Seeking Sorority Members Advice *Everone's Thoughts are Welcome*

[RareTreasure]

What do you recommend that a person does when the one person you have bonded with for 5 years says "If you join a sorority I cant be with you"?? I've asked this questions to many, and I will tell you what they have said, and what I already know how to answer them.

I know he is afraid of me dedicating my self for a lifetime to anything other than him, he has already lost someone else in the past to something he told them wasn't going to work out, tried it any way, then it didn't work out.
I tell him constantly it will work, but he just "Knows" that me joining a sorority will cause problems in our relationship. People say......."If he loves you, he will stick by you and hold you down," but as much as he is a dedicated, loyal person, the sorority is where he draws the line. He feels that if I do become a member of a sorority, I will not be the down to earth person I am because most people change. He feels that a sorority is not a necessity, its a want....so why cant I sacrifice a want for him. I don't see it that way.
What do I do? I have been researching this Sorority since I was a senior in High School, and not I am a senior in college.....I want to do it, but I cant loose the one person that's been there for me 100% of the time. I cant count on any one but him for anything...and I may loose that. Would I be being selfish it I did it? Would I be stupid because he is a very good person to me? I've tried to talk him out of it, but it never works. I've cried, and talked and he doesn't care about any of it. He just doesn't want me to do it and he feels that it shouldn't be a hard thing to sacrifice because I'm living fine without it now.

[Little32]

Troubling dilemma. I am sure that this question has been asked before, and if you do a search, you will probably find other useful advice. But for now, I will offer you this:

My thoughts are that if you and this fellow are going to last and he knows that you are who he wants to be with, he is going at least try to make it work. Regardless of what he thinks he "knows" about this situation, you are not this other person and he has not been through this situation with you. If he thinks that you pursuing a dream of yours is going to jeopardize the relationship, then ultimately it will jeopardize the relationship. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, I think.

Also, your friend sounds a bit controlling. Many of the things that we aspire to, beyond sorority membership, are wants and not needs. Many of the experiences that we have, whether attaining a graduate degree, getting the dream job, whatever, do change us as individuals. Hopefully, we become increasingly better versions of ourselves. If you friend trusts you, then he will know that you are committed to being with him as you go through these changes. However, it sounds to me like he is a bit insecure. Maybe he believes that as you change, you will be less committed to him. Maybe this is his way of letting you know that he will let you go before you can let him go.

If you don't do this because he doesn't want you to, what will stop him from attempting to curtail the other dreams that you have for yourself? I never think that you should be with anyone who would try to stop you from doing something that is so clearly important to you. If you don't at least try, you are going to regret it later; particularly if you and this young man don't work out.

[RareTreasure]

I wish he could see the feedback i am getting. That sounds like it may be what it is. But what can i say to him to make him see that if he goes into this thinking like he is, he is going to make it not work. I tell him constantly.....i am an individual....and ultimately....i will do what i want to do. I just want him to realize that it is not as bad as he is making it. I need a male to tell me what they would suggest I tell him. I know coming at him in a harsh way and telling him "weather he likes it or not I'm doing it," will only make him mad, so I wonder what a man thinks will make him open up, calm down, and work with me.

[Little32]

Well you have already gotten advice from one man in the GL forum, but I too would be interested in hearing what other men have to say about the issue.

You might need to start asking yourself whether you can be with someone who would give you such an ultimatum, when all you are trying to do is pursue one of your dreams. You might need to think about what kind of life you are in for if you have to fight this sort of battle everytime you want to do something that your friend does not whole-heartedly agree with. You need to consider whether that is the kind of life that you want. Really, you have to start thinking about what you want, because he is not thinking about you right now, he is thinking about himself.

Here's the thing, you may decide to pursue membership and he may get on board, when he discovers that you are going to do it with or without his consent or he may not, and you will have to prepare yourself for that.

[RareTreasure]

Originally Posted by Little32

Well you have already gotten advice from one man in the GL forum, but I too would be interested in hearing what other men have to say about the issue.

Where do you think i can post something at that men would reply to?

[Little32]

Just wait. They will post in one of the three threads that you have started.

[AKA_Monet]

Since there is a post in the Greek Life forum for a diverse set of responses, I am locking this one.