Discouraging Someone From Rushing

RedRover · #1 03-09-2008, 06:58 PM

A young woman I know is in a situation and would like some advice ...

Her fiance's brother will graduate high school this year. The young man has been accepted to a number of colleges and is still waiting to hear from some others.

Some the colleges to which he has been accepted have strong Greek communities. He has indicated that that he is most interested in joining a fraternity.

The problem, my friend say, is that her future brother-in-law isn't likely to get a bid from a fraternity, even the lowest ranked organization in the pecking order. I should add that my friend went to university with a strong Greek system, was a member in and officer of a sorority and pretty much dated only fraternity men while in college (her fiance went to a college that didn't have fraternities or sororities).

She says her fiance's brother has an effeminate voice and mannerism, is unathletic to the point of being a total klutz, and is painfully shy. She said he is the type of guy you would fix up your roommate with for the April Fools Day dance. She added that he is very intelligent, hard working and has a dry sense of humor.

She says she knows that there is no way that the young man will get a bid, she said she known too many fraternity members to think otherwise.

Short of playing Henry Higgins to his Eliza Doolittle, she wants to discourage him from rushing and getting hurt. Best case scenario: she hopes that he will attend one of the colleges that do not have a Greek system. Worst case scenario: that the young man is in for a bitter disappointment.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanx

fantASTic · #2 03-09-2008, 08:05 PM

RedRover: while that is understandable, she must recognize that:

a). She DOES NOT KNOW that he will not receive a bid,

b). She is NOT responsible for his actions,

and

c). By telling him that he has no chance, she would be basically telling him that she thinks he is worthless. Her time is better spent in condolences IF he does not receive a bid. I would never tell my sister, sister-in-law, brother, brother-in-law, etc that they have no chance of getting a bid. That is not my decision nor is it kind.

Thetagirl218 · #3 03-09-2008, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fantASTic

RedRover: while that is understandable, she must recognize that:

a). She DOES NOT KNOW that he will not receive a bid,

b). She is NOT responsible for his actions,

and

c). By telling him that he has no chance, she would be basically telling him that she thinks he is worthless. Her time is better spent in condolences IF he does not receive a bid. I would never tell my sister, sister-in-law, brother, brother-in-law, etc that they have no chance of getting a bid. That is not my decision nor is it kind.

fanASTic! You stole my answer!! Shame on you!

Anyways, I totally agree, by telling someone they have no chance of getting a bid you (or your friend) are telling that person that they are worth less in your eyes and can't live up to your standards!

I have seen people I know that I thought had no chance at ever joining a GLO, rush, successfully receive a bid, and become better people because of it!

KSUViolet06 · #4 03-09-2008, 11:40 PM

He may or may not get a bid, but I fail to see what the harm is in rushing. At the least, he'll come away having met some new people. Why discourage that?

texas*princess · #5 03-09-2008, 11:48 PM

i'm with everyone else on this.

i know plenty of guys who were "geeky" in high school that went on to be successful in college and in good chapters.

It is not her business to intrude like that and try to deter him from rushing b/c she doesn't think he will get a bid. That is up for the fraternities to decide. For all we know, he may find the right group of guys who teach him how to dress and how to shed his "geekiness" without losing himself. During the process, he may decide the whole greek thing is not for him.... who knows.

That is not up to her to decide even if she is trying to spare his feelings.

ladygreek · #6 03-09-2008, 11:42 PM

Your friend is going to be an obnoxious sister-in-law.

Xidelt · #7 03-10-2008, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladygreek

Your friend is going to be an obnoxious sister-in-law.

This girl already is obnoxious.

She was an officer in a sorority on a campus where greek life is big. Wow. Good for her. Here's her cookie.

I was rush chair in a local. Am I even worthy to be commenting on this?

PS Please tell her I said to get over herself.

RedRover · #8 03-10-2008, 12:20 AM

The young lady in question is a very compassionate woman who has devoted much time and energy to various good causes, working with people in various states of distress.

I truly believe that she has her future brother-in-law's best interest at heart.

One need only read some of the postings about first year college students (usually women) who are "released" from rush to know how painful and traumatic experience can be for some.

I sincerely believe that she wants to spare the young man any pain that might arise.

MysticCat · #9 03-10-2008, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedRover

A young woman I know is in a situation and would like some advice . . . .

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedRover

. . . I truly believe that she has her future brother-in-law's best interest at heart. . . .
I sincerely believe that she wants to spare the young man any pain that might arise.

I agree with everyone else. If she really wants advice and she sincerely cares about her future brother-in-law and wants to spare him whatever pain she can, then she should either (1) give him the benefit of her experience by giving him whatever encouragement and helpful advice she can, or (2) keep her mouth shut.

She can't save him from the pain of how others might react to or judge him, nor would it really be in his best interests for her to try. But she can save him from the pain of knowing how she judges him. Being rejected by strangers wouldn't be nearly as painful as knowing that his brother's new wife thinks "he is the type of guy you would fix up your roommate with for the April Fools Day dance."

AlwaysSAI · #10 03-09-2008, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedRover

She says her fiance's brother has an effeminate voice and mannerism, is unathletic to the point of being a total klutz,

I know a guy just like the one described above who recently got a bid to Lambda Chi Alpha on my campus.

Effeminate to the point that it's annoying and all he does is gripe and complain.

No one knows whether or not this young man will get a bid. There's no point in telling him he won't before he even knows what school he's going to. And, as it was stated above, the fiance knows greek life on her campus--and only her campus.

I'd leave well enough alone.

Senusret I · #11 03-10-2008, 08:44 AM

Also..... guys and girls are different.

Maybe I'm veering into another lane here, but aren't bidless girls more common than bidless men?

texas*princess · #12 03-10-2008, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Also..... guys and girls are different.

Maybe I'm veering into another lane here, but aren't bidless girls more common than bidless men?

I think you could probably be right (though I don't have any data to back that up, it's just a guess) because NPC sororities use "quotas" and "totals" and NIC does not.

If they have a pool of 50 pnms, and the chapter likes them all, guess what? They can bid all 50 if they wanted to and it wouldn't matter if their chapter had 100 brothers and the next closest one in size had only 40.

In that regard, yea, I'd say you're right

33girl · #13 03-10-2008, 09:43 AM

I was just going to say that this is definitely a penis/not-penis issue. Part of the reason girls go without bids is that by bidding the geeky girl, you might not be able to bid the cool girl. It doesn't work that way w/ fraternities (most of the time).

Plus, this guy has 6 months till college starts. A LOT can happen in 6 months.

and my final comment....all I have to say is....emo boys...if they were going to college back in my day, they would have probably been beaten up on a regular basis. Now they've got girls swooning over them.

gtdxeric · #14 03-10-2008, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I was just going to say that this is definitely a penis/not-penis issue.

I prefer to think of it as a vagina/not-vagina issue.

Anyway, I agree that rushing for guys is generally a less potentially traumatic experience than for girls. Outright rejection is not that common (in my experience), and if it happens, is done on a one-on-one basis, rather than getting rejected by every house at once through an impersonal phone call, as can happen in NPC recruitment. If a guy's not going to fit in at a house, he can generally tell, and if a guy hasn't gotten a bid, there's plenty of opportunity to withdraw from rush, whenever the rushee wants, with whatever reasoning the rushee wants to use. ("Those guys were douchebags, I wouldn't have taken a bid if they'd offered me one.")

Bamamom13 · #15 03-10-2008, 10:19 AM

I wonder if this guy is going to be on the same campus as the future sister-in-law and she thinks that his geekiness will embarras her.