Needing help fitting in despite rough circumstances.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by lunalovegood

Guysguysguysguysguys.

All of those things... don't replace friends, family, sisters. Sometimes I don't need to talk to a counselor; I need a hug from a friend. Or someone to take me out to Starbucks and chat with their day about me, or someone to watch a movie with me. I want to be able to listen to my sisters about their lives and their problems. I don't need them to know about the rape and my entire life story. I want to know how I can better reach out to them and be a normal, functioning, loving sister despite what I am currently going through.

I'm grateful for all the advice I've received; I'm just trying to better communicate my needs.

Like I said, it's really hard to know how to tell you to do that without knowing more about the makeup of your chapter and your school. But no one wants you to give details to the point where you would out yourself.

If it seems that people are being reluctant to give you advice, it's just that they don't want to say something that might backfire. I could say, yes, go ahead and reach out to your sisters, and everything will be fine, and they will all respond with open arms, regardless of anything you've done the past semester. But I went to a small public school in the Northeast 20+ years ago. This may be EONS from the school/Greek system you are at now. My advice may be equivalent to a steaming pile of poo.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If it seems that people are being reluctant to give you advice, it's just that they don't want to say something that might backfire. I could say, yes, go ahead and reach out to your sisters, and everything will be fine, and they will all respond with open arms, regardless of anything you've done the past semester.

My advice was intended to be general. It's what I'd tell anyone who was screwing up this badly. I have no idea if it will work. OP may not be able to recover those relationships.

My collegiate chapter would be be pretty pissed at this point. OP is drinking, sleeping around, cutting, and failing classes. The chapter has no explanation for what is going on with her. They'd be embarrassed and mad.

If OP doesn't want to explain to the chapter, the only thing OP can do is straighten up her act and do her best to be a good sister. If she stops acting out, eventually the chapter may realize that she isn't the psycho she seemed to be in her first semester. It's going to take a lot of time, though.

I'd probably apologize to my Big, too. OP has put her in a terrible position. I wouldn't expect a parent or professional to be able to stop someone from cutting, and OP's Big has been trying to take responsibility for that. She's just a college student. It's an entirely unfair that anyone expects that the Big should be in a position to manage another sister's psychiatric problem. If I were the Big, I'd pull back, too. OP says she "just wants a friend," but she's also expecting that her Big will help her NOT cut by patrolling her life for sharps. That's not a friend. That's a psych nurse.

[33girl]

I didn't mean you, and I wasn't criticizing your advice, it was good advice. The OP just seemed to be wondering why there wasn't more people telling her what to do throughout the thread.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I didn't mean you, and I wasn't criticizing your advice, it was good advice. The OP just seemed to be wondering why there wasn't more people telling her what to do throughout the thread.

I think it boils down to the same reason our bar-admitted GC friends don't hand out legal advice. This isn't some girl asking how to get recs or what to wear to pref.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I think it boils down to the same reason our bar-admitted GC friends don't hand out legal advice. This isn't some girl asking how to get recs or what to wear to pref.

Probably the best advice is to talk to your counselor about it and get some professional, practical advice on how to proceed.

[AZTheta]

And I might bang this drum (which has been tapped in this thread already): talk to an advisor, stat.

Based on what the OP posted, from an advisor standpoint, I'd be looking at her as a significant risk/scholarship challenge, without knowing the circumstances of her situation. Advisors can help, and can be a great resource, in terms of the membership issue(s).

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by AzTheta

And I might bang this drum (which has been tapped in this thread already): talk to an advisor, stat.

Based on what the OP posted, from an advisor standpoint, I'd be looking at her as a significant risk/scholarship challenge, without knowing the circumstances of her situation. Advisors can help, and can be a great resource, in terms of the membership issue(s).

Yes, yes, yes. i also said this earlier in the thread. Advisors are more understanding than collegiate members often give us credit for and one of the reasons collegiate chapters have advisors is for them to help the college members-but we can't do that if the collegiate members won't talk to us.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by KDCat

Probably the best advice is to talk to your counselor about it and get some professional, practical advice on how to proceed.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by KDCat

Probably the best advice is to talk to your counselor about it and get some professional, practical advice on how to proceed.

Originally Posted by AzTheta

And I might bang this drum (which has been tapped in this thread already): talk to an advisor, stat.

Based on what the OP posted, from an advisor standpoint, I'd be looking at her as a significant risk/scholarship challenge, without knowing the circumstances of her situation. Advisors can help, and can be a great resource, in terms of the membership issue(s).

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

Yes, yes, yes. i also said this earlier in the thread. Advisors are more understanding than collegiate members often give us credit for and one of the reasons collegiate chapters have advisors is for them to help the college members-but we can't do that if the collegiate members won't talk to us.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

All of this has been said since the beginning of the thread. Apparently the OP doesn't want THIS advice. I doubt she'll like the other good advice given either that to make friends you have to be a friend. She's in a tough situation, but joining a sorority doesn't mean things magically get better. Emotional scars don't just go away because you're an XYZ. "Sister" don't automatically know you need a shoulder to cry on. It's hard work recovering from this trauma, and it takes hard work to build relationships in a sorority. There's no free lunch.

[AGDLynn]

My dear sister!

I sent you a pm.

LiEP
Lynn

[lunalovegood]

I talked to my big yesterday and she let me know that our adviser knows what happened, and I'm planning to talk to her (referring to the adviser, but I need to talk to my big) when the semester starts up again.

I think I got what I needed to hear, and thank you guys for all being supportive. Even to those of you who were harsher because it was stuff I, as I said, needed to hear.

[melindawarren]

Originally Posted by lunalovegood

I talked to my big yesterday and she let me know that our adviser knows what happened, and I'm planning to talk to her (referring to the adviser, but I need to talk to my big) when the semester starts up again.

I think I got what I needed to hear, and thank you guys for all being supportive. Even to those of you who were harsher because it was stuff I, as I said, needed to hear.

I'm glad to hear it. Have a wonderful New Year, and let it be a year of you recovering and rebuilding.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by melindawarren

I'm glad to hear it. Have a wonderful New Year, and let it be a year of you recovering and rebuilding.

ditto! Hugs to you luna.