advice?

upigletdewhat · #1 01-02-2007, 12:39 AM

I know most of you are not in co-ed fraternities or anything like that, but some of you probably have your "affiliate" fraternity or sorority? I was wondering how you guys deal with your "incestual" situations. We are having issues with it in my coed fraternity right now, and I would really like some input from bigger organizations about how you think it can be handled.

Personally my opinion is that if people stayed out of other peoples personal lives this would not be a problem, but one of our founding fathers is saying that he thinks we should do away with relationships in the organization completely. But we have been around for 6 years, and already have 3 married couples, and atleast 4 serious relationships that have been going on for a while.

Just wondering if anyone had any good advice! thanks

Texas Beta · #2 01-02-2007, 12:44 AM

With any organized group you're going to have people dabbling in others business. I'm amazed at how much drama is in my own fraternity. If there has been such a successful turn out of happy couples, it would seem stupid to take that away.

Eirbear · #3 01-02-2007, 12:51 AM

My roommate is in Tau Beta Sigma--the co-ed National Honorary Band Service Sorority. There are plenty of relationships that go on within TBS (and KKY, which is, more or less in our school, the same situation). It's mostly a really big joke within the groups, but I don't think they've ever caused a huge problem. Any group is going to have its drama, and all of the TBS drama at my school (according to my roommate) has nothing whatsoever to do with the relationships.

In my personal opinion, if relationships are banned within your organization, it's just going to make people want to have them more. People always want to have what they're not allowed to have.

DSTCHAOS · #4 01-02-2007, 12:54 AM

You date whoever you want to unless there's some type of "work environment" type pact or something in your governing documents that prohibits it. It still won't stop people, though. So those who choose to still date someone from within the fold should not let that interfere with their commitment to the group. Express this to the members and tell them that misconduct and neglect regarding the group results in disciplinary action.

On an honest note: This has also been an issue for NON co-ed organizations before. Just to give this topic a general outlook that isn't geared toward heterosexuality.

upigletdewhat · #5 01-02-2007, 12:58 AM

yes i deffinetely agree with you. this can deffinetely happen in a fraternity or sorority sorry for anyone that may have offended.

DSTCHAOS · #6 01-02-2007, 01:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by upigletdewhat

yes i deffinetely agree with you. this can deffinetely happen in a fraternity or sorority sorry for anyone that may have offended.

I don't know if it could've been offensive to just discuss co-ed.

But I think that this happening in non-coed organizations has made people even more opposed to it and caused more conflict due to the organizational AND societal stigma.

elusive47 · #7 01-02-2007, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by upigletdewhat

I know most of you are not in co-ed fraternities or anything like that, but some of you probably have your "affiliate" fraternity or sorority? I was wondering how you guys deal with your "incestual" situations. We are having issues with it in my coed fraternity right now, and I would really like some input from bigger organizations about how you think it can be handled.

Personally my opinion is that if people stayed out of other peoples personal lives this would not be a problem, but one of our founding fathers is saying that he thinks we should do away with relationships in the organization completely. But we have been around for 6 years, and already have 3 married couples, and atleast 4 serious relationships that have been going on for a while.

Just wondering if anyone had any good advice! thanks

As one of the few people on Greek Chat that is a member of a Co-ed Social organization, I can tell you that rules will vary from organization to organization. My GLO, Theta Delta Sigma Society, has rules on relationships between our Siblings:

Quote:

Originally Posted by http://www.thetadeltasigma.org/alpha/main.htm

I am interested, can my significant other join too?

-> Being that Theta Delta Sigma is a coed organization it may be natural for many couples to want to pledge together. However, being that we are a 'siblinghood' relationships of that nature are generally discouraged. Ultimately, if both of you rush Theta and are both given bids to pledge, then that decision is up to you.

PeppyGPhiB · #8 01-02-2007, 02:53 AM

First of all, I would stop using the term "incest" when referring to this situation. That's not a label you should apply to your organization.

Second, I'd like to point out that I think most (if not all) NPC sororities/fraternities have said they do NOT support auxillary groups, so please do not assume that members of non-co-ed organizations have an "affiliate fraternity or sorority" and can relate to your situation.

Finally, I'll just say that it does not surprise me at all that these relationships are happening in your group, in fact I'd be floored if it wasn't happening frequently. When you spend a lot of time with people of the opposite sex and form close ties, hook-ups and dating happen. If the relationships are healthy, and don't cause harmful drama, why don't you accept it as a good way to find one's spouse/SO?

33girl · #9 01-02-2007, 11:15 AM

As PGPB said, NO NPC or IFC groups have any type of "affiliation" with any other fraternity or sorority, and the only NPHC groups who do are Zeta Phi Beta & Phi Beta Sigma. Excluding homosexual relationships, this really is an issue for coed groups only.

My chapter of Alpha Phi Omega had a lot of "coupling" going on. Most of the time though, the coupling 1) had happened beforehand (i.e. a guy joined and then his girlfriend did) 2) happened between people who hung out together a lot anyway outside the fraternity. I don't think you can make rules about it. For the most part it's not a problem. But if people go together and then break up and bring their drama into fraternity business, then they should have their membership status reconsidered.

upigletdewhat · #10 01-03-2007, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

First of all, I would stop using the term "incest" when referring to this situation. That's not a label you should apply to your organization.

Second, I'd like to point out that I think most (if not all) NPC sororities/fraternities have said they do NOT support auxillary groups, so please do not assume that members of non-co-ed organizations have an "affiliate fraternity or sorority" and can relate to your situation.

Finally, I'll just say that it does not surprise me at all that these relationships are happening in your group, in fact I'd be floored if it wasn't happening frequently. When you spend a lot of time with people of the opposite sex and form close ties, hook-ups and dating happen. If the relationships are healthy, and don't cause harmful drama, why don't you accept it as a good way to find one's spouse/SO?

im sorry. i didn't necesarilly mean affiliate. like on my campus we have fraternities who do some of their pledging with another sorority or just have a lot of ties kinda idk how to explain it. but that's kinda of what i meant, not an affiliate persay, but just idk how to explain it. but anyways....

thank you all for ur help. i have been bringing some of the things that people have mentioned up with my fraternity and we are starting to finally just drop the subject. as a fraternity we are coming to the conclusion that it's going to happen, and it shows how close we all are, and how much time we all spend together. thanks for all of the advice!