Bad news

[sunnyhibiscus]

Well, I'm sorry to say this, but things did not work out for me at all at formal recruitment. I feel that no one wants me. I feel that they want the popular, outgoing girls. I wasn't popular in high school and I was shy. In fact, I transferred to another school in the 10th grade because I had trouble making friends. I was a total outcast. You see, I went to a different high school in the 9th grade away from my friends.

The rejection has took a hit on my self esteem. It might take me a while to get over this. If I don't get over this soon, then I will need to talk to a school psychologist to get some help.

Anyway, I asked the lady who called me about other options to join a sorority. And she said to try COB. She told me to e-mail the chapters after recruitment. The COB events won't begin until October. However, there is no guarantee that there would be any this semester. If all of the chapters reach quota and total, then she said it would be next semester for COB opportunities.

I (and the good Lord) have put it in my heart that I want to be in a sorority. I don't give up. It's in my nature to not give up on my dreams.

I need to stop typing because this is making my head hurt. I will get away for the weekend to recollect my thoughts.

[fantASTic]

...Are you f'ing serious?

[SWTXBelle]

Formal recruitment is not the best way for MANY. I personally am a big fan of informal (or whatever the young whipper snappers are calling it these days - COB/COR) because it is possible for girls who are not as out-going to become better known, and to in turn get to know the GLO members better, too.
Try not to take it all so personally. I know, I know, it's hard not to - but understand that formal recruitment is an imperfect system that can sometimes let good quality PNMs fall through the cracks. It's the best we've been able to come up with, but still not 100%.
Become involved on your campus in other organizations, and see what happens in term of recruitment opportunities.
Good luck - I really hope you find your sisterhood.

eta - I didn't realize you had gone through informal before.

[smiley21]

The first thing that you need to do is take some time for yourself. If you are feeling this bad because of not getting into a sorority, then maybe it really wasn't the best choice for you. Yes, not getting a bid can be devistating, but it should not destroy who you are.

I think October is a good time for COB (if there are any). It gives you plenty of time to pull yourself together and get involved in other things and make new friends. If you still want to join in October, then give it another try.

[_Lisa_]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Become involved on your campus in other organizations, and see what happens in term of recruitment opportunities.

Echoing this sentiment because its the most important thing you can do. Becoming involved with other campus activities is the quickest way to meet new people & break out of this stigma you have set for yourself.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by smiley21

The first thing that you need to do is take some time for yourself. If you are feeling this bad because of not getting into a sorority, then maybe it really wasn't the best choice for you. Yes, not getting a bid can be devistating, but it should not destroy who you are.

I am so sorry for you, Sunny, but smiley21 is right. It's fine to be disappointed, sad, embarassed and depressed after an unsuccessful recruitment...temporarily. If you're so devastated that you need to see the counseling center, you probably shouldn't rush again. Not COB, not formal, not anything.

You've been posting on these forums long enough to know how recruitment works and how and why PNMs get cut. If you're taking the fact that you didn't get a bid to this chapter as some grand indictment of your personality -- leading back all the way from high school until now -- I really don't think you're going to take it well at all if COB doesn't work out.

I'm really really not trying to be mean. I honestly feel bad for you, but it just takes a very thick skin to deal with an unsuccessful recruitment. If you're not that kind of personality, it's okay, but please don't be a masochist about this. Don't put yourself in a potentially emotionally devastating situation AGAIN.

[Army Wife'79]

Didn't you get invited to a COB event last year/semester and not show up? Are you a Soph or Junior now? Or maybe I have you mixed up in my brain with someone else.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by sunnyhibiscus

I don't understand. I mean I have a good personaility and all. I didn't say anything negative at the open house. And I'm a sweet person and all. I don't know. And there were about seven people at the open house.

I have dreamed about joining a sorority for so long. And I'm willing not to let my dream die. I'm not a stalker on anything. It's just that you know. I will keep on trying. I'm one of those people who will not give up

This was a quote from you from your first thread you started back in January after COB didn't work out. I don't think you sounded that devastated there, but you really were having trouble understanding why some other girl got in a sorority and you didn't.

So as it stands right now, you're at least a sophomore. There are MYRIAD reasons why upperclassmen may be cut from recruitment. But that said... if you do COB again this year, it will be the third time in as many semesters that you've gone through recruitment.

You've gone through Informal once and were only invited back to one chapter. You didn't go. You went through formal this fall -- it didn't work out. Maybe you were cut because you were a sophomore, maybe some other reason, but you seem to think you were cut because you're a social "outcast" and now you're heartbroken.

Given all this -- the only information I have -- I don't think you're in a very good position to receive a bid the third time around. I would never recommend anyone try recruitment a third time, especially not someone who has taken these rejections so hard. I'm not trying to be mean or insensitive, but I just don't think it would be responsible advice if I were to tell you to go ahead and give it another shot.

[AOII Angel]

Sounds like you may have a social phobia or social anxiety disorder. Sometimes people are too "shy" to function in public. There are treatments available. Please seek some help. You may have a great personality, but you just may need some help letting it out. PM me if you want to talk about it.

AOII Angel

[sarasmile]

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

This was a quote from you from your first thread you started back in January after COB didn't work out. I don't think you sounded that devastated there, but you really were having trouble understanding why some other girl got in a sorority and you didn't.

So as it stands right now, you're at least a sophomore. There are MYRIAD reasons why upperclassmen may be cut from recruitment. But that said... if you do COB again this year, it will be the third time in as many semesters that you've gone through recruitment.

You've gone through Informal once and were only invited back to one chapter. You didn't go. You went through formal this fall -- it didn't work out. Maybe you were cut because you were a sophomore, maybe some other reason, but you seem to think you were cut because you're a social "outcast" and now you're heartbroken.

Given all this -- the only information I have -- I don't think you're in a very good position to receive a bid the third time around. I would never recommend anyone try recruitment a third time, especially not someone who has taken these rejections so hard. I'm not trying to be mean or insensitive, but I just don't think it would be responsible advice if I were to tell you to go ahead and give it another shot.

Quoted for truth.


Sunny - do you know any sorority women outside of just participating in recruitment? I think it sounds like your best opportunity would be to get to know a sorority woman or two outside of recruitment (in your classes, in other activities, etc.).

If your "problem" during recruitment and COR is that you're to anxious to let the real you shine through, getting to know someone in a no pressure, not sorority related atmosphere might be your best option. Let them see the real you...if they feel like you're a good match and they happen to have spots available, you never know.

But I'd have to agree that based on the level of devastation you're describing, going through recruitment (even COR events) again would be maochistic. I'm not saying that you should give up on the idea of ever being in a sorority, rather that getting to know/mingling with women during non-recruitment events might be a more emotionally healthy way to approach it. (Worst case scenario - you still make new friends, which it sounds like you could use right now. )

[Bamamom13]

Sunny,
Maybe talking to a school counselor is not a bad idea. It might help with your self esteem issues and it wouldn't hurt to have an impartial person hear you out.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Sounds like you may have a social phobia or social anxiety disorder.

Seriously, sunnyhibiscus, I'm sorry for your disappointment. My suggestion, like some others here, is to look at it as an opportunity to take some time with yourself and learn about yourself. No one here can tell you why you may have shy times, low self-esteem times or feeling-like-an-outcast times, but perhaps a counselor at school can help you with that.

I do wonder (and that's all I can do on the little information here) if your feeling that you are unpopular sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy -- others pick up on it and treat you the way you seem to treat yourself. I just don't know, and that's where I think talking to someone who can help you figure it all out might be very useful.

I do know that you can't find meaningful acceptence from others -- whether it's a sorority, team, or any other group -- if you're not accepting and feeling okay about yourself.

Good luck, and let us know how it's going!

[KSUViolet06]

I'm sorry things didn't work out.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=89902

This thread was recently started for girls who didn't receive bids. Maybe it will help.


I've been around this site awhile and I know that you've rushed before. This would be your 3rd attempt at sorority membership.

Take some time out for yourself. See a counselor if you need to. Take care of you.

You need to examine your reasons for wanting to be in a sorority. Let me be the first to say that whether you believe me or not, joining a sorority will not be the the magic fix for your self esteem issues that you seem to have from HS.

Also, keep in mind that while you're being totally focused on pursuing sorority membership, you might be missing out on opportunities to join other things that might be fun and chances to meet people and get involved on campus in other ways. I know you don't want to be a senior and about to graduate, looking back on college and realize "I never got involved in anything because I was so into wanting to be in a sorority."

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Seriously, sunnyhibiscus, I'm sorry for your disappointment. My suggestion, like some others here, is to look at it as an opportunity to take some time with yourself and learn about yourself. No one here can tell you why you may have shy times, low self-esteem times or feeling-like-an-outcast times, but perhaps a counselor at school can help you with that.

I do wonder (and that's all I can do on the little information here) if your feeling that you are unpopular sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy -- others pick up on it and treat you the way you seem to treat yourself. I just don't know, and that's where I think talking to someone who can help you figure it all out might be very useful.

I do know that you can't find meaningful acceptence from others -- whether it's a sorority, team, or any other group -- if you're not accepting and feeling okay about yourself.

Good luck, and let us know how it's going!

I like that! Sometimes I do feel like Lucy, but seriously social anxiety disorder is frequently not considered when it should be. I actually have it and have a much more fulfilling life now that I am treated. No one really believes that I have this problem, but no one knew me before! Thank God I figured it out when I did!!

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

You need to examine your reasons for wanting to be in a sorority. Let me be the first to say that whether you believe me or not, joining a sorority will not be the the magic fix for your self esteem issues that you seem to have from HS.

Jocelyn really knows her stuff, so you should pay special attention to this statement. It's the absolute truth.

As a matter of fact, if you're an especially sensitive or fragile creature, sorority membership can worsen any existing self-esteem problems.

If you are joining a sorority because you feel like it validates you, socially, you're in for a big surprise. Sure, you'll feel like the most popular kid in town for the first couple weeks, with all the big/little gifts and new member events and whatnot. But after the first month, active members stop fawning all over their new members and you become just another woman in the group, and you feel just like you did before you joined.

This is a huge reason, in my experience, why more timid/unconfident women depledge. Girls that aren't as sure of themselves see this ceasing of the constant validation as a sign that nobody in the chapter likes them, or that they're an "outcast" in the sorority, and they get all bent out of joint that they don't have like 80 best instafriends, and so on. Even if they stay in, I've seen sorority women obsess over whether or not they really "deserve" to be in their group, or have doubts that they'd still be in their sorority if they had to rush again tomorrow, or if anyone said anything bad about them while they were rushing, blah blah blah.

It gets better...

Even the best, most tight-knit sororities have their problems. Nothing quite deals a blow to your ego like running for an executive board position only to lose by a landslide, or actually being elected to a position only to receive the wrath of all the sisters when you screw up. To say nothing of the legendary crying/screaming blowups that occur in every sorority house from time to time....

If you can't handle rejection or you have major confidence issues, you should't join a sorority. I know it sucks feeling rejected by a bunch of sorority women you barely know. I promise you it sucks that much harder when you feel rejected by those same sorority women X number of years after you joined.