Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl
I have a sneaking suspicion that if that time comes to pass you will make very clear to loved ones or anyone else who may be inviting you to weddings that they ain't getting a cake plate if your invite says Mrs Droleshubby. 
When the person expresses a preference, that ALWAYS trumps the "rules" of etiquette. I think it's more or less always been that way. But if you don't know the person that well, the rules are there to fall back on. |
Oh indeed I would be, whether it was Droleshubby or Droleswife*, but it's fine to have 'default' rules. It's just less fine when those rules are sexist and heterosexist. There's no really good reason to refer to a woman married to a man by
his first name whether he's alive or dead other than 'it's always been done that way.' (And of course the root of it is, well, yeah.)
Too much of how manners and etiquette are used are about distinguishing the people who know the right thing to do from those who don't. It's a class issue (as noted from a certain "redneck" wedding described above.) That's not all manners, or etiquette, are but that is how they are used by people. If it's just an excuse to look down one's nose, then we're doing it wrong.
*Random aside: I also have a strict rule that if I die in a car accident or by something stupid that was my fault, my friends and family are forbidden from a) making my death the spur for some cause to ban whatever stupid shit I was doing and b) putting up a roadside memorial. Because I think those things are dumb.
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