOUS! I like that one

Originally Posted by Educatingblue

My husband said the same thing. I blame her parents for signing.

When I read the article the first thing that popped in my mind is they (the girls family) are probably very conservative, live in a sheltered community, and probably wanted her married if they knew she had sex.

She manipulated her parents because they allowed her to. What is this "I am not going to talk to you until you sign" bullshit? Their hands were forced? Puh-leeze

[UGAalum94]

I should amend my statement:

When both parties are clearly adults and at the same basic stage of life, the same number of years might not be a big age difference. A 30 year old dating a 45 year old, a sixty year old dating a 75 year old, whatev.

When we're talking about relationships that started back in the past when people often quit school to go to work before they'd be out of high school today, I don't think someone dating a 16 year old girls was quite as weird (also because everyone in town was likely to know the guy and know if he was a creep). People took on full adult responsibility earlier; sociological studies I think bear our the idea that people are taking longer to be independent today than we used to, which implies that younger people were actually more mature in the past.

That said, dating a teenager today when you are in your thirties or older is almost always weird and creepy. Something is likely wrong with you developmentally if you continue to date people who are teenagers long after you're not a teenagers yourself. You should be more mature and the fact that a teen would be so easily manipulated by you or is still interested in high school stuff should turn you off if you're normal.

For every case today where it might be true love under unusual circumstances, I'll show you 20 where there's something wrong with the older party (and maybe the younger as well).

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

I didn't get from the article that they were having sex when they were 14, just that they developed a friendship when she was 14. I don't see anything that weird about that.

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

Yep.

And if he knows her and has occasion to interact with her because of school, track, a club, youth group, whatever, than his agreement to work with her in a mentoring way should mean that he never "dates" her.

[Rudey]

Your statement is beyond ridiculous. A 30 year old and a 45 year old have nothing in common. They are at completely different stages in life. The same can be said of a 22 year old right out of college and a 26 year old. That's 4 years of real life adult living that separates them. I've been with young girls and old cougars, and the only reason has been sexual on my part. But girls pull off some BS argument about how they mature faster than men (not even an argument since most women can't back it up) and that older men are mature (yeah a 45 year old who hasn't been in a long term relationship is real mature). If you ask me the older guy wants fresh puss and the younger girl wants cash.

If there's something wrong with a 40 year old and a 14 year old, then there's something wrong with someone that magically crosses the 18 year old divide. Plus that divide is a legal one and in this case it's legal, so it shouldn't be a problem right?

-Rudey

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

I should amend my statement:

When both parties are clearly adults and at the same basic stage of life, the same number of years might not be a big age difference. A 30 year old dating a 45 year old, a sixty year old dating a 75 year old, whatev.

When we're talking about relationships that started back in the past when people often quit school to go to work before they'd be out of high school today, I don't think someone dating a 16 year old girls was quite as weird (also because everyone in town was likely to know the guy and know if he was a creep). People took on full adult responsibility earlier; sociological studies I think bear our the idea that people are taking longer to be independent today than we used to, which implies that younger people were actually more mature in the past.

That said, dating a teenager today when you are in your thirties or older is almost always weird and creepy. Something is likely wrong with you developmentally if you continue to date people who are teenagers long after you're not a teenagers yourself. You should be more mature and the fact that a teen would be so easily manipulated by you or is still interested in high school stuff should turn you off if you're normal.

For every case today where it might be true love under unusual circumstances, I'll show you 20 where there's something wrong with the older party (and maybe the younger as well).

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Rudey

Your statement is beyond ridiculous. A 30 year old and a 45 year old have nothing in common. They are at completely different stages in life. The same can be said of a 22 year old right out of college and a 26 year old. That's 4 years of real life adult living that separates them. I've been with young girls and old cougars, and the only reason has been sexual on my part. But girls pull off some BS argument about how they mature faster than men (not even an argument since most women can't back it up) and that older men are mature (yeah a 45 year old who hasn't been in a long term relationship is real mature). If you ask me the older guy wants fresh puss and the younger girl wants cash.

If there's something wrong with a 40 year old and a 14 year old, then there's something wrong with someone that magically crosses the 18 year old divide. Plus that divide is a legal one and in this case it's legal, so it shouldn't be a problem right?

-Rudey

What?

I understand that 30 to 45 is still pretty big depending on what people are doing in their lives at that point; you probably have a point there, but it's still not as weird as 15 to 30.

And 22 to 26 is doesn't seem that big a jump to me if they are both out of college.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

I'm just curious (not trying to be argumentative or anything), but why would a friendship be inappropriate? I had older male friends when I was that age, and I don't remember it being any kind of big deal. Maybe my memory is faulty, I don't know.

[UGAalum94]

I know I'm not the person you asked, but I'm throwing this out there anyway:

It's weird because most friendships we consider mutually beneficial; both parties get something out of the deal: entertainment, support, networking, whatever.

While you can easily see why an older person serving as a mentor or having a selfless interest in a younger person like a niece or neighbor is beneficial for the kid, when the older person starts to expect whatever usual benefits that we get from friendship in return, that makes the person weird.

A 45 year old man shouldn't turn to 14 year old girls for relationship advice or affirmation, it seems to me.

So if you had several older men who offered you advice and support and you think of them as friends, that's great, but I'd probably classify the relationship a little differently. If you actually hung out with 45 year old men, and they relied on you for companionship and whatever 45 year old guys talk about and do with their friends, it would seem a little weird.

ETA: it's odd that all I can come up with 45 year old guys doing for friendship involves golf or talking about landscaping or doing stuff with their wives. How sad is that?

[SWTXBelle]

Here's what always mystifies me. As a teacher at both the high school and college levels I can honestly say I never considered any of my students as anything but students. I became friends with some after I had taught them, and our relationship could be on more even ground. I certainly never thought of them sexually. Ew. I just can't understand how teachers - male or female - can't understand that even if you DO find yourself attracted to a student that is a line you do not cross.
How sad and pathetic a person must you be to, in your 40s, look to a teen for a romantic relationship. The poor girl hasn't had a chance to figure out who she is. How many people here would want to be 16 again? And, how many here would feel able to decide to marry at that age. Good Lord! I feel so sorry for her parents (although I still would never have given permission for them to marry). Has the coach been married before, I wonder?

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

I know I'm not the person you asked, but I'm throwing this out there anyway:

It's weird because most friendships we consider mutually beneficial; both parties get something out of the deal: entertainment, support, networking, whatever.

While you can easily see why an older person serving as a mentor or having a selfless interest in a younger person like a niece or neighbor is beneficial for the kid, when the older person starts to expect whatever usual benefits that we get from friendship in return, that makes the person weird.

A 45 year old man shouldn't turn to 14 year old girls for relationship advice or affirmation, it seems to me.

So if you had several older men who offered you advice and support and you think of them as friends, that's great, but I'd probably classify the relationship a little differently. If you actually hung out with 45 year old men, and they relied on you for companionship and whatever 45 year old guys talk about and do with their friends, it would seem a little weird.

ETA: it's odd that all I can come up with 45 year old guys doing for friendship involves golf or talking about landscaping or doing stuff with their wives. How sad is that?

Yep, well said. Friendships are supposed to be equal.

The 14 year old might think it's cool to hang out with older people, but I think it's odd that a 40 year old would find it enjoyable to hang out with 14 year olds...what does a 14 year old have to offer a 40 year old? I'd have to believe that it was sexual, honestly. I guess I just wouldn't trust any 40 year old that wants to hang out with 14 year olds. Especially alone.

[James]

I wasn't precisely an average person by any means, but I had older members of both sexes as friends to one degree or another at that age. They invited me over for dinners or to just talk.

No one made a pass at me that I noticed, and I was much more comfortable talking about adult issues than some run of the mill kids stuff.

I had no trouble speaking fluently and comfortably with someone regardless of their age. In fact a lot of my friends were always significantly older than I was, often by decades.

This girl seems like she was a bit of a prodigy in running, which would have created a certain fascinating element to her. Maybe she was extremely bright also.

I don't know, I was never a "kid" in the way that a lot of you seemed to have experienced being, or else believe that people below the age of 18 are.

I can also say that I know people that are 18 that are interesting and well rounded and I know 40 and 50 year olds that are utterly uninteresting and have not much substance. It really depends.

I think a lot of you may be overly swayed by generalizations as well as shoulds and woulds.

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

Yep, well said. Friendships are supposed to be equal.

The 14 year old might think it's cool to hang out with older people, but I think it's odd that a 40 year old would find it enjoyable to hang out with 14 year olds...what does a 14 year old have to offer a 40 year old? I'd have to believe that it was sexual, honestly. I guess I just wouldn't trust any 40 year old that wants to hang out with 14 year olds. Especially alone.

[SWTXBelle]

James - the difference would seem to be that you had MANY friends, whom your parents probably knew, and apparently it never crossed the line from friendship into romance. That's good. Intellectual maturity is not the same thing as emotional or sexual maturity. No one would have a problem with a 40 year old coach mentoring a star athelete - but marrying her is a different ball of wax. I'm not much on 14 - 16 year olds getting married, even to each other. Can it work? Yes. Is it likely? No.
A normal 40 year old man should not be looking to young girls for romantic relationships. Hey, at least let them get out of high school!

[naraht]

While the law may have counted sexual contact when the first started being interested as "Pedophilia", Psychiatrists generally don't. There is a large body of work that separates true pedophilia from what is called Ephebophilia. Peophilia is pre-teen/pre-puberty and Ephebophilia being teens and post-puberty. In fact, among many people diagnosed with Pedophilia, there is a significant drop in interest in subjects once they have reached puberty.

There are three things for them that affect whether it is legal in North Carolina for them to have intercourse:
A) Is he still her coach?
B) Has she reached 16?
C) Are they married?

If C is true, they are fine
If C is false, then there are punishments for both A being true (sex between an student and an educator at the school and/or B being true (sex between someone 13,14 or 15 and someone 6 or more years older (actually a slightly lower punishment if the person is 4 or 5 years older doesn't apply here)

Randy

[DaemonSeid]

I'm sorry...maybe I missed it...


How did the parents figure that they didn't have a choice?

Were they extorted or blackmailed?

Did he threaten them?



What did I miss?

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

How did the parents figure that they didn't have a choice?

Were they extorted or blackmailed?

Did he threaten them?

Worse. She was giving them the silent treatment....so they didn't have a choice.