Domestic Violence

[IrishLake]

I debated creating a different user name for this topic. I debated not posting anything at all. And the only reason I'm posting anything is because of what cheergreek said, that for her, it would only be once. I debated it because I don't want to bring shame on my GLO. But, that's not me, Theta doesn't define me, and I do not define her. So here it is:

For my husband and I, it was one time and it saved our marriage.

We were separated, on the verge of divorcing. Why is irrelevant. He came to the house one night when my children were young, my son just a baby. He picked a fight (as he often did around that time), because I confronted him about something. We shouted at each other, screamed, and I tried to just sit and shut up. I called a family member to come over, who was a good mediator. But when someone is in your face, saying awful horrible things, it was very hard for me to toe the line. When he found out I had called my family, he said he was leaving and taking our (then sleeping) daughter with him. Now ya'll know never to get between a moma bear and her cubs, right? I said over my dead body, and he went to push past me and I snapped, and closed fist hit him across the face. A right cross to his left cheek and eye. He ranted and raved more, and I fully expected him to hit me back, but he didn't.

Of course, when the cop pulled into the driveway, I was thoroughly confused, because neither of us had called the police, even though he screamed that he was going to. My well intentioned family member did, not knowing what had happened. I was arrested, because his shiner was obvious, and I spent the night in the county jail, and had a hearing first thing the next morning. I later plead to a lesser charge of disorderly conduct, paid a fine and had a year of unmonitored probation.

Now, of course, we don't condone violence. But that punch was one of the best things to ever happen to our marriage. I honestly don't think that we'd be married to this day had those events not happened. My husband refused to press charges, because he knew he deserved it, and more. It broke his heart to see me standing in a court room like that. The blame lie with both of us. Not long after that, we stopped hating each other and just focused on our kids. A few months after that, we became friends again. A few months after that, we both found our hearts finding their way back. Looking back now, we can chuckle about it.

Never since have I physically harmed him, or vice versa. Never since has he picked a fight to intentionally make me snap, never since has he been verbally abusive. We are better spouses for it, and are healthy and happily married. It took us a long and roundabout way to get here, but we're finally here, and living proof that one domestic experience is not the be all end all. It was not our finest moment, but everything happens for a reason.