What did I do wrong?

[APhiAnna]

If your college is a more selective college, then the problem is that even though you have incredible grades, activities, and positions, it is likely that every other PNM has the same level of grades, activities and positions. You all did get into the same school.

For example, if you are at at school where a person with a 2.5 GPA can enter, then the grades are going to range from 2.5 all the way up to 4.3 women who got scholarships. But what if the acceptance rate is trickier? What if you essentially need a 3.7 to get in to your college? Your 3.85 is going to look considerably less impressive. Not only that but the chapters may not even care that much about grades, seeing as 95% of the PNMs are coming in with outstanding high school grades.

In my opinion, rush ANYWHERE at ANY SCHOOL boils down to conversation. Grades and activities do matter, but at the end of the day if you come off as abrasive, or shy, or boring or a spazz then they are going to release you in favor of somebody with the same grades and activities but who is outgoing, genuine, hilarious or classy.

If you plan to rush next year, I would work on conversation. Asking questions is great, but if you ask TOO many questions you can easily fade into that "I don't really remember her" category. Maybe you asked insightful questions about philanthropy the whole time, but when the next PNM came to the active they talked about the active's favorite TV show or shoe designer the whole time...who do you think is going to stand out in the rusher's mind? Philanthropy and housing points and positions are all very important, but you do have to remember you are being rushed by 18-21 year old women. At the end of the day, most would rather have a sister that they can go out with or watch a TV show marathon with or goof around with in class.

If sophomores routinely get bids at your school, then you may have a shot next year. But, like KSU Violet said, "what is going to be so different about you next year?" I'd focus on conversation and meeting new people. Buy and read and re-read and re-re-read Dale Carnegie's "How to Make Friends and Influence People"...you would be surprised at how simple and how effective this man's advice is. It is a classic for a reason. Join organizations, not just to have them on your resume but to meet as many people as possible. Go out and be social at parties, meet as many people as possible, but also don't be that girl who blacks-out/pukes/shacks too much/does drugs/smokes, etc. And meet people to meet them, not to get into their sorority...we can smell that from a mile away.

Good luck!

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

If you plan to rush next year, I would work on conversation. Asking questions is great, but if you ask TOO many questions you can easily fade into that "I don't really remember her" category. Maybe you asked insightful questions about philanthropy the whole time, but when the next PNM came to the active they talked about the active's favorite TV show or shoe designer the whole time...who do you think is going to stand out in the rusher's mind? Philanthropy and housing points and positions are all very important, but you do have to remember you are being rushed by 18-21 year old women. At the end of the day, most would rather have a sister that they can go out with or watch a TV show marathon with or goof around with in class.

I don't think it's so much that the conversation is not "fun" when you ask questions, but more that your rusher isn't learning about what it'd be like to hang out with you.

[AXOPCC]

The one thing I have not seen written here so far, is that while sometimes it IS something you did .... sometimes, it's just not.

On the larger campuses, with hundreds of PNM's, at the top houses, it's so much of a numbers game that you may not have been actively discussed as a "cut" at all. Rather, your score averages could have been just a hair too low, and one or more groups were asked to invite back fewer PNM's than expected, and you got swept out in that process. The numerical difference between the girl who stays and the girl who goes, could be as little as .03 or .04 of a point.

So, if you know you looked fine and had good conversations, and did not spend each and every conversation using the word "I" over and over (as it appears, used often, in a post above this one), then perhaps you should just move forward and not take it so very personally.

Next year, you'll stand out because you'll have earned tip-top grades, and you'll have solid activities to talk about, interesting but not "stalkerish" questions to ask about each house, and will have an even more sophisticated look.

Yes, it's tricky at some schools to go through as a second-year student, but "stellar sophomores" typically do just fine. Chapters like freshmen because it's four years of dues -- but a 2nd year who is a great role model for her first-year sisters, is always a bonus!

[als463]

Originally Posted by tifferini

Recruitment for my school's sororities was this last weekend.
And I went in with an open mind on who I wanted to join. I didn't start forming opinions until day 2. During day 1, I thought I did really well with certain 3 houses (the conversation flowed, there wasn't any awkward silences). And it was because the conversation went really well that I ranked these houses as my top 3 (out of 6 sororities). But on day 2, I found out that I was only invited back to two sororities for house tours. Neither of those two houses were my top choices.

I was just wondering if there was anything I did wrong for my top choices to not pick me? I know it's a mutual selection. And it's not like I dressed inappropriately or talked about other sororities. I asked lots of questions, asked them about their sorority involvement, told them of my own involvement in school, etc.

Another note: on preference night, I was invited back to the sorority that I didn't feel any connection with. I went to preference night but I decided to drop out of recruitment afterward. But apparently they really liked me since one of their sisters personally called me and asked me to reconsider my choice and giving their house another chance. This made me feel really guilty because they were all really nice, I just didn't feel like I belonged there. I told them I wasn't going to join this semester but I'll keep an open mind for spring rush as well as next year.

Nope. I DON'T feel sorry for you! It is a MUTUAL selection. Apparently the ones you wanted didn't want you back. Get over it! There are some great women that you turned down because, even though you CLAIM you went into recruitment with an OPEN mind-you didn't! If you truly had an open mind you would have realized that there was a chance to meet great women who could be your sisters. They liked you and you turned them down.

It is like dating. You had the opportunity to be with the nice guy who really wanted to treat you right and tell you how awesome you are, but you are sitting at home-waiting by the phone, for the guy who isn't thinking about you and doesn't want you. I don't feel sorry for you! I would rather a woman tell me that she took another NPC's bid and enjoyed her time as an XYZ over telling me she sat around-just waiting-for Phi Mu to call her back and give her a bid. Go enjoy the women who want you. Take this time to give back and do something incredible w/ yourself by doing a philanthropy with the women that want you.

You won't get any sympathy from me.

[tifferini]

Originally Posted by als463

Nope. I DON'T feel sorry for you! It is a MUTUAL selection. Apparently the ones you wanted didn't want you back. Get over it! There are some great women that you turned down because, even though you CLAIM you went into recruitment with an OPEN mind-you didn't! If you truly had an open mind you would have realized that there was a chance to meet great women who could be your sisters. They liked you and you turned them down.

It is like dating. You had the opportunity to be with the nice guy who really wanted to treat you right and tell you how awesome you are, but you are sitting at home-waiting by the phone, for the guy who isn't thinking about you and doesn't want you. I don't feel sorry for you! I would rather a woman tell me that she took another NPC's bid and enjoyed her time as an XYZ over telling me she sat around-just waiting-for Phi Mu to call her back and give her a bid. Go enjoy the women who want you. Take this time to give back and do something incredible w/ yourself by doing a philanthropy with the women that want you.

You won't get any sympathy from me.

First off, I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm asking for advice. There's a difference, in my opinion.

Secondly, I went into recruitment with an open mind on the first day. I started to form opinions at the end of the first day as to what sororities I would like to join.

Originally Posted by als463

Jen, I have to somewhat disagree. Maybe the dating analogy wasn't very good (I'm not always good at giving perfect analogies), but we can all agree that (for the most part) women who go through recruitment and say they didn't "feel comfortable" or didn't "fit in" it is because they thought they were "Too Good" to be in that organization. I fail to believe that of all the NPC chapters there (which all have something incredible to offer) she couldn't find ANYTHING good about that one particular organization.

Please realize that I have no idea where she goes to school. She may go to a school with no chapter of my organization, so this isn't about getting defensive about my GLO-it is about how disgusted I am that women say they go in with an open mind, yet they decide to drop out because the chapter that actually wanted them didn't "fit" them. I don't believe it. I don't feel sorry for her. She will not be getting any sympathy from me.

In fact, I did find something about this chapter that appealed to me. They had a very strong sisterhood, stronger than all the other chapters on campus. And it's not that I think I'm better than the girls in this chapter. It was just during recruitment, these girls didn't have very good conversations with me, as opposed to the other houses. They were very serious, whereas, the other chapters were fun and carefree. I don't know if it was due to nerves or anything, but it just came off as being a shy sorority.

Originally Posted by Kansas City

Could this attitude have shown through and perhaps lead to your recruitment results? At least on my campus, it may have.

I didn't mean as in I'm gorgeous or anything. I just meant, that on Bid Day, I saw a lot of girls that weren't very pretty wearing the Bid Day shirts of the sororities that I liked. And I'm not saying they don't deserve it. It was just confusing because if that sorority was all consisted of gorgeous-looking women, I would understand why I wasn't picked. But it wasn't because of appearance, so I was wondering what other factors were there.

[als463]

Originally Posted by tifferini

First off, I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm asking for advice. There's a difference, in my opinion.

Secondly, I went into recruitment with an open mind on the first day. I started to form opinions at the end of the first day as to what sororities I would like to join.



I didn't mean as in I'm gorgeous or anything. I just meant, that on Bid Day, I saw a lot of girls that weren't very pretty wearing the Bid Day shirts of the sororities that I liked. And I'm not saying they don't deserve it. It was just confusing because if that sorority was all consisted of gorgeous-looking women, I would understand why I wasn't picked. But it wasn't because of appearance, so I was wondering what other factors were there.

Wow, you must really think you are something. Apparently those "ugly" girls got what you wanted. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they had better attitudes and more of a personality. In fact, I wished you luck earlier. Now, I wish the NPCs on your campus luck in NOT giving you a bid and finding women who actually deserve a bid. Women like you give sororities a bad name. It is all about "looks" and "popularity" for you-right? It's about being SELFISH and caring only about how those letters look across your chest....right? You are a joke! How about you go find a site where people will pat you on the back and tell you that you didn't deserve to be cut. You won't get much sympathy here. With an attitude like that-you'll only get a laugh from some of the members.

Once again, I don't really care how mean this comes off. I hope all the sororities are able to see right through you.

[indygphib]

Originally Posted by als463

Wow, you must really think you are something. Apparently those "ugly" girls got what you wanted. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they had better attitudes and more of a personality. In fact, I wished you luck earlier. Now, I wish the NPCs on your campus luck in NOT giving you a bid and finding women who actually deserve a bid. Women like you give sororities a bad name. It is all about "looks" and "popularity" for you-right? It's about being SELFISH and caring only about how those letters look across your chest....right? You are a joke! How about you go find a site where people will pat you on the back and tell you that you didn't deserve to be cut. You won't get much sympathy here. With an attitude like that-you'll only get a laugh from some of the members.

Once again, I don't really care how mean this comes off. I hope all the sororities are able to see right through you.

Agreed. Perhaps the groups were "intimidated by her hotness"?

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by indygphib

Agreed. Perhaps the groups were "intimidated by her hotness"?

I'm convinced that she was lookin like Predator.

[Katmandu]

Originally Posted by tifferini

In fact, I did find something about this chapter that appealed to me. They had a very strong sisterhood, stronger than all the other chapters on campus. And it's not that I think I'm better than the girls in this chapter. It was just during recruitment, these girls didn't have very good conversations with me, as opposed to the other houses. They were very serious, whereas, the other chapters were fun and carefree. I don't know if it was due to nerves or anything, but it just came off as being a shy sorority.

In the end, sorority life is about sisterhood, bonds and connections, not looks, socials and status. This chapter, in your own words, had a very strong sisterhood, stronger than all the other chapters on campus. Perhaps they came across as serious, rather than carefree, because they saw in you, a woman that could connect with that bond they experience. Perhaps their sisterhood is so important to them that it is difficult for them to chitchat about it in light and humorous ways. Some chapters are like that, and if you are lucky, they want you as a sister for life.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by tifferini

In fact, I did find something about this chapter that appealed to me. They had a very strong sisterhood, stronger than all the other chapters on campus. And it's not that I think I'm better than the girls in this chapter. It was just during recruitment, these girls didn't have very good conversations with me, as opposed to the other houses. They were very serious, whereas, the other chapters were fun and carefree. I don't know if it was due to nerves or anything, but it just came off as being a shy sorority.

I would bet that amongst themselves, they are just as if not more funny and gregarious as the other groups on campus. They just don't do well in the fakiness and superficiality of sorority rush.

And the fact that you have talked about your looks so much leads me to believe that you expected them to carry you farther than they did. That worked in high school. It doesn't anymore.

[lyrelyre]

Originally Posted by tifferini

But it wasn't because of appearance, so I was wondering what other factors were there.

You can't think of any other bases for forming relationships and making friends?

[fleudelis]

NO, don't contact the president. Contact the president of Panhellenic. You don't want to look needy. You could find out where that chapter does some philanthropic work and volunteer there. It would give you something in common and an opportunity to meet some of the chapter members and create a chance for friendships to develop that could lead to invitations to go out and meet more of the girls. Then when spring rush rolls around you will know more of the members and it will hopefully be a better experience for you. At least you will know if it's as good a fit as you thought it might be.

[Bella796]

Some other factors to consider:

1. Did you wear some Lilly- there is NO way a sorority would choose you unless you don't wear Lilly.
2. Did you wear fake pearls? again NPC has stricked rules about that.
3. Did you let them know where you summer? I know that if you don't summer in the right places, forget about getting a bid.

Those might be some reasons you were cut. Maybe the ugly girls were just better than you.

I am so just kidding btw, the OP needs to get over herself and stop stereotyping that only looks count. Your little comment about not so attractive girls getting bids made me realize it was probably your personality. You may think about changing it because you're not going to get far in life.

[KSUViolet06]

*I find that there are alot of chapters who tended to come off a certain way during recruitment than what they actually were. Example: There was one that PNMs consistently thought "only cared about school and grades" when most people who were in the Greek system knew that this chapter had a fairly active social schedule like every other group.

[tifferini]

Okay seriously... I don't know if its the fact that I don't know how to put what I mean into words. But I'm not pretty. I'm plain and average. I'm not saying other girls aren't beautiful. The only reason I talked about appearance was because someone misunderstood what I mean about "It wasn't appearance-based." One person said, "Maybe you weren't pretty enough." And I replied with, "I know its not appearance." I didn't mean this to be like I am the pretty one. I meant that I look like these girls who got into the sororities I liked. The ones that weren't the most beautiful because I know I'm not the most beautiful.