For the ladies.. "Why aren't you married?"

[rhoyaltempest]

Originally Posted by tld221

I'm single.
I'm young.
I have no kids.
I have no desire to get married.

I dont want to take this thread too off-topic, but i never grew up with a desire to be married. My parents were married, and it wasnt exactly something to look forward to. And then they divorced, and that DEFINITELY wasn't something to look forward to. Of course there are very positive marriages that DO last til death do them part, but i dont know anyone who can testify.

and another thing, to be honest, i'm really bitter as a woman when it comes to marriage. I know infidelity is a two-way street, but if you vow to be this man's everything, through thick and thin and all of that... you give your whole LIFE and self to this one person - kids and all - and in return you get the shaft?

He gets to leave, start all over. I'm left to raise the kids and restore a life and home for them and myself, and still move on? Why would i set myself up for that?

So on the off-chance that i am asked "Why aren't you married?" my response is typically "I don't want to get married." Which opens a whole can of worms that i almost never feel like defending, because its always met with "oh, well you havent met the right one..."

well doesn't EVERYONE who gets married think they met the "right one," and then 52% of them realize they dont? i actually believe that 52% of people who divorce are the ones who have the courage to go through with the divorce legally. how many couples out there are legally married but aint ever been a couple, or stopped being one? or are separated? or have an arrangement?

as you can tell, i'm a cynic. but im also young, so maybe i have a few years of learning.

I know it's hard to think out of the box when you've seen the same things over and over in marriages but remember that your relationship can be whatever you want it to be. I think the thing that can set some couples up for divorce is that they do the same things that they saw others do. Sometimes it's not necessary or good to repeat the habits of other couples. One thing I've learned in my marriage is that you don't have to follow anyone's example of what a marriage should be and what the rules and roles are. Do what's best for you and your spouse; do what you want to do and how you want to do it. Handle your finances differently if you want. Brake those traditional roles if you want and do what works best for your unique relationship. Who says that there is only one example of how to have a good marriage? Maybe the popular or traditional example is not the best example and never was. We have to remember that the old/traditional model of an independent male and dependent female no longer works in most cases and probably never should have so we have to create new models. This is the challenge for young couples today.