Discouraging Someone From Rushing

[ladygreek]

Your friend is going to be an obnoxious sister-in-law.

[Xidelt]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

Your friend is going to be an obnoxious sister-in-law.

This girl already is obnoxious.

She was an officer in a sorority on a campus where greek life is big. Wow. Good for her. Here's her cookie.

I was rush chair in a local. Am I even worthy to be commenting on this?

PS Please tell her I said to get over herself.

[RedRover]

The young lady in question is a very compassionate woman who has devoted much time and energy to various good causes, working with people in various states of distress.

I truly believe that she has her future brother-in-law's best interest at heart.

One need only read some of the postings about first year college students (usually women) who are "released" from rush to know how painful and traumatic experience can be for some.

I sincerely believe that she wants to spare the young man any pain that might arise.

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by RedRover

I sincerely believe that she wants to spare the young man any pain that might arise.

You've said this several times. Most seem to feel she should give him insight, tips and encouragement (tinged with constructive reality), but let him make his own decisions and experience rush if he wants to. You continue to stress that she wants to keep him from rushing completely to avoid any pain at all costs. So you don't really seem interested in the feedback here and she doesn't even know (I presume) you came here asking for it. So this is accomplishing exactly... what?

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

You've said this several times. Most seem to feel she should give him insight, tips and encouragement (tinged with constructive reality), but let him make his own decisions and experience rush if he wants to. You continue to stress that she wants to keep him from rushing completely to avoid any pain at all costs. So you don't really seem interested in the feedback here and she doesn't even know (I presume) you came here asking for it. So this is accomplishing exactly... what?

I agree whole-heartedly. If she really has his best interests at heart, she will NOT try to discourage him from trying something that may actually be good for him. If she is really as caring and helpful as the OP says, she should USE HER KNOWLEDGE of the Greek system and HELP HIM.

I realize that people get released from the rush process everyday and yea, the feeling will likely suck if it does, but if she isn't even going to let him try, he could be missing out on something that may actually improve his life.

[SWTXBelle]

And how can you tell someone "You are a loser who won't get a bid" without THAT being painful? No matter how she phrases it, that's what he will hear.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

You've said this several times. Most seem to feel she should give him insight, tips and encouragement (tinged with constructive reality), but let him make his own decisions and experience rush if he wants to. You continue to stress that she wants to keep him from rushing completely to avoid any pain at all costs. So you don't really seem interested in the feedback here and she doesn't even know (I presume) you came here asking for it. So this is accomplishing exactly... what?

exactly. everyone(besides me) has given the same advice-let him make his own decision, and be there to cheer him on or for support if he is unsuccessful in obtaining a bid.

i said perhaps if the young man waited a year, got his college act together(got some college credits under his belt, saw how the guys on campus dress,made friends in the dorm and in the fraternities, he might have more success, if he truly is as unfortunate as the future sil thinks.

no one has endorsed that the future sil tell him not to rush,ever, but that seems to be what you wanted to hear. i agree that this would just crush the young man, no matter what the sil's intentions are. does she want the whole bunch of in-laws mad at her even before the wedding takes place?

[lilzetakitten]

Originally Posted by RedRover

I truly believe that she has her future brother-in-law's best interest at heart.

One need only read some of the postings about first year college students (usually women) who are "released" from rush to know how painful and traumatic experience can be for some.

I was released from recruitment the first time I went through. It was very painful and very humiliating. But I can tell you, with complete certainty, that it would have been so much worse to have a friend or family member tell me "Don't even try. There's no way you're going to get in."

And on the geeky note: I know a guy who was pretty geeky in high school. Short, skinny, looked like his grade level was actually his age, a bit in his popular older brother's shadow. He went to college, grew about 8 inches or something ridiculous like that, changed his hair, and became very confident. He's now pretty popular, very attractive, and I have the good fortune of being the person that gets to marry him.

People change after high school.

[DSTRen13]

My husband was a geek in high school. He was still a geek in college, and is still a geek now. And he loves his fraternity

[sigmaceli]

And on the geeky note: I know a guy who was pretty geeky in high school. Short, skinny, looked like his grade level was actually his age, a bit in his popular older brother's shadow. He went to college, grew about 8 inches or something ridiculous like that, changed his hair, and became very confident. He's now pretty popular, very attractive, and I have the good fortune of being the person that gets to marry him.

People change after high school.

Well said! Can I just say that's a GREAT story?

To my point...Coming from someone who was the awkward, shy and geeky girl in high school, college is a different monster entirely! I've come out of my shell and become a better, stronger woman because of my Sisters and their faith in me. We took a chance on each other, and I'm glad I've had such a great experience.

Likewise, my boyfriend is painfully shy, has a dry sense of humor and can be just as awkward as I was. And now, he's the vice president of his pledge class! There's a home for everyone in Greek life.

[lilzetakitten]

Thank you!

[LucyKKG]

Originally Posted by lilzetakitten

And on the geeky note: I know a guy who was pretty geeky in high school. Short, skinny, looked like his grade level was actually his age, a bit in his popular older brother's shadow. He went to college, grew about 8 inches or something ridiculous like that, changed his hair, and became very confident. He's now pretty popular, very attractive, and I have the good fortune of being the person that gets to marry him.

People change after high school.

Aww how cute!

My boyfriend recently confessed to me just HOW many hours of Everquest he used to play (not like I really even know what that game is), and I guess he used to be pretty awkward, shy, etc. He's still shy in some situations, but hey, he's the philanthropy chair of his fraternity. That's gotta say something. Oh yeah, and he's dating me, so he must've done something right.

(I kid, I kid. I'm not that arrogant...)

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by RedRover

A young woman I know is in a situation and would like some advice . . . .

Originally Posted by RedRover

. . . I truly believe that she has her future brother-in-law's best interest at heart. . . .
I sincerely believe that she wants to spare the young man any pain that might arise.

I agree with everyone else. If she really wants advice and she sincerely cares about her future brother-in-law and wants to spare him whatever pain she can, then she should either (1) give him the benefit of her experience by giving him whatever encouragement and helpful advice she can, or (2) keep her mouth shut.

She can't save him from the pain of how others might react to or judge him, nor would it really be in his best interests for her to try. But she can save him from the pain of knowing how she judges him. Being rejected by strangers wouldn't be nearly as painful as knowing that his brother's new wife thinks "he is the type of guy you would fix up your roommate with for the April Fools Day dance."