Bad Boys

[Munchkin03]

We've been going through this with one of our friends. He's a really nice guy, but right now he's dating this girl who has had a string of terrible men. They've been off and on for the past six months or so; she falls back to him whenever the other guys have hit her or ignored her enough. I think now he's realized that he was a bit of a doormat (one friend called the girl an emotional tampon), and has cut off all contact with her, thank goodness.

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by KAY10

Let me explain it this way. Here's what happens, the bad boys usually cheat, physically abuse and verbally abuse their women. After the bad boy is out of her life, and she gets older then she wants a nice guy, and when I say nice guy I'm speaking of a gentleman, not a whimp, of a man that's as soft as drug store cotton. Well the bad boy or thug has made her so insecure with herself by cheating on her or abusing her in some way that when she ends up with the nice guy, those insecurities are still there. Now he has to deal with the insecurities based on who she dated in her past. I hear it a lot. A lot of women love thugs. I mean when she's young, but when she gets older she starts thinking of a man that she can raise a family with, because she knows she can't raise a family with a thug. I just can't see being the rebound guy, especially after some thug. But women seem to get it confused. They tend to think because a guy treats his woman right, that he's soft. That's not true. To me the thugs are the ones that are soft. Any man who puts his hands on a woman will not hit a man. I know that. Now, to me, a man like that is definitely as soft as Rite Aid drug store cotton. The good kind too.

Interesting. I agree with you, although it's not always the 'thug' that mistreats a woman. It can be plain, everyday men too. I think sometimes they're more dangerous to women and their self-esteem because no one believes the woman when she says she's being mistreated by the 'pillar of the community' type guy. It's a shame all around.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally Posted by mulattogyrl

Interesting. I agree with you, although it's not always the 'thug' that mistreats a woman. It can be plain, everyday men too. I think sometimes they're more dangerous to women and their self-esteem because no one believes the woman when she says she's being mistreated by the 'pillar of the community' type guy. It's a shame all around.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. The absolute worst boyfriend I ever had--in terms of the way he treated me--was a "decent" guy in professional school who was from a nice family and had a lot of friends. He was the farthest thing from a 'thug' that you could possibly get.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by SOPi_Jawbreaker

I don't remember where I read it, but I had come across and article awhile back on this topic. Basically, it was about how girls don't want the "nice guys" because the "nice guys" take too long to make a move. Since they've been so careful not to even seem like they're anywhere near crossing any boundaries, she's already categorized him as platonic/non-sexual/eunuch friend material. If a guy wants to get a girl, he has to come across as a sexual being from the get-go. It doesn't necessarily mean be an asshole. But if you look at these assholes that treat women like shit, you'll see that they just walk around exuding their sexuality. A woman meets one of these bad boys and she can just instantly feel that this is a sexual man. If you want to be able to get a girl, you don't have to be an asshole, but you have to be kinda flirtateous. Gently touch her or lean in close when you talk to her. Let her know from the get-go that you're interested. Because if she's not getting these signals that you're interested, you'll get mentally lumped into the same compartment as her brother. And once she's subconsciously labeled you as a non-sexual being, you've got no chance with her.

That's what I'm talking about. Women like this are pretty stupid to me. Not you, but women who think like this. Guys that come off as making moves 1st and being very aggressive, 9 times out of 10 guys like this just want those draws. Next thing you know she's sitting there with her panties around her ankles just like the other 15 women he has on the side. Later he's no where to be found until he wants some more. Then when she ends up pregnant, he's gone for good. She can't get him to pay child support, because he's probably broke and living off of some other woman who loves bad boys and works everyday while he's living in her house, sitting on her couch, eating her food with one hand in his underwear watching Judge Judy or some show that comes on during the day when most people are at work. So what does she do? She tries to find the nice guy who's responsible, someone she can start a family with. If he falls for it, he's the biggest fool alive. I had several women who were interested in me, and I was talking to them for a minute, trying to get to know them, but when I found out that they've dated thugs in the past I left them alone. That's why I take a while before I make the 1st move. I have to see what type of girl she is. If she thinks I'm taking too long, oh well.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

We've been going through this with one of our friends. He's a really nice guy, but right now he's dating this girl who has had a string of terrible men. They've been off and on for the past six months or so; she falls back to him whenever the other guys have hit her or ignored her enough. I think now he's realized that he was a bit of a doormat (one friend called the girl an emotional tampon), and has cut off all contact with her, thank goodness.

Yeah, she's pretty jacked.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by mulattogyrl

Interesting. I agree with you, although it's not always the 'thug' that mistreats a woman. It can be plain, everyday men too. I think sometimes they're more dangerous to women and their self-esteem because no one believes the woman when she says she's being mistreated by the 'pillar of the community' type guy. It's a shame all around.

Thugs come in all shapes sizes and colors. Some are rich and some are broke. Some wear their pants hangin' off their butts with super clean Timberland hiking boots with the tag still visible ( I hate that crap). Some are doctors and lawyers who wear Ralph Lauren suits and Johnston and Murphy shoes. I blame the women who stay with soft men like this and I blame the nice men who date these women. I actually blame the nice men more because they're not smart enough to know they are just the rebound guy. I've had women tell me it's not working out, and then come to find out she's dating a guy that looks cool on the outside, but in reality is treating her badly. Then she tried coming back to me, and like an idiot I took her back. She had gotten so insecure from him making her that way, I had to let her go. I was naive then. I wouldn't give a woman like that the time of day now. I can see her coming a mile away.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by AchtungBaby80

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. The absolute worst boyfriend I ever had--in terms of the way he treated me--was a "decent" guy in professional school who was from a nice family and had a lot of friends. He was the farthest thing from a 'thug' that you could possibly get.

Was he a frat boy?

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

some guy from the re-nnainance said "to get the angel, you must play the part of the devil" i think he was right. Levi. I think. Or Da Vinci or uh...Robert Bacon maybe. I don't know. Some bacon would be good right now.

Yup, that's sooooooo true.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by OtterXO

All women don't like bad boys (I'm defining bad boys solely as the guys who treat women like crap). Immature women and/or women with issues will be attracted to a guy who treats her in a manner that is less than she really and truly desires. It's usually a self esteem problem where the woman will put up with being treated badly because she thinks that's all she can get. So really, you should be happy those women aren't attracted to you because you're sort of dodging a bullet by not dating them (in a sense).

However, when guys complain about women not liking "nice guys" it's typically because the guy in question is a doormat or too eager to please the woman. There is a difference between being a nice, good guy and being a doormat.

Well, that's it. Why does he have to be considered a doormat because he's eager to treat her like a lady? It's the bad boy who's the doormat, because he's a loser.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by starang21

women still want a man who's a man. soft/sensitive/cry-baby dudes don't get the girls.

A man who treats a lady like a lady is a man. Anything less are considered boys to me. He should support her physically, emotionally and spiritually. Take her coat off for her, open the door for her, pull her chair out for her ect. It's the simple things that get the ladies dude. I don't understand what the big deal is. Men that do this are not cry babies and are far from being soft. I grew up seeing my dad do these simple things for my mom and they've been married for 43 years. I dunno it's just how I was raised.

[macallan25]

A man who treats a lady like the lady is a man????

I don't know why but this sounds extremely odd.

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by KAY10

Thugs come in all shapes sizes and colors. Some are rich and some are broke. Some wear their pants hangin' off their butts with super clean Timberland hiking boots with the tag still visible ( I hate that crap). Some are doctors and lawyers who wear Ralph Lauren suits and Johnston and Murphy shoes. I blame the women who stay with soft men like this and I blame the nice men who date these women. I actually blame the nice men more because they're not smart enough to know they are just the rebound guy. I've had women tell me it's not working out, and then come to find out she's dating a guy that looks cool on the outside, but in reality is treating her badly. Then she tried coming back to me, and like an idiot I took her back. She had gotten so insecure from him making her that way, I had to let her go. I was naive then. I wouldn't give a woman like that the time of day now. I can see her coming a mile away.

So when you say 'thug', you don't necessarily mean the drug dealer from the street corner, but a man that mistreats women in general?

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by KAY10

A man who treats a lady like a lady is a man. Anything less are considered boys to me. He should support her physically, emotionally and spiritually. Take her coat off for her, open the door for her, pull her chair out for her ect. It's the simple things that get the ladies dude. I don't understand what the big deal is. Men that do this are not cry babies and are far from being soft. I grew up seeing my dad do these simple things for my mom and they've been married for 43 years. I dunno it's just how I was raised.

I think what starang is saying is women like their men strong, well I do anyway. I like a man who has a strong character and who can be my rock. I don't want a man who's scared to say something to the next man if he disrespects me. I want a man who will stand up for his family. In other words, I don't want a punk. I want strength and courage. That doesn't mean I want a man that beats me, but I want to feel protected by my man. Although I can't spreak for all women, I think that's what many women want in a man. Not saying that women don't also want sensitivity and understanding from their man, but I think some women like more of that and some like a little less. It just depends on the woman.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by KAY10

A man who treats a lady like a lady is a man. Anything less are considered boys to me. He should support her physically, emotionally and spiritually. Take her coat off for her, open the door for her, pull her chair out for her ect. It's the simple things that get the ladies dude. I don't understand what the big deal is. Men that do this are not cry babies and are far from being soft. I grew up seeing my dad do these simple things for my mom and they've been married for 43 years. I dunno it's just how I was raised.

and a woman doesn't want a man who's soft either. a man who is masculine can do all of those things and still not be a bitch.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by KAY10

A man who treats a lady like a lady is a man. Anything less are considered boys to me. He should support her physically, emotionally and spiritually. Take her coat off for her, open the door for her, pull her chair out for her ect. It's the simple things that get the ladies dude. I don't understand what the big deal is. Men that do this are not cry babies and are far from being soft. I grew up seeing my dad do these simple things for my mom and they've been married for 43 years. I dunno it's just how I was raised.

Yet again, this is a matter of personal preference. If a guy tried to take my coat off for me or pull out my chair, I'd be very annoyed.

And what does it mean to support someone physically or spiritually?