What defines a helicopter parent?

[33girl]

OMG. Speaking of Facebook. This isn't "helicoptering" per se, but it just makes my skin crawl. Parents posting REALLY embarassing or unflattering pics of their kids. I don't mean prom pics that the kids will be saying in 20 years "why the hell did I wear that?" For example, one of my HS friends posted pictures of her daughter laying in her bed at the hospital while she was ill!! Needless to say she looked like hell. Some other parents have posted similar things. Don't they realize these will be on the internet for all time? I mean, I would be MORTIFIED if my mother even took such a picture, let alone showed it to 300 of her closest friends.

This makes me think that the parents have a problem separating themselves - like they just think of the child as an extension of themself, not as an individual person.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

A few months ago, someone I know posted a very public diatribe (on Facebook) about some "mean girls" who were teasing her 14-year old daughter. Her daughter was on a bus riding to an "away" sports event, and a few of the other girls were making fun of her. Her daughter's friend, who had been sitting next to her, got up from her seat and sat with the "mean girls". Her daughter started to cry on bus and sat by herself on the way home.

The mother tells the story, and finished with "THESE GIRLS BETTER WATCH THEIR BACKS!! They have pissed off a mama bear!!! I HATE GIRLS LIKE THAT!!"

Now, I don't have tolerance for bullying, and I hate to see any kid ostracized and made fun of, but really? Do you think that this is going to help your kid?

To make matters worse, more then ten other people commented in similar fashion "Nobody better bother -----", "I'll come and teach those kids a lesson", and "what are their dads' names? I happen to know a guy that would be happy to pay their dads a little visit!!!

FWAP! FWAP! indeed!

This sounds like a Lifetime Movie in the making.. based on a true story. Very scary.

[Splash]

I answered yes to almost all of them as a "what I would do as a parent". It told me to re-evaluate my role. As soon, as I put no for contacting teachers, etc. but kept all else the same, it said I was good. Most of these things are not bad, if the child is involved too. Help is not helicoptering. Doing it for you, is.

[alum]

I took the quiz as well.

"Stay the Course: Your level of involvement seems to indicate a good balance between your child's responsibilities and decisions, and your advice and guidance."

[awkward1]

Oh No!! I need to get more involved! It says my child could benefit from me talking to their high school college counselor. Ummm, about what? My kids pretty much have it under control.
Dang, I can't win....

[preciousjeni]

LOL! I don't have kids but I answered based on how I am now.

Get More Involved: The level and nature of your involvement suggest that your child might benefit from more assistance. Consider being more proactive and seeking guidance or help from the college counselors in your child's high school.

So, I'm already a bad mother and haven't even started yet.

[AGDee]

Stay the Course: Your level of involvement seems to indicate a good balance between your child's responsibilities and decisions, and your advice and guidance

[33girl]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

LOL! I don't have kids but I answered based on how I am now.

Get More Involved: The level and nature of your involvement suggest that your child might benefit from more assistance. Consider being more proactive and seeking guidance or help from the college counselors in your child's high school.

So, I'm already a bad mother and haven't even started yet.

I took the quiz for Mom33 (as in, checked off the things she did or didn't do). She got the same result.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I took the quiz for Mom33 (as in, checked off the things she did or didn't do). She got the same result.

I got the same result based on how I intend to treat my children; however, I took the quiz for MommyCG and she got "Reconsider Your Involvement." I already knew I had a heli-mom in high school (and some of college) but she's much better now.

[alum]

Thought this would amuse all the parents of older offspring:
----
The Cat Years

I just realized that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate - teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts it's head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.

Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away. Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.

One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you." Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again.

[Army Wife'79]

OMG Alum, this is so true. I want the puppies back. My two "cats" sure do turn into puppies when they are sick tho and want the Mommy back into the picture (virtually since they were both far away at school).

[srmom]

That's great alum!!

[FSUZeta]

i enjoyed the quiz, but am a little skeptical of my score. it said that i should have been more involved. luckily, despite my apparent negligence, both children got into the college of their choice and are doing well.

[srmom]

Maybe it's because of your negligence that they are self sufficient and able to attain their goals on their own!!

I have gotten more and more hands off with each kid and somehow, amazingly , they've all turned out fine, even the caboose, who is pretty much on his own.

[ComradesTrue]

Shocker. All those heli-moms with Special Snowflakes are now showing up in the workplace:

Helicopter Parents Hover in the Workplace: NPR

This is just unbelievable to me. These poor kids are not getting the opportunity to grow, develop, and learn to initiate and make critical decisions for themselves. Now they are college graduates and they have not developed the most basic of skills needed to survive in the workplace and independently.

Parents: you are doing much more harm than good. Seriously. My kid wanted a prize for a fundraiser (Jump Rope for Heart) that his school is doing. He asked me to write a check in the amount needed- $125- to get the prize. I told him no way. If he wanted the prize, he would need to call relatives and some close family friends and describe the fundraising activity, where the money was going, and politely ask if they would consider a donation. I didn't even dial the phone for him. Guess what? With the neighbors $5 donation today he stands at $126 and not one penny is mine. And oh, yeah. He is 5.

Learning to navigate life, life that may even include occasional failure, is the best gift that you can give a child.