My Boyfriend's Fraternity Hates My Sorority

[maconmagnolia]

Originally Posted by thetalady

I am SO glad that you came to this conclusion!! You deserve SO much better than this kind of crappy, "we are so much better than you and your sisters" attitude from him. What an ass.

Amen. Good luck to you, OP. I hope you realize that you and your sorority sisters are wonderful women who deserve better! You'll find guys who actually want to spend time with you and deserve to do so.

[snowflakemom]

There are probably good reasons why your sorority is mixing with the fraternities that they do mix with--it sounds like you should be socializing with these guys that value your sorority. You'll probably meet some great guys!

The social climber guys in college usually end up being the social climber guys even when they're in their 40's and think, do you really want to end up with that?
(no offense against social climbing but if it's not your thing, you'll be miserable living the social climbing life)

[DubaiSis]

My chapter definitely did not have the social schedule that most of the sororities on campus had, which always bugged us. We had an exchange scheduled for one night with a fraternity we definitely did not dig. It also coincided with a chapter visit from an ELC. She completely berated us for being exactly what we didn't like about the fraternities who thought they were too good for us. She told us to put on our big girl pants, suck it up and have a good time regardless of the guys or the letters over the door. We did and we did and we did, and it is one of the more memorable exchanges for my 4 years in college.

So do THAT.

And by the way, with the nature of my chapter, I can't imagine us having an exchange every week. Some chapters had them more than once a week. That is a lot of pressure to be FUN. It would have been nice to have a couple more per semester to give us a more well-rounded social experience, but I don't regret being in a more subdued chapter probably seen as boring by the others.

If there are 10 fraternities on campus and you are mixing with the bottom 5 (sorry, in this conversation, I think ranking is the only way it will work), work on that #6 fraternity, not the #1 or #2. Invite #6 to work on your philanthropy with you or something else that isn't Homecoming or Greekweek. That's a lot to ask if they've never mixed with you before or in so long that nobody remembers.

[navane]

Originally Posted by Jp685

Obviously I wouldn't want to mix with a fraternity that doesn't enjoy our company. And now that I know my boyfriend is in the same mindset as the rest of his brothers....I'm kind of done with his fraternity in general :/ And I might be in the market for a new boyfriend lol.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! And I think it would be poetic justice for a guy to be dumped by a girl from a so-called "lesser sorority".

[DubaiSis]

Sometimes a person THINKS they have problem A when in truth they have problem B. She came here looking for ways to improve her sorority's relationship with a fraternity. With a little counsel she realized they're (both the fraternity AND possibly him) not worth it. This is one example where seeking advice from strangers can be helpful. The same advice from people closer to the problem might have been brushed off as cynical, too aggressive, giving up too easily, whatever.

[DrPhil]

In that case, I don't understand this thread. I hope the OP doesn't jump to relationship conclusions based on Greekdom and Greekchat.

[Jp685]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

In that case, I don't understand this thread. I hope the OP doesn't jump to relationship conclusions based on Greekdom and Greekchat.

I know breaking up with a boy over the greek system is probably stupid, but he was just so pretentious and exclusive. Like I can go to their parties and bring a couple sisters with me, but the only reason I can do that is because I was dating a brother. If any of my sisters tried to go to a party without me, they wouldn't be allowed in. It's just childish like grow up. They know my sisters and they aren't bad people but because they aren't a "higher tier" sorority- nope sorry can't come in we're full. I just don't feel like putting up with that shallow mindset anymore. It just brings me down and makes me think I'm not good enough either when I know in reality we are all equal. We're all college students, we all got into the same school, and we all have the same requirements to graduate. It's just annoying. Plus like other people said after college he will still probably be in the same mindset and hanging out with the same brothers that don't like my sisters. It's just going to be more drama, and I don't have time for that. I'd rather meet a nice boy that gets along with me and my friends lol.

[DrPhil]

Other than Greekdom, what are your issues?

[Jp685]

Issues with my boyfriend?

I mean he's not necessarily the gentleman type. His idea of taking me out on a date is taking me to a party at his dirty fraternity house which are always fun, but still I'd rather go see a movie or eat dinner than have random guys try to hit on me at a party. And sometimes at the party he just leaves me to socialize with random people while he shotguns with his brothers in the backyard. I've let it go because the parties are fun, but I feel like I deserve better treatment. It's too much greek life for me like sometimes I need to get away and just relax at home with my sisters. And when I tell him I don't want to go to a party, he gets really sad like "But I love having you there it's only a fun party when you're there with me" so I kind of get guilted into going every time. And when only a couple of my sisters are there it's not as fun because I can't take all my friends to his parties only a couple. I'd rather just do things with my sisters than be treated poorly by him. I guess I just let it all go before, but I guess his views on my sorority really just opened my eyes to see that I could do a lot better.

[AOX81]

I joined a sorority to meet and hang out with people other than my boyfriend...we had been together for a about 4 years before I rushed...

The fraternity that my boyfriend was in did not exactly care to hang out with my sorority and the feeling was mutual with most of my sisters.

I didn't care! I had so much fun at the mixers with all the OTHER fraternities and sororities!

[DrPhil]

Exactly, AOX81.

If the OP's (ex?) boyfriend is an unworthy asshole, let it be for reasons beyond Greekdom.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Exactly, AOX81.

If the OP's (ex?) boyfriend is an unworthy asshole, let it be for reasons beyond Greekdom.

I think that was everyone's point here. Her boyfriend wasn't a jerk until he told the OP her sorority was less than his in the manner that he did. A gentleman may have said, "I'd love for my fraternity to hang out with your sorority, but I just don't see it happening because of what occurred in the past. Sorry. But you're more than welcome to invite some sisters to our parties." Instead, he sounded like an immature, stuck up a-hole. It had more to do with how he spoke to her and the fact that he didn't seem to care whether or not he hurt hurt her feelings.

When I first joined my sorority, I was hanging out with fraternity ABC more than any other, but a lot of our sisters were dating members of XYZ (and 4 of them are now married to those brothers). We mixed with them a lot, and our sweetheart was an XYZ. I didn't care. On Friday nights, I would go to ABC and a lot of my sisters would go to XYZ. No big deal.

You can't force something that neither chapter wants.

[amIblue?]

I have two thoughts.

Originally Posted by Jp685

Like I can go to their parties and bring a couple sisters with me, but the only reason I can do that is because I was dating a brother. If any of my sisters tried to go to a party without me, they wouldn't be allowed in. It's just childish like grow up. They know my sisters and they aren't bad people but because they aren't a "higher tier" sorority- nope sorry can't come in we're full. I just don't feel like putting up with that shallow mindset anymore..

1. Sounds like a bunch of really douchetastic men. I've rarely heard of a fraternity that gives a rats behind about what letters women have. Girls are allowed into fraternity parties. Almost always.

Originally Posted by Jp685

Issues with my boyfriend?

I mean he's not necessarily the gentleman type. His idea of taking me out on a date is taking me to a party at his dirty fraternity house which are always fun, but still I'd rather go see a movie or eat dinner than have random guys try to hit on me at a party. And sometimes at the party he just leaves me to socialize with random people while he shotguns with his brothers in the backyard. I've let it go because the parties are fun, but I feel like I deserve better treatment. It's too much greek life for me like sometimes I need to get away and just relax at home with my sisters. And when I tell him I don't want to go to a party, he gets really sad like "But I love having you there it's only a fun party when you're there with me" so I kind of get guilted into going every time. And when only a couple of my sisters are there it's not as fun because I can't take all my friends to his parties only a couple. I'd rather just do things with my sisters than be treated poorly by him. I guess I just let it all go before, but I guess his views on my sorority really just opened my eyes to see that I could do a lot better.

Sounds to me as if he wants to party with his friends and make sure you're available for the after party. I don't know you, but you deserve better.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I think that was everyone's point here. Her boyfriend wasn't a jerk until he told the OP her sorority was less than his in the manner that he did. A gentleman may have said, "I'd love for my fraternity to hang out with your sorority, but I just don't see it happening because of what occurred in the past. Sorry. But you're more than welcome to invite some sisters to our parties." Instead, he sounded like an immature, stuck up a-hole. It had more to do with how he spoke to her and the fact that he didn't seem to care whether or not he hurt hurt her feelings.

When I first joined my sorority, I was hanging out with fraternity ABC more than any other, but a lot of our sisters were dating members of XYZ (and 4 of them are now married to those brothers). We mixed with them a lot, and our sweetheart was an XYZ. I didn't care. On Friday nights, I would go to ABC and a lot of my sisters would go to XYZ. No big deal.

You can't force something that neither chapter wants.

You are typing about Greek stuff. I encourage the OP to get over the Greek stuff and see whether he is an overall asshole.

"Gentleman" is extremely subjective. Adding extra words or even a soft voice and smile does not change the point being made. It also doesn't make him a gentleman. This is all based on the OP's wording of what she claims he said.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Sounds to me as if he wants to party with his friends and make sure you're available for the after party. I don't know you, but you deserve better.

She says he wanted her at the parties. Some people have a difficult time multitasking when they are in social settings. For example, I used to have a difficult time hanging with siblings and high school friends when they visited me in college. I wanted my siblings and high school friend to just blend in and make their own fun whereas my siblings and high school friends felt they needed a formal invitation when I was sitting and talking with other people.

Even if he didn't want her at the parties, have you all never had a different social circle than your significant others?

I don't know what the OP and her boyfriend deserve but I haven't read anything in this thread that sounds like a deal breaker