bigs/littles

cryingcarebear · #1 10-16-2007, 09:57 PM

so we're about 4 weeks into pledging now and the pledge master told me that I haven't been getting along with my little so he's going to give him another big halfway through his pledge process. can anyone else tell me how ridiculous this is?

instead of working out the problem, it has altogether been decided that it is better to alienate my relationship with a future brother rather than fixing it before his crossing. how could i be good enough to be his brother but not good enough to be his big. it just seems very absurd to me.

someone please tell me this is not normal in other fraternities and sororities.

KSUViolet06 · #2 10-16-2007, 10:01 PM

This isn't something my chapter has ever done. It doesn't seem like it solves a whole lot, just creates more problems. Have you tried discussing your frustration with the pledge master or talking to your little?

cryingcarebear · #3 10-16-2007, 10:09 PM

it was the pledge master who approached me and told me of this decision. i spoke with him about it and then he called up my little and discussed it with him. they still came to this new big decision together. so at this point, it is not that i care so much that i keep him as a little or not, it is the principle which bothers me. i've never heard of this kind of solution to a problem with a big and little. obviously i could never regard this guy with the same level of respect now should he cross.

Senusret I · #4 10-16-2007, 10:20 PM

In my APO chapter, it's the pledgemaster's discretion. A reassignment has only happened once in my memory, but it happens.

It sucks, but you will get over it -- it was most likely for the best.

MaryAmanda · #5 10-16-2007, 10:50 PM

We've never had this happen in my time in OPA or Coyote. In OPA, we've had girls that are bigs disassociate before their littles were initiated. In these cases, we have someone else who's close to the girl kind of informally "adopt" her and take over the duties of being her big, but officially, the disassociated girl will still be listed as her big forever.

AlwaysSAI · #6 10-16-2007, 10:59 PM

In SAI, if a big does not meet all of her duties (ie-spending time with her little, helping her learn info, showing her what SAI is all about, etc...) the little is assigned to another big for the remainder of her MIT period and the previous big loses big priveleges for the next semester. We have it in our bylaws. It actually happened to a girl in my plege class.

In Phi Sig, I've never seen it happen and I don't know if it's in the bylaws. There was one girl who requested a little every semester and then never did the job well. Then, it's up to the Initiate Advisor to decide if the brother will get another little.

adpiucf · #7 10-17-2007, 12:06 AM

It's not typical, and it doesn't happen unless the big is not doing his/her job to such a huge extent that the new member is about to drop out AND the pledgemaster feels strongly enough that it merits reassignment.

33girl · #8 10-17-2007, 10:11 AM

This is absolute bullshit. The pledgemaster should have sat down with the two of you and talked about it. It might have had the same ending, but to completely cut you out of it is disrespectful.

I think the pledgemaster should definitely have to answer to exec board or someone else - he's overstepping his bounds and being disrespectful to initiated members.

Completely unacceptable.

AOII Angel · #9 10-17-2007, 10:31 AM

It doesn't sound like you get much say in this situation. Whether or not you feel the same respect for these men after this incident, they are (or soon will be in the case of your little brother) your brothers. Unfortunately in life, things happen that seem unfair, but a person of character makes the best of these situations. Maybe you should ask the pledgemaster (in an interested not accusatory manner) why he felt it necessary to break this bond. It may be that the goals of the big/little relationship were not being met because of the differences between the two of you. Not everyone gets along well with everyone else. Don't make such a big deal over something that doesn't have to be a big deal.

SthrnZeta · #10 10-17-2007, 10:52 AM

My chapter had the same policy as MaryAmanda's. When I was an undergrad, the whole adopting policy pissed me off - your big is your big forever, you don't just choose a new once since you don't like the one you got. Me and my big weren't/aren't very close but she's the only big I'll ever have, none of that adopting crap. As for the OP's situation - I'd say if the little bro felt the same way, then let him go. Be the bigger man and continue to be an exemplory brother to all the brothers. It is ultimately the pledgemaster's decision I guess, but I think a sit-down talk would have been better and more respectful to you and probably would have made it so that you didn't feel so bad about this ultimate outcome because at least then you would have had a say. At the same time though, I can see how the little might have felt uncomfortable saying he wanted a new big right in front of you - you're supposed to be able to talk to your pledgemaster about this kind of stuff and not worry about other people hearing about it or getting hurt by it since it will have come from the pledgemaster.

AOII Angel · #11 10-17-2007, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

My chapter had the same policy as MaryAmanda's. When I was an undergrad, the whole adopting policy pissed me off - your big is your big forever, you don't just choose a new once since you don't like the one you got. Me and my big weren't/aren't very close but she's the only big I'll ever have, none of that adopting crap.

I completely agree with you on this. The big sis in the situation will often get hurt after putting a lot of time and money into the process. If you find someone in the chapter who you are closer to than your big, great! But...do they really need to be your "Big Sis?" The only exception I can think of would be what happened with my real sister. Her big sis graduated the semester after my sister was initiated. She loved her Big Sis, but she was "adopted" by another older sister who took over as a mentor in the chapter after her original sis went alum.

SthrnZeta · #12 10-17-2007, 11:37 AM

I graduated the same semester I took my second little - but I had an awesome first little who befriended her early on and they went on to win our chapter's Frick and Frack award after I graduated since they got to be so close. It made me feel a lot better about leaving so soon after she was initiated - I was told by the NM coordinator that they knew I was graduating but felt she would fit in really well with our family so I took her knowing that, besides the fact that I really liked her and was excited to be her big, even if it meant I'd be leaving soon.

SigKapAngel767 · #13 10-17-2007, 05:00 PM

I think it depends on the situation. I adopted my second little for a variety of reasons. Her big treated her so poorly and made her feel so unwelcome (on purpose) and she had tried to talk it out with her, with no success. She gave it enough time (meaning, she didn't just have one incident in a short amount of time. It was multiple incidents over the course of two semesters). Her entire family had nothing to do with her. She wanted to leave the sorority completely because they made her so uncomfortable. I went to my President and let her know that I was going to adopt her via candlelight, and if anyone came complaining to her to send them to me. Adopting her was one of the best decisions (as in the top 3) I have ever made, and I had no regrets. It actually turned out the chapter was very excited for both of us. I did what I thought was the sisterly thing to do (and more so because she was an amazing addition to my family).

I ask that no one attack me for posting this. And Yes, I know you are entitled to your opinions, but please be nice.

And CryingCarebear...don't worry...things happen for a reason, and one day you'll get an awesome lil' one

DGTess · #14 10-17-2007, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cryingcarebear

so we're about 4 weeks into pledging now and the pledge master told me that I haven't been getting along with my little so he's going to give him another big halfway through his pledge process. can anyone else tell me how ridiculous this is?

instead of working out the problem, it has altogether been decided that it is better to alienate my relationship with a future brother rather than fixing it before his crossing. how could i be good enough to be his brother but not good enough to be his big. it just seems very absurd to me.

someone please tell me this is not normal in other fraternities and sororities.

I've never heard of it.

This is NOT the way rational adults solve issues. Running or changing rather than discussing is not leadership. I hope your GLO doesn't pride itself on its leadership training.

#15 10-17-2007, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DGTess

I've never heard of it.

This is NOT the way rational adults solve issues. Running or changing rather than discussing is not leadership. I hope your GLO doesn't pride itself on its leadership training.

Oh for crying out loud!

So his GLO must have shitty leadership training, then? Based on what? The actions of one pledgemaster? Isn't it kind of ridiculous to criticize an entire GLO's leadership training because of this one guy?

How ironic, considering, in the other thread, you didn't think that entire UF fraternity should be punished based on the actions of a few members.