Quote:
Originally Posted by tld221
Re: marriage. I grew up not wanting to be married. Didn't dream about it or anything. Couldn't ever imagine me and a +1. As an adult, it still is difficult. There are a lot of blanks, but I have realized that while ideally I would want a husband, a wife wouldn't be out of the question. I guess I'd want a life partner who also wants one.
Re: kids. Same as marriage. I have a lot of negative views of parenting (some that I need to work through, others that I'm comfortable in holding regardless of societal pressure) and I definitely identify with being a childless adult. I get nervous when I actually feel positive about having children and being a mother because I don't know if it's a genuine feeling or because I'm inundated with with boatloads of FB feeds of babies doing cutesy baby things. To date, I've only dreamt of being happy about having a man's baby once (we never dated, were never a thing, just really admired him). The role of parent never seemed joyous to me, and while most worry about regretting NOT having children... I think I'd regret having them.
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All this to say... in my heart of hearts, if I ended up a childless, single woman, I could be OK with that. As long as I managed to eek out a decent dating life and didnt struggle financially. I get my fill of children through friend's kids and I love a quiet home! But part of me just wants to give in to societal pressure and just be excited and overwhelmed with desire to birth children and search for Mr. Right with everyone else, because few people can be OK with a woman who doesn't want to put her ovaries to use or change her name for someone else without an eyeroll or disparaging attack to her femininity, sexuality or purpose.
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Ditto for me to all of this (except for the part about potentially having a wife instead of a husband).
I'm currently in a relationship that I'm VERY happy with, and we've both mentioned marriage, but not in any kind of a serious way. We usually just blurt out things like: "If we ever get married, we should totally have a waffle bar and cookie table at our wedding!" while watching a commercial for IHOP. Neither one of us is in any kind of a rush. And even though I could see us tying the knot one day, the idea still kind of freaks me out.
As for kids, what you've said above is exactly how I feel about the whole thing. For those Grey's Anatomy fans out there, it's like Christina said once: "I'd rather decide now to not have a baby and maybe regret it later, than reluctantly have a baby now and resent him/her." People always try to tell me, "Oh, you'll change your mind." Some days I think I will, but it'll only be because some cute kid at the grocery store smiled and waved at me; not because I suddenly have this urge to carry a child and love, nurture and care for it for the rest of my life.
People just need to realize that not everyone is the same, and not everyone desires to have the house with the white picket fence, a spouse, and 2.5 children.
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