What defines a helicopter parent?

[SWTXBelle]

I'm perfectly happy that my daughter is majoring in philosophy. Hey, I prefer the liberal arts - I figure that if my children learn to think and communicate, they can do almost anything they want.

That said, I am worried that I may have stepped over the helicopter line. But maybe not. Basically, my daughter hadn't replied to a text or a call for HOURS - and since this child keeps her cell phone on her at all times, I worried. And worried. And finally called the dorm, asking for then to just check on her, and tell her to call home.

Thank God, she had simply forgotten her phone. She is supposed to have a land line phone in her room, but hasn't gotten it yet. In my defense, I told her hey, I didn't call the POLICE.

I'm new to all this - and at least, I tell myself, I questioned whether or not I was going too far, and have a sense of humor. Right? Right?

[KSUViolet06]

I really don't think you stepped over any sort of line.

Now if you had called the cops and initiated a statewide manhunt for her, that would've been a bit much.

But there is a difference between a worried mom and a helicopter mom.

A helicopter mom would have called the Residence Life Office and given them an earful about "being safe" or how they should "provide dorm phones to students."

[awkward1]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I'm perfectly happy that my daughter is majoring in philosophy. Hey, I prefer the liberal arts - I figure that if my children learn to think and communicate, they can do almost anything they want.

That said, I am worried that I may have stepped over the helicopter line. But maybe not. Basically, my daughter hadn't replied to a text or a call for HOURS - and since this child keeps her cell phone on her at all times, I worried. And worried. And finally called the dorm, asking for then to just check on her, and tell her to call home.

Thank God, she had simply forgotten her phone. She is supposed to have a land line phone in her room, but hasn't gotten it yet. In my defense, I told her hey, I didn't call the POLICE.

I am right there with you. My daughter keeps her cell on her 24/7 and I expect that if I do text or whatever she will promptly answer because she always has. NOT that I am texting/calling everyday or evening, but when I do I assume that we will be able to have communication rather quickly. So one night I get a text from her and she is at a bar drinking. She had become separated from her friends and just thought she would send dear old mom a drunk text while she looked for her friends. Well, the anxiety meter started rising and I couldn't get back to sleep. So I text her back about 15 minutes later worried about how she was going to get home etc. She doesn't text me back....Anxiety meter surges upwards! I know that my daughter is drinking, she is alone, and drunk enough to want to text mom for no reason so I'm thinking her judgment is pretty obliterated at this point. My mind started racing, my heart started pounding, and my mind was creating worst case scenarios. I was absolutely heartsick and distraught for the next hour until I heard back from her and she was safe and sound in her apartment. At this point there was no hope of going to sleep so I baked some muffins instead....all because I got no response to a text message! The worrying never ends....

[33girl]

Originally Posted by awkward1

So one night I get a text from her and she is at a bar drinking. She had become separated from her friends and just thought she would send dear old mom a drunk text while she looked for her friends.

See, this is what absolutely slays me about this generation. Even if we had cell phones in my college days and even if I had consumed the equivalent of an entire brewery, I don't think I would EVER be sloshed enough to send my dad a drunk text. That concept is beyond baffling!!! The most I ever did was after college when I moved back home, I called them to let them know I was staying with a girlfriend - who was actually a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure they knew this, but were fine with me not saying so (preferred it, I'm sure).

This was in the paper yesterday and I thought it was really pertinent.

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pitt.../s_588337.html

[awkward1]

Originally Posted by 33girl

See, this is what absolutely slays me about this generation. Even if we had cell phones in my college days and even if I had consumed the equivalent of an entire brewery, I don't think I would EVER be sloshed enough to send my dad a drunk text. That concept is beyond baffling!!! The most I ever did was after college when I moved back home, I called them to let them know I was staying with a girlfriend - who was actually a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure they knew this, but were fine with me not saying so (preferred it, I'm sure).

This was in the paper yesterday and I thought it was really pertinent.

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pitt.../s_588337.html

Well, this response came quicker than I anticipated but I did anticipate it. I would never go so far as describing my relationship with my daughter as best friends or close friends. However, we are very close as far as mother/daughter relationships go. I enjoy the fact that she actually enjoys spending time with me and is interested in what I am doing and loves to share parts of her life with me. When she comes home for holidays she makes it a point to spend most of her time with her family, and not to be one of those kids who is home but never home. Is there something wrong with a parent and child enjoying each others company? So she sent me a text..big deal. This does not make her a co-dependent latent adolescent. The point was that one little text turned into an hour of anxiety and a night of muffin baking all because I, like most parents probably, started to imagine the worst case scenario when I didn't hear from her. I understand that you aren't able to talk with your parents about your private life, I'm the same way with my parents. The thing is, I always wished that I was able to talk with my parents about things that I was doing, things that were bothering me, or choices that I was faced with. While you may look at it as a way that it grew your independence, I always took it as more indifference to me and my life and that is why I never would have texted my parents, I just didn't think they cared enough.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by awkward1

So she sent me a text..big deal. This does not make her a co-dependent latent adolescent.

I didn't mean the article was pertinent to YOUR SITUATION PERSONALLY....I meant it was pertinent to the thread in general. Sorry you misinterpreted.

I knew darned well my parents weren't indifferent. I just continue to be amazed at the degree of involvement parents today have in their kids' social lives - things like drinking and sex, that is - with the kids themselves initiating much of it. There were always parents like this, but nowadays it seems the rule rather than the exception. I'm not saying it's good or bad - it just is very, very odd to me, the same way television was very, very odd to 80 year olds in 1950.

[awkward1]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I didn't mean the article was pertinent to YOUR SITUATION PERSONALLY....I meant it was pertinent to the thread in general. Sorry you misinterpreted.

I knew darned well my parents weren't indifferent. I just continue to be amazed at the degree of involvement parents today have in their kids' social lives - things like drinking and sex, that is - with the kids themselves initiating much of it. There were always parents like this, but nowadays it seems the rule rather than the exception. I'm not saying it's good or bad - it just is very, very odd to me, the same way television was very, very odd to 80 year olds in 1950.

Gotcha!

I have no idea why my kids feel like they can open up to me about private matters..I have no parenting ideology to share and I don't think that it is something that I cultivated intentionally. My feeling is that sex is so pervasive in the media that teens do not feel that it is a taboo or awkward subject like it used to be when I was growing up. I think that I feel more awkward talking about it than they do! And I have another hunch that I am going to put out there: kids lives are far more an open book than they used to be in the days before the internet, AIM, and Facebook. With all of this comes the ability for gossip, lies and secrets to be exposed and spread with lightning speed. Did you ever have a good friend betray you somehow via AIM? Ouch. IMHO parents provide a stable force that kids can count on, always there, always loving no matter what. I did some stupid things when I was a teen and in college but they weren't blasted all over the internet via Facebook pictures or heaven forbid Juicy Campus. Perhaps kids talk with their parents more now about personal matters because they know it won't be spread via AIM or other means. Am I making any sense or just rambling....I have a cold and I feel like I may be rambling

[agzg]

Originally Posted by awkward1

Perhaps kids talk with their parents more now about personal matters because they know it won't be spread via AIM or other means.

Exactly. My mom knew more of my secrets than my very best friends that were my age - just because I knew she'd never tell another living soul (not even my dad!).