Quote:
Originally Posted by sigmadiva
Yes, it is the rapists fault, for sure. But if I don't have to put myself in a situation that leaves me vulnerable, then I should just not involve myself in that situation *in the first place.*
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I've read carefully, which is how I've expertly diagnosed your exceptional cognitive dissonance. (NOTE: I don't diagnose things, and I'm not an expert)
Here's the thing - you're essentially saying "it's the rapist's fault, but she didn't have to be there in the first place." This is the same as saying "she did something wrong" because, after all, she chose a bad situation over a good one - which is blaming the victim. It can't be both - it can't be wholly one person's fault, but the other person contributed. So we simply cannot, cannot hedge and say "it's the rapist's fault, BUT..." in any way. We can argue about the dude who didn't buy insurance and his house burned down, but here, there's another element involved: human choice. The guy made a choice and that eliminates ANY issues from the woman's side - even "putting herself at risk."
I know you really don't want to blame the victim - I honestly think you don't feel you are blaming the victim, and instead think it's a matter of a horrible man and a woman who made questionable or unfortunate decisions. But there isn't more than 100% blame here, and it can't be both.
Similarly, saying "I wouldn't have done ______" is usually the essence of cognitive dissonance, and (to come full circle) is Page 1 of the "how to get women to let a guy off for rape" defense attorney's handbook (which was my original point). It's all good - it's a strong natural force, and we all do it.
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