Friend Driving Me Crazy!

[WVU alpha phi]

I've referenced a friend on GC before that talks NONSTOP about her boyfriend and their problems. It's been going on since the early summer and I seriously am at my wits end with her.

I'm not exaggerating when I say this, but every single day I get pages upon pages of emails from her telling me about some new drama (I say new because it's a new fight, always about the same thing- him talking to other girls and she can't trust him) and then wanting to know my advice on the situation. Atleast twice a week she texts me when I wake up in the morning and tells me to call her when I'm driving to work- which I never do. She will text me throughout the work day if I don't respond to emails immediately, then she will call me the second I get off and when I don't answer, call back atleast 3 or 4 times in a row. She also texts me to demand that I call her on lunch breaks, etc. I never do any of this because it's my time and the last thing I want to hear about is her lousy relationship.

For the first few months I listened to her because we've been friends for years and I understand what she's going through- I've been in a relationship where I can't trust the guy and I know how much it sucks. But now it's to the point where I don't even want to talk to her. I never call her, she always calls me. Sometimes she will make small talk for about 5 minutes then will immediately launch into a tirade about her boyfriend. I've told her before it's unhealthy, they need to break up if she won't trust him, etc. The guy is a piece of sh*t and she has every reason NOT to trust him, which I've also told her.

I'm through with playing therapist for the last 6 months. How do I get out of this situation?

[AGDee]

I think I would calmly (when you're NOT upset) tell her that you have told her repeatedly that you believe her boyfriend is not trustworthy and that she should dump him so you fail to understand why she continues to bring it up to you. Let her know that your opinion of him in all this time has not changed, you believe she should dump him and that there is nothing else to discuss. Make this your mantra with her and if she doesn't get it then, tell her that you are making the topic of her boyfriend off limits and that you will only talk to her if she agrees to that.

[KSUViolet06]

With all of my really good friends, I've simply told them that I really didn't like Boyfriend and that they need to not email/call me about Boyfriend unless they were going to do something about the way Boyfriend treats them.

I would just be honest with her and say that. If you two have truly been friends for years, and she values your friendship, she will understand that.

If not, she'll probsbly dump you as a friend. But don't worry, statistics show that she will come back to you once Boyfriend dumps her.

[XAntoftheSkyX]

It sounds like the boyfriend isn't worth it, and if your friend is in contact with you that often about how she can't trust him, then she should end it.

I agree with KSUViolet06 and be honest with her and hopefully she'll get rid of him.

[AKA_Monet]

Wow, that is quite excessive if what you say is true. If you could PM me a writing sample of hers, it would be interesting to see what is going through her mind...

I agree with what others say. But I have a feeling she is not getting the hint.

None of us are trained and licensed therapists and should not serve as one. However you can recommend to your friend to see one if she is that obsessive.

It will sound blunt to her when you say what you have to say, but it is affecting your life as well. So, just like others have said, sever communications... If she's your friend, she'll understand. If she's not, well, I am sorry you had to suffer this.

It's good sometimes for close friends to "take breaks" from each other from time to time...

[WVU alpha phi]

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm trying to back off without making it completely obvious. Today's email only had a long paragraph about him, a big improvement for her lol. I just try not to acknowledge anything she has said about him, and if I do, I keep it to a few sentences as to not encourage her. Thanks everyone!

[agzg]

I knew someone that was engaged to the biggest d-bag I have ever met. He moved away without telling her (twice) and moved back both times. He was having a baby with another woman while engaged to her.

She would call me every day with a story about him. She would ask for advice, I would tell her to break up with him, she would ignore me.

It got to the point where I would only answer her calls once a week. When they got engaged she asked me to be her maid of honor. I honestly considered not even going to the wedding.

Thank God she's out of that.

I wish I would have had good advice like this when she was going through all that.

WVU good luck with your friend. Hopefully you guys can fix the situation.