Alabama Sorority Costs...Can anyone help?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec;2168590
[SIZE=3

As for who I am talking about – obviously I cannot read every previous post on this forum, but did check enough to know that she is not a member of my GLO at Bama. It appears that she was affiliated with a sorority that had dwindled so that it eventually folded (while I was in school there, in fact). I do remember the little house on the stadium-side corner – those girls surely could have used help from committed alums.[/SIZE]

Maybe they could have also used help from the other sororities on campus not talking shit about them. (Which I'm assuming you did then since you're still doing it now.)

You really need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

I didn't think of it as a warning of anything. There's nothing bad to come, except maybe your embarrassment when you realize how far you are off about at lot of stuff in that comment.

If I have either the chapter or university wrong, then by all means correct my understanding.

Otherwise, I have responded to the behavior I witnessed on this thread, and what I observed regarding that chapter’s closure during my own time at UofA.

If this person is in a position of importance in her own organization, then she should be embarrassed, not I. I’m obviously not familiar with the culture of this forum, or with the meaning of foreboding insider comments regarding her identity, but who she is matters little. Bullying is bullying, and bystanders are bystanders, wherever it occurs.

Perhaps some who have been immersed in the culture of this forum have become desensitized to heckling and personal attacks, and don’t realize how this plays to newcomers and infrequent visitors.

And yes, I understand that pointing it out and advocating for the vulnerable party is not advisable in such a culture – it works much the same on a playground.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Maybe they could have also used help from the other sororities on campus not talking shit about them. (Which I'm assuming you did then since you're still doing it now.)

You really need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

That's possible, 33girl. I don't know what caused the chapter to dwindle and close, though they had apparently been struggling for some time.

I never witnessed a girl in that chapter being heckled, though if I had, I surely would have spoken up in her defense. I just stink at joining in and piling on with that sort of behavior.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

If I have either the chapter or university wrong, then by all means correct my understanding.

Otherwise, I have responded to the behavior I witnessed on this thread, and what I observed regarding that chapter’s closure during my own time at UofA.

If this person is in a position of importance in her own organization, then she should be embarrassed, not I. I’m obviously not familiar with the culture of this forum, or with the meaning of foreboding insider comments regarding her identity, but who she is matters little. Bullying is bullying, and bystanders are bystanders, wherever it occurs.

Perhaps some who have been immersed in the culture of this forum have become desensitized to heckling and personal attacks, and don’t realize how this plays to newcomers and infrequent visitors.

And yes, I understand that pointing it out and advocating for the vulnerable party is not advisable in such a culture – it works much the same on a playground.

No one is bullying you or anyone else here. Get real. After you assumed that Titchou was not involved with her sorority, it was pointed out to you that you have no idea what her involvement or her background is. Was she a little harsh with the OP? Yes, but it wasn't directed to you, and the OP actually handled herself quite well.

I hope it all works out for the OP's daughter.

And as far as this:

I never witnessed a girl in that chapter being heckled, though if I had, I surely would have spoken up in her defense. I just stink at joining in and piling on with that sort of behavior.

if you say so.

[Titchou]

Wow! And thank you 33Girl is all I have to say.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

No one is bullying you or anyone else here. Get real. After you assumed that Titchou was not involved with her sorority, it was pointed out to you that you have no idea what her involvement or her background is. Was she a little harsh with the OP? Yes, but it wasn't directed to you, and the OP actually handled herself quite well.

I hope it all works out for the OP's daughter.

And as far as this:



if you say so.

Oh I never said I was bullied. My comments concern the ridicule and personal attacks directed to the OP, who did handle herself quite well, and who did herself correctly identify the behavior as bullying.

Though I have been responding to the pile-on since.

I did state that the hard-working chapter advisors in T-town are busy with the constructive tasks surrounding recruitment instead of heckling parents online. And I also stated that I was speaking for my own chapter.

Apparently, however, that assumption doesn't extend to Titchou, and she finds time for both.

So you are correct, amIblue. It's just kind of an odd point to feel correct about.

[apmgm]

As a long-time lurker, I'm somewhat confused by the culture of this site and the prevalence of snarky responses posted by some of "the regulars."

I wonder if those same people are so frank when dealing face-to-face with friends/family members/co-workers/members of their own or other GLOs/etc?

Perhaps it's harder to bite one's tongue on greekchat's message boards than in real life?

[Titchou]

Every year we get some parent on here trying to figure out a way to keep the DD from pledging a more expensive group. There is just NO WAY to do that once recruitment has started. I'm sorry if they don't like it but that's reality. FIrst of all, the emotion gets in the way. And second of all, while it's a mutual selction process, you have to get an invitation in order to "select." So what happens if only the more expensive groups (and it's hard to know that no matter what) invite her back? And third, it's not fair to the groups if they have women that go thru the process and then drop when they find out their group is one of the ones above the average dues number the parents saw.

Sometimes reality is harsh. Most of us have experienced that in one way or another in our lives. But these types of parents need a dose of reality. They are trying to close the barn door after the horse has left. Other posters on here offered solutions - have the girl work a few hours a week or all summer to help pay the "overage" on the dues. But the OP didn't like those ideas. And she didn't offer any ideas of her own (like get a part time job herself or anything else or offer an explanation of why she couldn't) so I'm not all that synmpathetic towards her. I am towards the daughter. And yes, I am this frank in person. And I have said these same things to a real live personal friend of mine in the past when her daughter went thru. I generally find that being honest when someone asks my opinion is the best option.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by apmgm

As a long-time lurker, I'm somewhat confused by the culture of this site and the prevalence of snarky responses posted by some of "the regulars."

I wonder if those same people are so frank when dealing face-to-face with friends/family members/co-workers/members of their own or other GLOs/etc?

Perhaps it's harder to bite one's tongue on greekchat's message boards than in real life?

I'm a long-time lurker too -- usually confined to this time of year. I have found useful information in the stickied posts and appreciate the links to published bid lists, etc.

But I've actually never seen a forum culture where even a moderator joins in the heckling and uses vulgar language. I thought that was what a moderator was responsible for preventing. #classy

Perhaps they don't realize that this kind of behavior just perpetuates stereotypes about greek organizations.

Being frank is not the same as ridiculing a mother and launching personal attacks directed toward her parenting. I guess doing so from behind anonymous screen names enhances the boldness of some.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Please keep in mind that I was speaking for my own chapter (as I noted). I would be embarrassed if one of our chapter advisors, for instance, represented us publicly in such a mean-spirited manner, even if via a seemingly anonymous screenname. This is just my opinion, of course.

As for who I am talking about – obviously I cannot read every previous post on this forum, but did check enough to know that she is not a member of my GLO at Bama. It appears that she was affiliated with a sorority that had dwindled so that it eventually folded (while I was in school there, in fact). I do remember the little house on the stadium-side corner – those girls surely could have used help from committed alums.

If she is active in the re-colonization of her chapter, or in other positions of importance within her GLO, then that’s lovely. Still, I can completely understand jll’s sentiment, considering the hurtful manner in which she was treated.

I think I may have a little insight on the behavior now, at least -- but thanks for the warning.

Honestly, you're over blowing the whole situation. Talk about drama queen. I don't agree with Titchou's statements on parenting, but a whole bunch of posters came to the OP's defense about that. Titchou has a right to her opinion...who knows, she may be a middle child who got treated differently by her parents and is sensitive to it. As adults, we can IGNORE opinions we don't like and move on. As for you pretending to be above the fray, your post about her group closing when you were at Bama was as catty a comment as any I've seen in my 5 years on GC, and by the way really perpetuates those evil Greek stereotypes. So keep on #classy-ing all you want...

In the end, I feel for the OP and the position she's in, BUT Titchou and 33Girl are right, there isn't much she can do but ride it out and pay the dues she's assessed or drop out. There just isn't that much control, unfortunately, in the system.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by apmgm

As a long-time lurker, I'm somewhat confused by the culture of this site and the prevalence of snarky responses posted by some of "the regulars."

I wonder if those same people are so frank when dealing face-to-face with friends/family members/co-workers/members of their own or other GLOs/etc?

Perhaps it's harder to bite one's tongue on greekchat's message boards than in real life?

A lot of it has to do with the fact that most of the "regulars" have been on here for at least a few recruitments, and the same questions come up over and over and over. (This is one, as well as the timeless "black girl in an NPC" discussion.) Some of us get kind of annoyed by it and some people express their annoyance in different ways.

I'm having a hard time understanding why an UNDERGRADUATE major would try to prevent students from working. Architecture is as ridiculous as any major (there's a reason why they call it "architorture") and none of the schools that I've been allied with have ever tried to prevent students from working because some kids need to do so. Usually, if work is discouraged, they'll make up for it with a scholarship or a stipend.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by apmgm

As a long-time lurker, I'm somewhat confused by the culture of this site and the prevalence of snarky responses posted by some of "the regulars."

I wonder if those same people are so frank when dealing face-to-face with friends/family members/co-workers/members of their own or other GLOs/etc?

Perhaps it's harder to bite one's tongue on greekchat's message boards than in real life?

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

I'm a long-time lurker too -- usually confined to this time of year. I have found useful information in the stickied posts and appreciate the links to published bid lists, etc.

But I've actually never seen a forum culture where even a moderator joins in the heckling and uses vulgar language. I thought that was what a moderator was responsible for preventing. #classy

Perhaps they don't realize that this kind of behavior just perpetuates stereotypes about greek organizations.

Being frank is not the same as ridiculing a mother and launching personal attacks directed toward her parenting. I guess doing so from behind anonymous screen names enhances the boldness of some.

Long time lurkers who don't like the culture on GC are free to not visit us here. Quite honestly, if you were long time lurkers, you'd already know what posters have told you.

[apmgm]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Long time lurkers who don't like the culture on GC are free to not visit us here. Quite honestly, if you were long time lurkers, you'd already know what posters have told you.

For clarification, I'm not the parent of a current snowflake; my own two lovely snowflakes long ago navigated sec recruitment as did I back in the day.

I do enjoy keeping up with where the girls from my hometown pledge, and greekchat.com is an interesting diversion this time of year. Nevertheless, each year, I'm discover at least one thread that's "gone south" with regulars attacking a parent who has posted seeking advice. Now granted, the poster is often unrealistic in his or her expectations, but people often are. In real life, it seems that most of us handle such situations (when we know someone is misguided and has asked for advice) with a great deal more patience and tact than I've seen here.

The NPC and IFC organizations on many SEC campuses still have a reputation of snobbiness and within the systems, some chapters are known as the worst. I believe most of us who have been a part of this community wish this was not our reputation. Unfortunately when we present ourselves (as many on this board do) as authorities on the system and act snarkily to anyone (even each other,) we perpetuate this unfortunate reputation.

Would it be too much to ask that we perhaps remember our panhellenic - and human - spirit?


*As a sidenote, the term "snwoflake" really makes me bristle. Why should a parent NOT think his or her child is special and wonderful?? If you're about to take offense, please go back and re-read the part about unrealistic parents.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I'm having a hard time understanding why an UNDERGRADUATE major would try to prevent students from working. Architecture is as ridiculous as any major (there's a reason why they call it "architorture") and none of the schools that I've been allied with have ever tried to prevent students from working because some kids need to do so. Usually, if work is discouraged, they'll make up for it with a scholarship or a stipend.

Without knowing the OP's daughter's major, I'm guessing that holding a job is discouraged because the undergraduate degree is just the first step and grades are paramount to move forward and be accepted to a graduate program.

That being said, I find these work restrictions ridiculous because there is no such restriction for campus activities. I think my sorority involvement was way more intensive than any job I held off campus while I was a full time undergrad.

I think it is great to come from a family where parents pay for college and living expenses and sorority expenses. I didn't have that. I have student loans (and thanks to grad school I will probably have them until I die LOL) and I worked my way through undergrad to pay for living expenses, sorority dues, etc. If I wanted something, I had to pay for it. So I feel like if you want to be in a sorority and your major discourages holding a job, there are ways. You can have a summer job. You can babysit on weekends. You can get a paid internship. You can tutor. You can sell stuff on Ebay or etsy. You can work at any number of campus jobs where all you do is surf the internet and occasionally answer a phone or look up from gchatting to give someone directions.

OP is in a frustrating position, but by her accounts, she has a smart kid. And if her kid wants to make this work, I am sure she will be resourceful and find a way. I wish them both lots of luck and hope the daughter has a great experience at UA.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by apmgm

For clarification, I'm not the parent of a current snowflake; my own two lovely snowflakes long ago navigated sec recruitment as did I back in the day.

I do enjoy keeping up with where the girls from my hometown pledge, and greekchat.com is an interesting diversion this time of year. Nevertheless, each year, I'm discover at least one thread that's "gone south" with regulars attacking a parent who has posted seeking advice. Now granted, the poster is often unrealistic in his or her expectations, but people often are. In real life, it seems that most of us handle such situations (when we know someone is misguided and has asked for advice) with a great deal more patience and tact than I've seen here.

The NPC and IFC organizations on many SEC campuses still have a reputation of snobbiness and within the systems, some chapters are known as the worst. I believe most of us who have been a part of this community wish this was not our reputation. Unfortunately when we present ourselves (as many on this board do) as authorities on the system and act snarkily to anyone (even each other,) we perpetuate this unfortunate reputation.

Would it be too much to ask that we perhaps remember our panhellenic - and human - spirit?


*As a sidenote, the term "snwoflake" really makes me bristle. Why should a parent NOT think his or her child is special and wonderful?? If you're about to take offense, please go back and re-read the part about unrealistic parents.

Have you actually visited any non-Greek parenting boards or news posting boards? This is one of the most civil and helpful boards around. People are snarky. Being Greek doesn't remove that trait. Parents are some of the most judgmental people out there...God forbid you bring up breast feeding and everyone is an expert. Disagreements and differing opinions are okay and don't give Greeks a bad name. We aren't automatons or clones. Sometimes people get their feathers ruffled because they expect every single poster to validate their opinion or pat them on the head, but that's not life...and maybe they need to see the other side of the issue. If they don't accept that opinion, then move on. It's just the opinion of an anonymous person on a message board anyway. Do you really need Titchou to validate your decisions as a parent?