Lavaliering and Pinning Questions

[SigmaAlphaOSU]

Okay I have a couple questions about lavaleiring and pinning. After a guy pins or lavaliers you, does that mean he can't wear letters anymore? I heard one of the girls say it's like giving you whatever recognition he has from his fraternity. Also, can guys only lavalier one girl while they are in the fraternity? (like if they break up and they meet someone else can they lavalier the second girl?)

[KSUViolet06]

My twin in my sorority was pinned by her Delta Chi boyfriend and he still wears letters, so I'm guessing that guys who pin girls can still wear them.

I've never seen a limit on how many girls a guy can lavaliere. It's considered to be a serious thing, so most people say that you should be fairly committed to a girl before lavaliering them. My Big dated her Delta Chi boyfriend for 3 years before her lavaliered her. However, there are guys on my campus who have lavaliered a girl after dating her 3 mionths, broken up with her, gotten the lavalier back, met someone else, and lavaliered them after a month or 2. They don't particularly take it as seriously. So I guess it depends on the person.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by SigmaAlphaOSU

Okay I have a couple questions about lavaleiring and pinning. After a guy pins or lavaliers you, does that mean he can't wear letters anymore?

It might depend on the traditions of the particular chapter and perhaps the campus culture, but generally speaking, he can and will (should) continue to wear his letters.

I heard one of the girls say it's like giving you whatever recognition he has from his fraternity.

She is incorrect. It is a token of his affection usually signifying that the relationship is "more serious" than boy friend and girl friend. Often prior to engagement.

Also, can guys only lavalier one girl while they are in the fraternity? (like if they break up and they meet someone else can they lavalier the second girl?)

Yes, he may lavalier as many women he wants. Hopefully - for the girl's sake - not at the same time. And ideally, the woman he broke up with should have the class and dignity to offer to return any tokens of his affection. Especially his badge.

[TSteven]

Not saying some don't, but the guys I know do not wear - much less own - necklaces with their letters on it. Thus they did not have a necklace to give. (to laval?) And to be clear, I'm sure it happens but I never saw it (giving of a necklace with letters) or even heard of someone doing so.

My guess - since again I've never heard/seen of a guy giving his necklaces with his letters on it - would be that he would need to take the time to order one first. Which would show his "commitment" to the relationship. Like picking out a ring or something.

However, pinning is something I've seen - but only in a few rare situations. The guy has his badge and usually the couple have been dating for years. Thus it was more of an "on campus" pre-official engagement kind of thing.

So is lavaliering the giving of a necklace or can one "lavel" with some other token of affection? And how regular is lavaliering?

ETA: I have seen guys give tokens of affection - including necklaces - to their girls. Just nothing with their letters on it that I know of.

ETA 2: The more I think about this, the more cobwebs get cleared away. I just wanted to add that I have seen fraternity rings (with letters) given out and I've heard of sweetheart pins.

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by SigmaAlphaOSU

Okay I have a couple questions about lavaleiring and pinning. After a guy pins or lavaliers you, does that mean he can't wear letters anymore? I heard one of the girls say it's like giving you whatever recognition he has from his fraternity. Also, can guys only lavalier one girl while they are in the fraternity? (like if they break up and they meet someone else can they lavalier the second girl?)

In all the years I've been in and around the Greek System, I've never heard anything about that. Either question.

This is a sign of affection -- not deactivation.

[Eirbear]

Originally Posted by TSteven

So is lavaliering the giving of a necklace or can one "lavel" with some other token of affection? And how regular is lavaliering?

At least on my campus (it's probably on other campuses too), we have a thing we also call "pearling" which is the equivalent to lavaliering. The difference is that pearling happens when the boyfriend isn't affiliated with a GLO. With pearling, all it is is he gives his girlfriend a pearl to wear on her lavalier chain.

But, as far as I know, with affiliates to GLOs, lavaliering with a lavalier is really the only thing (pinning, of course). And, yes, the guy has to go out and buy a lavalier with his GLO's letters on it, but pretty much every Greek Store would have those, so it's not really that big of a deal to find or buy.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by Eirbear

At least on my campus (it's probably on other campuses too), we have a thing we also call "pearling" which is the equivalent to lavaliering. The difference is that pearling happens when the boyfriend isn't affiliated with a GLO. With pearling, all it is is he gives his girlfriend a pearl to wear on her lavalier chain.

But, as far as I know, with affiliates to GLOs, lavaliering with a lavalier is really the only thing (pinning, of course). And, yes, the guy has to go out and buy a lavalier with his GLO's letters on it, but pretty much every Greek Store would have those, so it's not really that big of a deal to find or buy.

Thanks. Now that I think about it - yet some more - it may be something that was done "way back when".

Back in my day, few guys lavaliered (gave a token etc.) their girlfriends. Pinning seemed to be a bigger deal. As I recall, necklaces with her sorority letters were quite popular with the girls. And some guys might give their girls some sort of charm to be attached to her necklace. She would then wear her letters (called a drop as I recall) along with some sort of symbol of her boyfriend's fraternity on the same chain. But I just don't recall guys giving out necklaces with just his letters on it. So maybe it is the "charm" that may have had his letters on it that was part of her lavaliere. Then again, it was the late 70's and I'm sure things have changed.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Thanks. Now that I think about it - yet some more - it may be something that was done "way back when".

Back in my day, few guys lavaliered (gave a token etc.) their girlfriends. Pinning seemed to be a bigger deal. As I recall, necklaces with her sorority letters were quite popular with the girls. And some guys might give their girls some sort of charm to be attached to her necklace. She would then wear her letters (called a drop as I recall) along with some sort of symbol of her boyfriend's fraternity on the same chain. But I just don't recall guys giving out necklaces with just his letters on it. So maybe it is the "charm" that may have had his letters on it that was part of her lavaliere. Then again, it was the late 70's and I'm sure things have changed.

You just go to Greek101.com or something. Mine looks just like my Alpha Gam lavalier, only with Delta Chi on it instead...he just ordered it online. I don't wear mine with my own letters.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl

You just go to Greek101.com or something. Mine looks just like my Alpha Gam lavalier, only with Delta Chi on it instead...he just ordered it online. I don't wear mine with my own letters.

I understand how/where someone can get a lavaliere now in this day and age. However, back in the late 1970s there wasn't the internet or the proliferation of 800 phone number centers, about the only place to get anything like this would be at the local college bookstore's Greek Life department. (Which, for you kids, is an actual physical place.) And if the bookstore didn't carry it - and few if any carried necklaces with fraternity letters at the time - you might be able to order it through them. And then get it six to eight weeks later. This is why the whole necklaces with fraternity letters (or charms what have you) was not something done as a spur of the moment thing. And perhaps why the giving of a lavaliere was often skipped and the guy went right to pinning. He didn't need to wait six to eight weeks because he already had his badge.

And perhaps it is (was) a Southern thing. A gentleman just did not give a lady jewelery unless they were in a serious relationship.

[NUBlue&Blue]

On our midwestern campus, there was no "lavaliered" stage, just pinnings. After the pinning, you took both pins down to the local jeweler and had them soldered together by a chain. Since I married the person I was pinned to, our pins are still together, but I guess I should get them taken apart one of these days in case he ever wants to wear his for something.

Yes, back in the day, you couldn't just order something you wanted and have it show up in a day or two. I remember the greek clothing rep only came once or twice a year, so you'd better have money or it would be a long time before you'd have another chance to order something!

[FSUZeta]

back in my day at fsu, lavaliering was the equilavent to a h.s. boy giving his class ring to his steady girlfriend-sort of a physical statement that they are a couple. pinning was sort of a pre-engagement thing .

there was a lovely local jewelry store in downtown tallahassee where all the sororities and fraternities purchased their chapter guards, officer dangles and lavaliers. that whole block has since been absorbed by the state for more office space.

there were lots of lavalierings, pinnings and engagements and the fraternity brothers would come over and serenade the girl for a pinning or engagement. the boy would then be hauled up the street to westcott fountain and thrown in.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by TSteven

I understand how/where someone can get a lavaliere now in this day and age. However, back in the late 1970s there wasn't the internet or the proliferation of 800 phone number centers, about the only place to get anything like this would be at the local college bookstore's Greek Life department. (Which, for you kids, is an actual physical place.) And if the bookstore didn't carry it - and few if any carried necklaces with fraternity letters at the time - you might be able to order it through them. And then get it six to eight weeks later. This is why the whole necklaces with fraternity letters (or charms what have you) was not something done as a spur of the moment thing. And perhaps why the giving of a lavaliere was often skipped and the guy went right to pinning. He didn't need to wait six to eight weeks because he already had his badge.

And perhaps it is (was) a Southern thing. A gentleman just did not give a lady jewelery unless they were in a serious relationship.

A lavalier is supposed to be for a guy in a serious relationship with a girl. And you still have to wait 4-6 weeks. At least that's what he told me...it's not supposed to be a spur of the moment thing, but it's also not as serious as pinning because it doesn't necessarily imply you're about to get engaged any time soon...that and I mean if it were me I'd be way reluctant to give my badge to someone else.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl

A lavalier is supposed to be for a guy in a serious relationship with a girl. And you still have to wait 4-6 weeks. At least that's what he told me...it's not supposed to be a spur of the moment thing, but it's also not as serious as pinning because it doesn't necessarily imply you're about to get engaged any time soon...

I believe we are on the same page here.

I mean if it were me I'd be way reluctant to give my badge to someone else.

Exactly. Basically, the only time to do so (pin) would be prior to their formal engagement.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

there were lots of lavalierings, pinnings and engagements and the fraternity brothers would come over and serenade the girl for a pinning or engagement. the boy would then be hauled up the street to westcott fountain and thrown in.

Sounds like UK. But instead of being thrown in a fountain, the guy would be "treed".