What defines a helicopter parent?

[KSUViolet06]

I really don't think you stepped over any sort of line.

Now if you had called the cops and initiated a statewide manhunt for her, that would've been a bit much.

But there is a difference between a worried mom and a helicopter mom.

A helicopter mom would have called the Residence Life Office and given them an earful about "being safe" or how they should "provide dorm phones to students."

[alum]

Sometimes new freshmen get so wrapped up in their lives that they forget to call home or even answer their cells. There is an unwritten rule about letting your freshman being the one to initiate all phone calls for the first month or so. When they want to talk, they will call. Otherwise, let them do their thing without them feeling they need to check in on a daily basis.

[Army Wife'79]

I told mine to call every Sunday. I was trying real hard to cut the apron strings b/c that's what the books all said to do, but in retrospect, I was/am jealous of the mom's who talked to their kids daily. I admit I did/do hover on the computer to catch them online so I could IM them.
Belle, you aren't a heli mom. With daughters, there is that whole safety aspect and running around in your brain is always the "date rape drugs" etc. to worry about. I bought mine a tiny personal alarm (very loud) for night walks on campus but she laughed and said she'd never carry it. grrrrr. H used his "Commander" voice (stern) and told her to carry it so I think she does now.

[srmom]

Belle, don't worry about that, all moms have the panic response when they don't answer. I have a couple of instances where I have done the "all night" didn't answer the text thing. It starts as an innocent call, then when no answer after repeated calls, I spiral into the planning the funeral thing

When my oldest was home for Xmas his freshman year, he didn't come home one night. I paced the floors, calling and calling his cell phone. I was never so happy in my life when I got a call around 4:30 that started like this - "You have a collect call from inmate (and then in his meek voice) - name inserted - if you choose to accept....." He had gotten an MIP and was in jail. I was SOOOOO happy he was in jail and not a hospital or in a ditch somewhere!!!

We moms are allowed to worry!!

[SWTXBelle]

Thanks, y'all.

I needed to coordinate with her about getting the parking permit taken care of, so she SHOULD have been expecting my call . . . and yes, the safety issue is always on my mind. She has her mace, her door jam, her personal alarm, and bag alarm - but even better, she's now running with a crowd of guys most of the time - her own bodyguards! ( Yes, she's been drilled in the whole "avoiding date rape/drugging" thing. She is under orders to use the Bobcat Bobbies escort service when flitting about campus at night.)

[BabyPiNK_FL]

I would say that these parents are AMAZING EXAMPLES!

http://www.time.com/time/picturesoft...760625,00.html

[WCsweet<3]

I know this is going back a little ways, but I understand why, when you are eight years old, everyone on your soccer/basketball/t-ball/sport gets a trophy. The thing that has always bothered me is that my high school did the same thing with student council. After my freshman year, there were no elections or positions held for student council. You had to fill out an application and have a petition signed by the teachers. It usually wasn't a popularity contest as the "popular" kids were often not interested. This was started as someone's darling daughter was not elected by the body her freshman year. (my class) Few of us knew her and she only talked to her friends from middle school. Her mom called the principal, the vice principal of student life and the vice principal of academics to complain that her daughter was unfairly treated and that the system had to be changed. Helicopter much?

[MSKKG]

This is one place where it starts though. I can understand getting a certificate of participation, but trophies should go to the champions and runners-up. It waters down accomplishment for everyone to be rewarded.

[Xidelt]

Every parent I have a conference with is a helicopter parent.

[Nanners52674]

So I have not finished reading the whole thread but my main comment is about the everyone gets a trophy thing and how its such bs. . . My sophomore year of high school our boys soccer team made it to the state championship and the regulation game ended in a tie. Instead of going to penalty kicks they just ended it and both teams were co-champions. . . The general feeling of the guys on the team that season was that being a co-champion was worse than not being champion at all. . . Apparently there were no penalty kicks because gosh for bid the goalie missed a kick and his team lost and that goalie went off and killed himself because he lost the game. . . (I wish that was an exaggeration but that was the reason we were given for no penalty kicks)

[NUBlue&Blue]

Originally Posted by srmom

Belle, don't worry about that, all moms have the panic response when they don't answer. I have a couple of instances where I have done the "all night" didn't answer the text thing. It starts as an innocent call, then when no answer after repeated calls, I spiral into the planning the funeral thing

We moms are allowed to worry!!

This makes me laugh, because I am the same way. It's funny, though, that I've become more lax with each kid. Oldest had to call when she arrived somewhere and left to come home when she first started driving and she still does it when she's staying here. Second was told to call but kept forgetting. Third one just turned 16 and he just disappears half the time. Who knows what will happen to the youngest. We may not even notice if he's gone.

Everyone was home this summer for the first time since oldest went to college, and I have to say that there is a peaceful feeling when you go to bed and you know everyone is safe at home. I think like most people, there are some things where I probably get too involved, but generally I did my school duty but was never one of those moms who was always at school. I wanted them to feel like school was their place, not mine. Then when you do come and help with a party, have lunch with them on their birthday or go on a field trip it's a special thing. Some people ate lunch with their kids every single day when my kids were in elementary school.

The real out of control parents are the ones who undermine other kids to make sure that their precious is always number one. In our life it's baseball dads...we know more than a few who are toxic.

[awkward1]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I'm perfectly happy that my daughter is majoring in philosophy. Hey, I prefer the liberal arts - I figure that if my children learn to think and communicate, they can do almost anything they want.

That said, I am worried that I may have stepped over the helicopter line. But maybe not. Basically, my daughter hadn't replied to a text or a call for HOURS - and since this child keeps her cell phone on her at all times, I worried. And worried. And finally called the dorm, asking for then to just check on her, and tell her to call home.

Thank God, she had simply forgotten her phone. She is supposed to have a land line phone in her room, but hasn't gotten it yet. In my defense, I told her hey, I didn't call the POLICE.

I am right there with you. My daughter keeps her cell on her 24/7 and I expect that if I do text or whatever she will promptly answer because she always has. NOT that I am texting/calling everyday or evening, but when I do I assume that we will be able to have communication rather quickly. So one night I get a text from her and she is at a bar drinking. She had become separated from her friends and just thought she would send dear old mom a drunk text while she looked for her friends. Well, the anxiety meter started rising and I couldn't get back to sleep. So I text her back about 15 minutes later worried about how she was going to get home etc. She doesn't text me back....Anxiety meter surges upwards! I know that my daughter is drinking, she is alone, and drunk enough to want to text mom for no reason so I'm thinking her judgment is pretty obliterated at this point. My mind started racing, my heart started pounding, and my mind was creating worst case scenarios. I was absolutely heartsick and distraught for the next hour until I heard back from her and she was safe and sound in her apartment. At this point there was no hope of going to sleep so I baked some muffins instead....all because I got no response to a text message! The worrying never ends....

[33girl]

Originally Posted by awkward1

So one night I get a text from her and she is at a bar drinking. She had become separated from her friends and just thought she would send dear old mom a drunk text while she looked for her friends.

See, this is what absolutely slays me about this generation. Even if we had cell phones in my college days and even if I had consumed the equivalent of an entire brewery, I don't think I would EVER be sloshed enough to send my dad a drunk text. That concept is beyond baffling!!! The most I ever did was after college when I moved back home, I called them to let them know I was staying with a girlfriend - who was actually a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure they knew this, but were fine with me not saying so (preferred it, I'm sure).

This was in the paper yesterday and I thought it was really pertinent.

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pitt.../s_588337.html

[awkward1]

Originally Posted by 33girl

See, this is what absolutely slays me about this generation. Even if we had cell phones in my college days and even if I had consumed the equivalent of an entire brewery, I don't think I would EVER be sloshed enough to send my dad a drunk text. That concept is beyond baffling!!! The most I ever did was after college when I moved back home, I called them to let them know I was staying with a girlfriend - who was actually a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure they knew this, but were fine with me not saying so (preferred it, I'm sure).

This was in the paper yesterday and I thought it was really pertinent.

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pitt.../s_588337.html

Well, this response came quicker than I anticipated but I did anticipate it. I would never go so far as describing my relationship with my daughter as best friends or close friends. However, we are very close as far as mother/daughter relationships go. I enjoy the fact that she actually enjoys spending time with me and is interested in what I am doing and loves to share parts of her life with me. When she comes home for holidays she makes it a point to spend most of her time with her family, and not to be one of those kids who is home but never home. Is there something wrong with a parent and child enjoying each others company? So she sent me a text..big deal. This does not make her a co-dependent latent adolescent. The point was that one little text turned into an hour of anxiety and a night of muffin baking all because I, like most parents probably, started to imagine the worst case scenario when I didn't hear from her. I understand that you aren't able to talk with your parents about your private life, I'm the same way with my parents. The thing is, I always wished that I was able to talk with my parents about things that I was doing, things that were bothering me, or choices that I was faced with. While you may look at it as a way that it grew your independence, I always took it as more indifference to me and my life and that is why I never would have texted my parents, I just didn't think they cared enough.

[SydneyK]

I just got off the phone with a parent of one of my students (college student, mind you). She's upset because her son cannot get a job because he doesn't yet have his degree. And he doesn't yet have his degree because I won't change his grade.

Of course, her little angel won't approach me about this because he knows I won't change his grade (because he didn't do the work). But, he's convinved Mommy that I'm a big fat meanie who enjoys preventing college students from graduating.

Thank God for FERPA. And thank goodness my department chair is not phased by heli-parents.

While this clearly isn't a definition of a heliparent, I'd say she's a pretty good example of one.