What defines a helicopter parent?

[Srmom1]

But when it turns into a public spewfest about why Patty Precious got dropped and how meanie everybody has to be to do that to her poor self and some of those girls were not as cute as my little wonder pup and she's SO devastated I need to get answers for her so I'm calling the school because HOW DARE THEY!!! ... I mean, really. What do they expect when they come here expecting people to CONDONE that kind of behaviour from a grown adult?

Like I said, there were a few parents last year who went over the bounds of - shall I say - decorum, in terms of their reactions to their kiddos rushes. But, it hasn't denegrated to that at this point yet this year, so no broad strokes of generalization. Not all folks of the parental sort are a bad sort.

I enjoy the recruitment stories. I would hate to see them disappear because of fear of posting.

[AlwaysSAI]

Didn't we have this discussion or one very similar to it last summer? I shall attempt to find the thread.

ETA: Found it!

[pbear19]

I'm not sure I've heard anyone say they want to get rid of all parents on GC. Sure, some people have less tolerance for parents sharing their kid's stories than others, but such is message board life. I have little tolerance for a lot of stuff. I'm sure there are people who have little tolerance for my relatively dispassionate posts. I sincerely doubt everyone will ever come to a consensus, but what I'm reading above is that the majority of posters who have replied have little problem with parents who are merely talking about their kids, but not trying to control their kids. Seems like the effort to control and smother are the more defining characteristics. And yes, people on GC have a real distaste for parents venting here. For good or ill, coming on this site and complaining about your kid's rush results is a recipe for disaster.

Would I be absolutely mortified if my parents were talking about my personal life on a message board? Yes. Do I cringe every time I see a parent doing such? A little. But, if their kids know they are sharing online and don't have a problem with it, then neither do it. I don't think it's right for a parent to be dishing about their kids when the kids are unaware of it, but that doesn't mean my opinion should dictate others' actions.

If we all left the site when someone didn't care for us, or if being disliked was a bannable offense, this would be a pretty dead board.

[SWTXBelle]

I believe the GC is very supportive of both pnms and their parents for the most part. It may well be that a few rotten apples have spoiled the whole bunch for some; however, it seems to me that we are very supportive of those going through the process but 1.) obviously when GLOs and their members are insulted by these same posters they react negatively and 2.) there is a belief that recruitment should be driven by the pnm, not the parent.
I think you can see some great examples of support of parents in many current threads. I know that I really enjoy it when I feel I can offer some information or advice that might really help a pnm. I am overjoyed to hear of a successful recruitment.
As I said in my original post, it's a tough row to hoe. I am always having to step back and ask myself if an action I am contemplating doing would be better done by my daughter. I think that it may be that heliparents aren't that introspective - they never question whether it would be better for their child to do it his/herself.
I saw many examples of heliparents while teaching at a private high school, although there the goal was to get into a competitive, high status college. One reason I home schooled my daughter after 5 years in this atmosphere (at which she excelled, btw) was because I did not want her to become a sullen grade-grubber, looking on learning as a means to an end instead of something of value just in and of itself. I would dearly love for her to join a sorority - but it's her life. It kills me sometimes to bite my tongue, but bite it I do.
It's very painful to see your child in pain at any age. I remember standing outside the ER door as my eldest had a spinal tap at the age of 6 months - and last year questioning what I had been thinking in allowing her to have her jaw surgery as they pushed her out of the or, hooked up to a morphine drip, swollen and unable to speak. But, you do what you have to do. When she ( or her sister, or brothers) is sad, or upset, I would give anything to keep that pain away from her, but I know she has to learn to deal with the negative emotions as well as the positive.
This summer my 18 year old went with her best friend to Oklahoma, a rock festival in Oklahoma. I didn't call her once, although she was kind enough to let me know when they arrived, and check in periodically. I had to slap my hand from making that call! But I've had 18 years to help her prepare for her life - so next Thursday it's off to college. I'll get her stuff in the dorm room, make the 3 hour trip home, and probably cry. A lot. And when I get a call from her about some boy who broke her heart, or a professor who seems to be picking on her, I will resist the urge to say "Where does he live? Can I kill him for you?" I'm not saying the thought won't cross my mind, but I know not to articulate it or act on it.
I really do sympathize with parents who are struggling to let go - but it's important that they do it.