What would raise a yellow, or red flag on a 1st date for you?

[AchtungBaby80]

I agree with pretty much everything you said, aephi alum. Guess that means I'm picky, too! The only thing I would add to that list is if a gentleman alludes to the fact that he spends an inordinate amount of time with his mom, or bases all his opinions on what his mom thinks, etc. I love a man who respects his mother, but I've also had a good relationship damaged because of one loving mama who just couldn't bear to see any girl "steal" her precious son and it wasn't pleasant.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

It's been a long time since I've been on the dating scene.

But I'd say that my red flags would include:

- bragging about sexual exploits
- talking incessantly about ex's
- getting too drunk (drinking responsibly on a first date is ok, getting falling-down-drunk is not)
- smoking (social smoking is ok, but regular daily smoking is not)
- admitting to current, regular use of illegal drugs (get off the drugs first, then we'll talk)
- strong fundamentalist religious views (e.g. a woman's place is in the home, watch your skirt - you're showing too much ankle, etc.)
- dresses in a very sloppy manner (e.g. torn or stained clothes) or in a manner inappropriate to the venue (e.g. jeans or sneakers at a very nice restaurant)

Yellow flags:

- late without a good reason (this is the first date - even if you're so chronically late that you'd be late to your own funeral, you should at least try to pick me up / meet me on time!)
- not tipping, or lowballing the tip, unless the service was actually bad (I used to date a guy who would never tip waitstaff or cab drivers... )
- can't hold a conversation / gives one-word answers to open-ended questions
- dictates where we are going on the date. Asking me what type of food I like, asking me if I have a restaurant to suggest, suggesting a type of cuisine or a specific restaurant and asking me if I'd like that - all are good. But "I know this great place where they serve only liver and brussels sprouts, and that's where we're going!" is not ok.

Okay, so I'm picky.

Nah, I pretty much agree with everything you said AEPhialum. Regular use of drugs is a no-no. I can deal with occasional use, but not, 'I get baked every night, I can't survive without it.'
I couldn't deal with cosplay, anime or anything like that. However-I have friends who game (like Vampire, D&D). I don't do it, won't do it, do not see the appeal, but they're my friends and I love them. My SO used to game (doesn't anymore) and still has all the books etc. I do make fun of him for it occasionally, but he's not an anti-social, pasty white nerd so I just let it slide.

I'm also like Dolphinchica- make fun of my big bag o' drugs and you're gone. Once is cool, a couple of times, sure, but a consistent thing? Look, I need them to stay alive.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

I so agree with you PrettyBoy about family. What's the point of picking a decent guy/girl if they have a really really fucked up family? Unless they aren't close to their family at all, it's very easy for their family's drama to spill over into your relationship. I've witnessed this way too many times, and have even experienced it once. I once dropped a guy I really liked only after dating two or three weeks, because I couldn't handle the drama from his thug assed brother. I WILL NOT put up with having to pool money to bail someone out of jail, having my things stolen, letting family members live and freeload of us, fearing our personal safety if a family member is violent, and so on.

That's it! You hit the nail on the head. Once I find out her family is the least bit opposite of mine, I mean, it can just be one thing. ...There will not be a 2nd date. We can be friends and that's it. Nothing else. I've told women this too. I let them know up front after they started showing me that they want more. I just told them our backgrounds are too different. So far I have a friend I like a lot, she's really nice, and our backgrounds are very similar. Everything seems cool so far .

[1908Revelations]

The last time I went out with a guy, I didn't really like the guy, but I decided to go. Well his breath was kung-fu fighting and he was staring at me the whole time during the movie! I thought what was too weird. He wouldn't look away, so I thought I had food in my teeth. He wanted to hold my hand and he was being waaaayyyy to clingy....this was the first and last time we went out.....I refuse to call it a date

[ΑΓΔSquirrel10]

I went out to lunch with this guy I met at college at the beginning of my freshmen year. We had talked before, and I thought he was very a cool guy, I really enjoyed talking to him, so I agreed to meet him for lunch one day. Well, I have NO IDEA what happened to him, but several factors turned me off. The boy was SO NERVOUS that he ate 2 bites of his food before throwing it away. It's ok to be nervous, but he showed no signs of loosening up around me. That didn't bother me as much as his obsession with internet cartoons!!!!! He kept going on and on about them, and then he started QUOTING THEM.....IN CARTOON VOICES!!!!!! People at tables around us were kinda looking over at us with "wtf" looks on their faces. Ugh...soooo embarrassing!!!

[christiangirl]

Someone who starts to name our children and telling how wonderful marriage is going to be and how he can't wait. FREAKING HUGE RED FLAG. Unfortunately, that's a true story right there. Needless to say, little Josiah and Paija were never born because mommy thought daddy was an obsessive loser and refused to go on second date.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by ΑΓΔSquirrel10

That didn't bother me as much as his obsession with internet cartoons!!!!! He kept going on and on about them, and then he started QUOTING THEM.....IN CARTOON VOICES!!!

You went out with jon1856???


Just kidding jon.

[PrettyBoy]

Not too long ago my best friend set me up on a blind date that I didn't want to go on, but he talked me into it. She and I talked on the phone for a few hours, a week before our date. She wanted to go see a movie (bad place on a 1st date), so we met at the theater. This girl was so short it was insane. She was o.k. looking, very insecure, but extremely short. I was so mad at myself for letting my buddy talk me into going out with her. I'm 5'8' so I'm no giant, but I can't go out with a woman barely 5 feet.

[ZTAMich]

A red flag for me once was heavy smoking. The guy kept excusing himself to go outside & smoke. What really pissed me off wasn't the smoking but that he went out more than 2 times to smoke. I understand it's an addiction but have some manners!

[ZTAngel]

Personal attacks will not be tolerated. I don't care if her info is posted on the internet or elsewhere on GC. It won't be posted in my forum.

[Dionysus]

RE: Family, we just have to agree to disagree. If someone has a lot of family drama, there is something they can do about it, cut off or at least reduce contact with them. While I have not come from a super dysfunctional family myself, I wouldn't say that I came from a "Leave it to Beaver" one either, I don't think I'm really judging anyone. I had to reduce contact from a certain grandparent, because this person's drama was definately impacting my life. This is the main reason why someone's family background is so important to me, I don't want to go through drama again. If someone is closer enough to their drama-filled family, I don't see how it can NOT spill over into your relationship and your life.

Yellow Flags
*Has many ex-friends, and can walk away from any friendship without being sad.
*Strongly democrat

Red Flags
*Strongly republican, fortunately those kind of guys usually aren't attracted to me, but you'll never know...
*Appears to be boring AND doesn't want to do crap about it. Never left the state and has no desire to. Only likes one genre of music. Has no style. Whatever people, piercings and tattoos can be sexy, if they don't go overboard. I like goatees, I don't know a boring guy that has one. Does not want to go east of highway 270. Prefers a night in to a night out. Chooses to eat at Applebee's for our first date, LOL.
*Has no sense of humor. Easily offended. I'll ask them what's their favorite movies and comedians to find out their sense of humor. Everyone here on GC knows what my sense of humor is like, if someone doesn't like it, they can bounce!
*IS A WALKING STEREOTYPE OF THEIR RACE! No nerdy Asian guys. No angry black men. No whitebread white men.

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

Personal attacks will not be tolerated. I don't care if her info is posted on the internet or elsewhere on GC. It won't be posted in my forum.

Then they shall be posted elsewhere!

[KSUViolet06]

Red flags:

*Gets my number at the end of the date and has called me 5 times before I get home.

[Scandia]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Red flags:

*Gets my number at the end of the date and has called me 5 times before I get home.

Too much interest too soon is the number one sign of an abuser. If I only knew then what I know now. Forcing your number out of you and then calling the next day knowing things about you that are rather obscure is NOT a sign that it is meant to be/he is psychic/God sent him to help you/any other good thing.

[christiangirl]

If he used "n$gger" at any point to anyone even as a joke...yellow flag. I generally don't like to hear people use it, no matter what race. If he used it directed at me: red flag. If he was a non-minority and used it at me: I wouldn't even say good bye as I headed out the door.