North vs South

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

If I answered "excuse me" to someone I didn't hear, that would be considered being sarcastic or being a bitch.

If I answered "yes ma'am/sir" to my parents, that would be considered as being sarcastic or bitchy.

I"ve found that if you call someone ma'am, sir, miss, etc they take it as someone being condescending towards them. There were these two girls in a restaurant the other day and they were calling the cooks (Mongolian BBQ) sweety and honey. It made me cringe until I realized they had southern accents.

I like being able to be myself around people and not having to worry if I used the wrong fork or if I should have called someone ma'am or miss or Ms.

I agree that it's all contextual. I just don't believe that the Southern vs. Northern culture sets the context the way a lot of people assume that it does.

Much of this also has to do with tone, intonation, and how people learn how to interpret things.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by shinerbock

Just because there are rude people everywhere doesn't mean there isn't a regional difference.

"Regional difference in what" is the question.

If we're talking about different cultures that make politeness, crassness, and rudeness vary in delivery and interpretation, I agree. If we're talking about Southern culture being generally more polite than Northern culture, I strongly disagree.

[shinerbock]

I think in everyday activities, portions of the north are much more abrasive than the rest of the country. Not saying there aren't rude people in the south, but in my experience people generally act more pleasant to strangers here. Of course, it depends on interpretation, many northern people I would consider to be harsh sounding or rude probably would deny they come off as such.

[AXO Alum]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Your siggy is dizzying. Can my quote be put on a wait list?

Yes, you can go on a waiting list... but you see, all those quotes in my siggy represent an important part of my life. Like my hair transplants - I am still waiting, and thanks to the snobs of GC, I have not yet had a referral for any of their salons. But I don't want to take it out, lest GC think I have given up on my journey to fulfill a lifetime dream.

I'll go see what I can part with so I can add your words of wisdom to it...

[alum]

There may be some Northerners who don't know how to raise their children to behave in public, but that certainly isn't representative of all residents above the M-D line. We also enroll our children in cotillion and etiquette classes to reinforce what they learn at home. I grew up in the North but lived with Southerners for the majority of my adult life thanks to GEN Alum.

That being said, in terms of a default, I never would have allowed my kids to call my friends Miss Cathy and Miss Ashley as opposed to Mrs. Smith and Mrs Jones. To me, calling an adult by the first name even with a Miss or Mr. added, is the height of rudeness. However, if one of my Southern friends specifically asked to be called Miss Firstname instead Mrs. Surname, then I would have allowed my children to do so.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by alum

There may be some Northerners who don't know how to raise their children to behave in public, but that certainly isn't representative of all residents above the M-D line. We also enroll our children in cotillion and etiquette classes to reinforce what they learn at home. I grew up in the North but lived with Southerners for the majority of my adult life thanks to GEN Alum.

That being said, in terms of a default, I never would have allowed my kids to call my friends Miss Cathy and Miss Ashley as opposed to Mrs. Smith and Mrs Jones. To me, calling an adult by the first name even with a Miss or Mr. added, is the height of rudeness. However, if one of my Southern friends specifically asked to be called Miss Firstname instead Mrs. Surname, then I would have allowed my children to do so.

Yep, I was raised to call people Mrs. Smith, not Miss firstname, but the Miss Firstname can be perfect. When I was in college, I worked with people with various ages; generally, we called people by their first names, but with southern ladies of a mature age, calling them Miss Firstname seemed perfect. It seemed respectful and yet not as formal as Mrs. Lastname would have seemed.

ETA: is the Miss Firstname thing even regional within the South? Is it more common in certain places than others?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by AXO Alum

Yes, you can go on a waiting list... but you see, all those quotes in my siggy represent an important part of my life. Like my hair transplants - I am still waiting, and thanks to the snobs of GC, I have not yet had a referral for any of their salons. But I don't want to take it out, lest GC think I have given up on my journey to fulfill a lifetime dream.

I'll go see what I can part with so I can add your words of wisdom to it...

LOL...you're a trouble maker. Maybe I shouldn't be in your siggy.

[PhoenixAzul]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

Yep, I was raised to call people Mrs. Smith, not Miss firstname, but the Miss Firstname can be perfect. When I was in college, I worked with people with various ages; generally, we called people by their first names, but with southern ladies of a mature age, calling them Miss Firstname seemed perfect. It seemed respectful and yet not as formal as Mrs. Lastname would have seemed.

I tell the kids I teach in camp or swim lessons to call me either Ms. Lastname or Tracey. I'm not that much older than all of them. I really hate being called Miss Lifeguard though...aaauugh! Firstname or Miss Lastname is fine with me, but Miss Tracey for some reason does my head in .

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

I tell the kids I teach in camp or swim lessons to call me either Ms. Lastname or Tracey. I'm not that much older than all of them. I really hate being called Miss Lifeguard though...aaauugh! Firstname or Miss Lastname is fine with me, but Miss Tracey for some reason does my head in .

In my example, the age difference was about thirty or so years. It seemed rude to only call them by first name, and yet the cultural of the place was so informal.

I think there's also a Southern trend to call everyone Aunt, Uncle or Cousin and then first name, even when it's like a second cousin, great aunt etc.

I keep thinking more about this. Why is it only women who get this treatment, usually? Because they're the one's working with kids?

[lillady85]

Ah! I totally agree with the strong handshake suggestion. I know I used to have a wimpy handshake thinking it was more ladylike, but now as I got older I came to see that if I want to be taken as a lady AND serious (not that it can't be done at the same time) I'd need to show some assertiveness in my handshake. I don't think there is a definite difference in between North and south as far as manners go, but there is a point where you wonder, why are these people being so rude (I know I felt that way in NY, no offense)?

end of drunken rambling after not drinking out of a bottle but out of a glass, lol.

[Stef the Pef]

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

my question..for those of you who are transplanted either from the north to the south or vice versa do find a difference in "manners" or is my friend the exception from most northern women???

Haha...my mom's co-workers in Washington were pretty much the spitting image of the lady you described, but then again, she worked in a clinic and those same co-workers could probably rattle off the biological processes behind said loud noxious fumes in a second.

They're a lot more relaxed about what's okay and what's not...personally, I kind of like being a little more uptight about those kinds of things. Kept me out of a lot of trouble.

And yes, southerners (at least as far as TX vs. WA goes) are a LOT nicer to strangers. Found that out the hard way when I switched to a school in WA late in the year...no friends for like, a month. Gotta agree with PhoenixAzul's advice, though...seriously, things would be a lot better if I didn't feel like I was greeting a dead fish when I gave someone a darn handshake.

ETA: LMAO--

Hahahahaa...wtf?

[33girl]

OK, a couple posts back, someone said something about eating spaghetti with a fork being bad manners. What else on God's green earth would one eat spaghetti with? A pair of pliers?

I know we've had the "ma'am" discussion before. I am one of those people who's immensely offended by it. The only time I ever use that word is jokingly, to friends. As far as calling people Miss Firstname, I only recall one incidence of that in my life. It was a lady in my church who lived to be 100 and we called her "Miss Rose" since she had the same first name as her nephew's wife - therefore there were two Rose Lastnames. And I don't think people called her "Miss Rose" when they were conversing with her.

At one of my retail jobs, the company and therefore the people training us (this was a new store setup) were all from Tennessee. They were very big on the "Southern hospitality" thing and their version of customer service. Well - I have to say when they were on the sales floor, it did nothing but drive customers away. They were just too obsequious and cloying and the customers were annoyed because they wouldn't leave them alone. We like anyone who's serviing us to have manners and be polite, but that doesn't mean the same thing here as it does there. We want help when we want it, but when we say we don't - we mean that too.

[Dionysus]

Originally Posted by 33girl

OK, a couple posts back, someone said something about eating spaghetti with a fork being bad manners. What else on God's green earth would one eat spaghetti with? A pair of pliers?

It was me. The proper way according to some people (on another message board) is using a fork to twirl the spaghetti and then placing it on a spoon. In some restaurants, they even have a special spoon for spaghetti. I don't use it of course.

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by SororChic6

We're tough, it may be mistaken as rude.

No, it was just rude.

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by alum

There may be some Northerners who don't know how to raise their children to behave in public, but that certainly isn't representative of all residents above the M-D line. We also enroll our children in cotillion and etiquette classes to reinforce what they learn at home. I grew up in the North but lived with Southerners for the majority of my adult life thanks to GEN Alum.

That being said, in terms of a default, I never would have allowed my kids to call my friends Miss Cathy and Miss Ashley as opposed to Mrs. Smith and Mrs Jones. To me, calling an adult by the first name even with a Miss or Mr. added, is the height of rudeness. However, if one of my Southern friends specifically asked to be called Miss Firstname instead Mrs. Surname, then I would have allowed my children to do so.

I agree. I was taught to never call an adult by the first name, even with a Mr. or Mrs., unless they gave you permission to do so.
Yes/No Ma'am or Sir is a must in terms of being respectful. (i'm actually quite astonished at whoever said they thought using those words in response to a question or when spoken to is considered rude or bitchy....that is ridiculous.) Also, if you didn't understand or hear something, "excuse me" is perferctly fine unless you plan on using it with a bad tone of voice.
Firm handshakes are always a must, standing when you are seated and people enter the room, men or women. You should shake hands with the man and greet the woman.