Inviting a +1 to a wedding

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I have a sneaking suspicion that if that time comes to pass you will make very clear to loved ones or anyone else who may be inviting you to weddings that they ain't getting a cake plate if your invite says Mrs Droleshubby.

When the person expresses a preference, that ALWAYS trumps the "rules" of etiquette. I think it's more or less always been that way. But if you don't know the person that well, the rules are there to fall back on.

Oh indeed I would be, whether it was Droleshubby or Droleswife*, but it's fine to have 'default' rules. It's just less fine when those rules are sexist and heterosexist. There's no really good reason to refer to a woman married to a man by his first name whether he's alive or dead other than 'it's always been done that way.' (And of course the root of it is, well, yeah.)

Too much of how manners and etiquette are used are about distinguishing the people who know the right thing to do from those who don't. It's a class issue (as noted from a certain "redneck" wedding described above.) That's not all manners, or etiquette, are but that is how they are used by people. If it's just an excuse to look down one's nose, then we're doing it wrong.

*Random aside: I also have a strict rule that if I die in a car accident or by something stupid that was my fault, my friends and family are forbidden from a) making my death the spur for some cause to ban whatever stupid shit I was doing and b) putting up a roadside memorial. Because I think those things are dumb.

[honeychile]

As much as I believe in etiquette, my mother's saying of
"Politeness is to do and say
The kindest thing in the kindest way."

So, once you've made your calling name clear, it would be more proper to call you by which you wish to be called.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by honeychile

As much as I believe in etiquette, my mother's saying of
"Politeness is to do and say
The kindest thing in the kindest way."

So, once you've made your calling name clear, it would be more proper to call you by which you wish to be called.

Which I agree with. It's the defaults I have an issue with.

(And of course the "GASP you wore THAT to a WEDDING! The horror! It's like white after Labor day and using the dessert fork for your fish!")

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

putting up a roadside memorial. Because I think those things are dumb.

Totally and completely agree!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by AGDee

THANK YOU! I don't get it either. It's one thing to have a destination wedding for immediate family only. Once you're inviting all kinds of people, it makes no sense to me. Do you really want me to spend $1000 to go to some destination for your wedding? It isn't going to happen and it feels selfish (on their part) when I get those invites.

I am the type of person who would be ALL about a destination wedding (that is, if I don't elope in Vegas, or something). If that were to happen one day, though, I might invite a handful of people who aren't family, but I wouldn't expect them to come. How'd I'd convey that to them, I'm not really sure. I might also think about paying a portion of the bridal party's way, considering I'd be saving so much money by not having a huge ceremony and 200+ guests back home.

Originally Posted by Drolefille

*Random aside: I also have a strict rule that if I die in a car accident or by something stupid that was my fault, my friends and family are forbidden from a) making my death the spur for some cause to ban whatever stupid shit I was doing and b) putting up a roadside memorial. Because I think those things are dumb.

Thank you!

[ASTalumna06]

I'm double-posting, but I think it's absolutely perfect that this thread showed up today..

I received a wedding invitation from a sister today. I've known that this was coming, and I've been debating about what to do, but I figure now that I have the invitation in hand and know what exactly is on the front of the envelope, that I'd ask all of you...

The invitation says "ASTalumna06 and Guest"... would it be completely inappropriate for me to bring a friend? I've never brought a friend to a wedding, and I see it done on tv all the time but I'm not sure if it's actually ok to do so. I feel that if someone is going to make room at their wedding and feed an extra guest, it is supposed to be someone that I'm in a relationship with... but maybe I'm crazy? All of the other sisters who are going are married, or they're very close to it. I went to another sister's wedding a couple months ago, and during all of the slow dances, I sat out. It was ok.. it's not like I was crying in the corner or anything.. but it'd just be nice to have someone else there. And it's a fraternity alumnus, who basically all of the sisters, including the bride, have at least been acqainted with for years.

So.. do I bring him?

[agzg]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

So.. do I bring him?

Yes. Just make sure you write his FIRST AND LAST NAME on the response card.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by agzg

Yes. Just make sure you write his FIRST AND LAST NAME on the response card.

After reading this thread, that's the first thing I thought of when I saw the RSVP card

Something I noticed about those, though.. I don't think I've ever seen one with more than 1 line. Usually they read:

M___________

# attending ____
Meal ____

.. Or something like that.

There's really only room for one name on those cards, unless you create another line of your own, or squish everything onto the one line provided. I can see how people bringing a guest might forget to specify who they're bringing.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

After reading this thread, that's the first thing I thought of when I saw the RSVP card

Something I noticed about those, though.. I don't think I've ever seen one with more than 1 line. Usually they read:

M___________

# attending ____
Meal ____

.. Or something like that.

There's really only room for one name on those cards, unless you create another line of your own, or squish everything onto the one line provided. I can see how people bringing a guest might forget to specify who they're bringing.

Write it in the white space!

[TonyB06]

I'm amazed at some of the thread responses.

If an invite is for "Mr./Mrs.," or "X and guest," then that's two people --not the uninvited kids/friends of the two invited. I mean, the couple, or whoever is funding the wedding, has to pay for each plate/meal at the reception, so it's bad form, IMO, among a number of reasons, to show up w/ crew in tow if the invite was only for two.

It would be unfortunate, but I'd have no problem turning away extra, uninvited people -- because, in reality, they'd be taking up the places of other invited guests.