Nerves...

[sewlovely]

I want to apologize in advance if this has been done before. I attempted a search, but I came up with nada!

I will be a freshman this fall at a mediumish sized college in the Midwest. I don't think rush is extremely competitive at my school, although it isn't a walk in the park either (to the best of my knowledge).

I am attending a school far away from my home state. My friends have always meant the world to me (as corny as that sounds) and I am secretly pretty terrified to be leaving them. Despite my fears I am very excited for college to begin.

Greek Life is fairly prominent on campus and I think somewhere between 30-60% of freshman (depending on the year) go through recruitment. I am obviously no expert on greek life, but from what I know it sounds like something I’d really love. I absolutely love the idea of philanthropies, sisterhood, and events. I have a pretty good GPA and was very involved in high school. I am a huge people person. The only thing I still need to do before this fall is find recommendations and I am working quite hard on that. Haven’t had any success yet though How rush goes of course is completely up in the air. So I can only cross my fingers on that!

Now this is where I need some advice. I am having a hard time being the only one of my friends going out of state, no matter how much I want to deny it. Everyone keeps telling me if it doesn’t work out I can always transfer back. Which is true, but I so badly want it to work out. I am worried that if for some reason rush doesn’t work out. I’d transfer back at semester. I know that sounds crazy and dramatic, but I honestly think it may totally derail me. I am fairly self conscience (although it doesn’t show) and I would literally spend every day feeing embarrassed about how maybe I answered a question funny or some awkward pause. I know I need to work on that, but it’s just kind of me. On the bright side I never make the same mistake twice! Every time I looked at one of the girl’s I met I’d be so mortified. For me it’s not so much about being in a sorority, but about what I did to get rejected. If that makes any sense?
Now I am probably really overreacting, because from what I’ve heard the odds are really in my favor. The what if’s are really driving me crazy though!

So I’ve kinda thought about my options. I could not rush and get involved in other activities. I could rush and if my odds aren’t looking too hot drop out. I could go through it, give it 100%, and hope I can suck it up if it doesn’t end up working out.
I just feel so silly for getting all worked up about this. I’m just so nervous about school already! Any advice would be so much appreciated and I cannot thank you enough for reading this!

[FSUZeta]

why are you going to school so far away from home? do you really want to go to that school? it kind of sounds like you would rather go in state.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

why are you going to school so far away from home? do you really want to go to that school? it kind of sounds like you would rather go in state.

That's not how I read it. She wants to do it, she's just scared to death. Understandable, especially if she was a big fish in a little pond and all her friends are going to LocalCollegeThat'sKindaLikeGrade13.

sewlovely - even if there are people at your college who went to high school together, EVERYONE is coming in with a fresh slate. It doesn't matter if you were the queen of the high school or on the bottom, who your parents or siblings were. If you have made friends before on your own merits, you can do so again. There was a study once showing that the people who went to college but stayed "connected" too much to their HS and hometown - i.e. had HS pictures all over their dorm rooms, went home all the time, stayed in contact w/ HS friends constantly -were the ones who flunked out. You just need to jump in with both feet.

If you need recs get them ASAP. It will be one thing that you know you've taken care of. Read the threads on here about what to do and not do. If it's at all possible, take a day trip or weekend trip away from your hometown sometime this summer. Even if it's just as simple as going to a farther away/bigger mall or something by yourself, it will reassure you that you can do things on your own.

Good luck!

[sewlovely]

Originally Posted by 33girl

That's not how I read it. She wants to do it, she's just scared to death. Understandable, especially if she was a big fish in a little pond and all her friends are going to LocalCollegeThat'sKindaLikeGrade13.

That is pretty much it exactly. You explained it better then I even could!

Originally Posted by 33girl

sewlovely - even if there are people at your college who went to high school together, EVERYONE is coming in with a fresh slate. It doesn't matter if you were the queen of the high school or on the bottom, who your parents or siblings were. If you have made friends before on your own merits, you can do so again. There was a study once showing that the people who went to college but stayed "connected" too much to their HS and hometown - i.e. had HS pictures all over their dorm rooms, went home all the time, stayed in contact w/ HS friends constantly -were the ones who flunked out. You just need to jump in with both feet.

That is really interesting about the study. It is something I really need to keep in my mind. I am so excited and ready for college it just is hard to let go especially when I found such great friends in hs. It is true that I can do it again though You really helped me put everything in perspective! The day trip sounds like a great idea!

Off to check out the threads about how to get recs!

[sewlovely]

Originally Posted by Jen

The sorority members are going to be meeting SO MANY people during recruitment. They won't remember an awkward pause or a funny answer to a question when every PNM will be nervous. They'll probably have a bunch of awkward conversations during each round. If you have a not-so-great conversation, that's going to happen to a LOT of other people during the process, not just you.

Sorority members are just as nervous, if not more, than the PNMs. They practice for weeks and weeks to try and make the process as smooth and painless as possible for the women like you who want to join. They're just as invested in making a good impression and feel just as dumb if they have an awkward conversation or think they made a bad impression.

Not everyone will join. Some girls will drop out because it's not their thing, some will drop out because they weren't happy with the groups that invited them back, some will be cut because they didn't keep an open mind about all the groups and it showed. The biggest thing is to go in with a positive attitude and keep an open mind about every group that invites you back. You may not think you mesh with a group one day and then love them the next.

The thing is, you'll never be able to join a sorority if you don't go through recruitment. I feel like it's better to go through and see what happens than be thinking five years later "Man, I wish I'd gone for it and tried." The what ifs of having never done it are often way worse than the what ifs of something you're scared to do.

I speak from experience - living with social anxiety has kept me from trying a lot of things, and I really regret not trying things more than I regret the times I did try and things didn't work out.

Everything you said was really helpful, especially the bolded! I just have to keep reminding myself of this. I keep kicking myself over stuff that happened at orientation that I don't think anyone else noticed. I need to let it go

I am absoluetly planning on going in with an open mind. I want to end up where I fit best. I've heard a few things about specific sororities, but I'm not letting it factor into my decision at all. There is only one sorority I'm planning on ranking low and it's because they are pretty new (within the last 5-10 years). My mom won't help me pay for a not established sorority. She thinks alumni relations are very important. Is she right or completely wrong?

Thanks so much for your response

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by sewlovely

There is only one sorority I'm planning on dropping first and that's only because they are pretty new (within the last 5-10 years). My mom won't help me pay for a not established sorority. She thinks alumni relations are very important. Is she right or completely wrong?

If you are talking about NPC sororities, she is wrong. With NPC sororities, the alumnae base includes women from all chapters, not just those from your school. The NPCs are all about 100 years old, give or take, so the age of the local collegiate chapter is relatively unimportant.

[BraveMaroon]

Originally Posted by sewlovely

I am absoluetly planning on going in with an open mind. I want to end up where I fit best. I've heard a few things about specific sororities, but I'm not letting it factor into my decision at all. There is only one sorority I'm planning on dropping first and that's only because they are pretty new (within the last 5-10 years). My mom won't help me pay for a not established sorority. She thinks alumni relations are very important. Is she right or completely wrong?

Thanks so much for your response

1. Careful with your wording - it's a mutual selection process - you rank, they make cuts.

2. If it's a local sorority that's brand new on campus, it's a little different than an NPC sorority that's been around since the late 1800s-early 1900s. Even though your chapter is new, there are alums from other chapters the world over who have been established for a long time.

And I'll be honest - the fact that I was in a sorority has opened as many doors as being in a specific sorority.

I'd be curious to hear others' take on this.

[FSUZeta]

do not rule out the newest sorority-you may absolutely love them and they may be the best fit for you. if it is a NPC sorority, most likely their national officers would not have agreed to colonize at your school if they did not have a lot of local alumnae support. As others have said, the alumnae supporting the chapter will be from all over, not just from the college where the new chapter was established. you should explain that to your mother.

BraveMaroon, I agree with you. Being in a sorority has opened many doors for me, and offered me a connection with fellow greeks, whether they were ZTAs or not.

[IrishLake]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

And I'll be honest - the fact that I was in A sorority has opened as many doors as being in a specific sorority.

I'd be curious to hear others' take on this.

Bolded for emphasis, and I concur.

FWIW I joined Theta when they were only 5 years old at my college. Never regretted it once. I'm now an advisor to this well established and very successful chapter.

[AOII Angel]

I also would not assume that a new chapter has less support than an older, more established chapter. New chapters have a way of energizing alumnae in an area and can have extensive alumnae support. Older chapters sometimes have difficulties maintaining adequate support from their alumnae. Automatically discounting a younger chapter for this reason is misguided. Instead, I would ask all the chapters how much alumnae support they have. You might be surprised by the answers you get.

[sewlovely]

Thanks for the response! I'll have to have a talk with my Mom. Please excuse the fact that I may be using a poor choice of words. I'm learning

[sewlovely]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I also would not assume that a new chapter has less support than an older, more established chapter. New chapters have a way of energizing alumnae in an area and can have extensive alumnae support. Older chapters sometimes have difficulties maintaining adequate support from their alumnae. Automatically discounting a younger chapter for this reason is misguided. Instead, I would ask all the chapters how much alumnae support they have. You might be surprised by the answers you get.

I didn't even think about it this way. That could be very true, thanks! I will definately remember to ask about alumnae support.

[sewlovely]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

If you are talking about NPC sororities, she is wrong. With NPC sororities, the alumnae base includes women from all chapters, not just those from your school. The NPCs are all about 100 years old, give or take, so the age of the local collegiate chapter is relatively unimportant.

I think it is NPC. So we are incorrect. Oops Didn't think about it this way.

[sewlovely]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

1. Careful with your wording - it's a mutual selection process - you rank, they make cuts.

2. If it's a local sorority that's brand new on campus, it's a little different than an NPC sorority that's been around since the late 1800s-early 1900s. Even though your chapter is new, there are alums from other chapters the world over who have been established for a long time.

And I'll be honest - the fact that I was in a sorority has opened as many doors as being in a specific sorority.

I'd be curious to hear others' take on this.

More things to consider Thanks! I'll be more careful on my wording next time. Thanks for the advice!

[sewlovely]

Originally Posted by IrishLake

Bolded for emphasis, and I concur.

FWIW I joined Theta when they were only 5 years old at my college. Never regretted it once. I'm now an advisor to this well established and very successful chapter.

It's nice to hear from someone who has been there and done that, thanks!