Helicopter Parents' Retro Recruitment Thread

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by icelandelf

I want to read about retro tales that also include pantyhose with sequins up the back.

I'm still bummed about that. It was so much better than TV.

I'm for giving disappointed parents a designated section, but being as devoid of common sense as some of them appear, I doubt they will use it.

I also want to go ahead and say I think it's an issue that goes way beyond GC and we need to step up individually so the nut jobs don't succeed in creating a completely useless generation dependent on their parents for everything.

I want to emphasize that I don't think that even half (or even a quarter?) of the parents on GC are really helicopter types, but the ones who are should get no satisfaction here.

I don't think rudeness is the answer, but don't validate the ones who are overstepping.

(This is an issue I unfortunately have had ample opportunity to observe. What seems to happen is that the nutty ones, rather than being condemned for being the nut-job-offspring-cripplers they are, get what they want for their kids in the short term. Other parents then begin to wonder if their normal parenting is actually neglectful and begin to copy the helicopter style. Then the helicopters have to kick it up a notch even further to demonstrate their devoted parenting (because it is really about their fear of being inadequate rather than anything to do with the kid), and we're just in a terrible race to ruining a generation or two. We need to quit enabling the helicopters to mistake their over-involved yet dysfunctional parenting for good parenting. It can be as harmful or worse in result for the individual kids as neglectful parenting, and it's sure as heck worse for the rest of us.)

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

Why in the Chit Chat thread?

Because if it were in a Recruitment Forum, it would have been deleted pronto.

/Just sayin.

[Army Wife'79]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

(This is an issue I unfortunately have had ample opportunity to observe. What seems to happen is that the nutty ones, rather than being condemned for being the nut-job-offspring-cripplers they are, get what they want for their kids in the short term. Other parents then begin to wonder if their normal parenting is actually neglectful and begin to copy the helicopter style. Then the helicopters have to kick it up a notch even further to demonstrate their devoted parenting (because it is really about their fear of being inadequate rather than anything to do with the kid), and we're just in a terrible race to ruining a generation or two. We need to quit enabling the helicopters to mistake their over-involved yet dysfunctional parenting for good parenting. It can be as harmful or worse in result for the individual kids as neglectful parenting, and it's sure as heck worse for the rest of us.)

This is so true. Back in MY day, parents never set foot in a high school until graduation day or maybe attend a Science Fair or something. In grade school we had room mothers who baked cupcakes for birthdays, that's it. Nobody had Parent Teacher conferences. If your parents had to go to school for a conference, that was VERY VERY bad. If you were doing fine and not a problem, no need for a conference. I have been made to feel guilty by peer parents for not watching my son (when he was in HS) at every practice and game. It is HIS hobby, HIS sport, not mine. I don't make him watch me quilt for 2 hours a week which is my hobby. I attended 2 games a year just to show support but the other Mom's thought I was almost abusive for not going to the games. I had the entire team over for dinner senior year which is a lot more effort than sitting in bleachers! I watched D at her yearly dance recital but certainly didn't watch every practice (which other Mom's did as they had one way glass and chairs set up to watch the girls). I think we are way too obsessed with our kids today and that's why they turn into "boomarang kids" and move back home when they can't function in the real world.

[lake]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Because if it were in a Recruitment Forum, it would have been deleted pronto.

/Just sayin.

Exactly. And I was being sarcastic. Sorry to offend.

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Because if it were in a Recruitment Forum, it would have been deleted pronto.

/Just sayin.

Why? Are there TOS violations here we've missed?

[justabeachbrat]

We need to quit enabling the helicopters to mistake their over-involved yet dysfunctional parenting for good parenting. It can be as harmful or worse in result for the individual kids as neglectful parenting, and it's sure as heck worse for the rest of us.)[/quote]

Didn't mean to bust up your quote (UGAalum94), but this involvement of helicopter parents in recruitment is only a reflection of what is going on in the working world.

A friend of mine is a newspaper editor in Texas. When we both graduated we were expected to be able to write a story on deadline and if anyone didn't, they were replaced. There was no calling mom/dad saying the boss was being mean or unfair. Had I done so, my mom or dad probably would have asked if I'd lost my mind.

Now, when my editor friend attempts to work with new graduates, some get teary eyed, and she has received some calls from a few parents, wanting to know why she was being so cruel to their child. Another friend has demoted himself out of management, in part, due to helicopter parents.

There was a segment on one of the morning shows on how a Wall Street firm of all places is trying to cope with the helicopter parents of prospective and new employees. They have a parents' day so the parents can feel less stressed and better about their child's work situation.

So, now that I am back in class for grad school, if I don't get what I want, maybe I'll call mom.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DeltAlum

Why? Are there TOS violations here we've missed?

You're the Mod. You tell me.

I personally don't see any, but I doubt the Recruitment mods would see it the same way you and I do.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

This is so true. Back in MY day, parents never set foot in a high school until graduation day or maybe attend a Science Fair or something. In grade school we had room mothers who baked cupcakes for birthdays, that's it. Nobody had Parent Teacher conferences. If your parents had to go to school for a conference, that was VERY VERY bad. If you were doing fine and not a problem, no need for a conference. I have been made to feel guilty by peer parents for not watching my son (when he was in HS) at every practice and game. It is HIS hobby, HIS sport, not mine. I don't make him watch me quilt for 2 hours a week which is my hobby. I attended 2 games a year just to show support but the other Mom's thought I was almost abusive for not going to the games. I had the entire team over for dinner senior year which is a lot more effort than sitting in bleachers! I watched D at her yearly dance recital but certainly didn't watch every practice (which other Mom's did as they had one way glass and chairs set up to watch the girls). I think we are way too obsessed with our kids today and that's why they turn into "boomarang kids" and move back home when they can't function in the real world.

People are watching PRACTICE? That is insane! My parents came to almost all of my meets (living a block from the high school helps) but they never came to a practice. That's nuts. Those ladies need jobs.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

I have been made to feel guilty by peer parents for not watching my son (when he was in HS) at every practice and game. It is HIS hobby, HIS sport, not mine. I don't make him watch me quilt for 2 hours a week which is my hobby. I attended 2 games a year just to show support but the other Mom's thought I was almost abusive for not going to the games. I had the entire team over for dinner senior year which is a lot more effort than sitting in bleachers!

I'm certainly not going to call you abusive, but I think there is a big difference between being a helicopter parent and going to my kids' games. If my son was playing football or basketball or whatever, I'd be at every game -- not because I thought he couldn't do it without me or needed my help (the marks of helicopter parents), but because I would want to watch him play.

I watched D at her yearly dance recital but certainly didn't watch every practice (which other Mom's did as they had one way glass and chairs set up to watch the girls). I think we are way too obsessed with our kids today and that's why they turn into "boomarang kids" and move back home when they can't function in the real world.

I would never watch all the dance practices (or sports practices) either. But where I live lots of parents stay and watch the practices because there really isn't time for them to go anywhere else.

I can vouch for my two parents who never missed a game, recital, play or whetever that any of us were involved in, and they were about as far from helicopter parents as parents come -- their job, as they saw it, was to render themselves unnecessary.

Support =/= hovering. It's all in how it's balance.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by DeltAlum

Why? Are there TOS violations here we've missed?

Who cares? Why the hell is it here?

The mods of this forum effectively hide any criticism in the Random thread, but let this go on - can you see how that might be, you know, inconsistent?

[srmom]

I can vouch for my two parents who never missed a game, recital, play or whetever that any of us were involved in, and they were about as far from helicopter parents as parents come -- their job, as they saw it, was to render themselves unnecessary.

Support =/= hovering. It's all in how it's balance.

Amen! My parents never came to anything I did and it sucked, big time! Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but I wish they would have been a bit more involved in what I had going on.

I have tried to make it to my kids events, not because they need me there, but because I want to be there. Now that two are off at college, I am so glad I went to their games and other important (to them) events because all that stuff ends way too soon.

Now, parent's night at the school is a different story I like to at least let a teacher know that I am on her side, and if she needs me to whip some bootie, I'll do it - but that can all be handled by email!

[UGAalum94]

Going to games: great; they are kind of designed for spectators. Same with recitals. It's good to send the message that you care about their success in their hobbies, but they shouldn't be playing mainly for that.

But staying and watching practice is a whole different category and even it you don't have any place to go, you should leave or at least clearly communicate that you aren't watching by reading a book, walking to the other side of the park, whatever.

Kids should have times when they work with other adults and their peers without mom and dad around so they have some practice for other situations later in life, as well as just being able to enjoy playing.

The adults who work with the kids should have the chance to work with them sometimes as just the team without an audience. (Not that they should ever say or do anything they wouldn't want mom and dad to hear or know about, just that it's a pretty unnatural dynamic to be forming authentic leadership relationships when you do it in front of an audience all the time.)

I don't mean leave your kid open to predators, but when you kid is at high school sports or band practice with the rest of the team, you don't need to stay there. Or when your youth league runs background checks and you've known the coach for ten years, you can probably leave your kid with them for a public practice with the rest of the team.

If a kid grows up with very little experience doing anything without his or her parents there, you're kind of warping him or her. And while, yes, they are bound to have some experiences without their parents, it's particularly the situations working with other adult supervisors that will end up being important in employment later.

And one other factor to consider is again, how the small number of nuts can ruin something. If there are 20 kids on the team, and 19 normal moms or dads watch practice and hang out, what are you going to do about the one truly helicopter parents who is using that time to do weird or destructive crap, like keep practice stats and argue for playing time or spread malicious gossip. It really does happen, and I think it'd be less likely to happen if everyone didn't treat practice like a spectator event.

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Who cares? Why the hell is it here?

The mods of this forum effectively hide any criticism in the Random thread, but let this go on - can you see how that might be, you know, inconsistent?

Well, I care because I'm supposed to. Trying to enforce the TOS is a big part of what moderators do.

It's here because someone started it here and chit chat is supposed to be kind of a grab bag.

Guess we'll just disagree, as usual, on the rest.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

But staying and watching practice is a whole different category and even it you don't have any place to go, you should leave or at least clearly communicate that you aren't watching by reading a book, walking to the other side of the park, whatever.

Very true, and I probably should have added that the parents who stay at dance practice never pull up a chair and watch -- they might peer in through the window every now and then, but that's it. They read or visit.

If I'm the hanging around parent, I go to the comic shop next door and get my geek-fill.

[Army Wife'79]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Very true, and I probably should have added that the parents who stay at dance practice never pull up a chair and watch -- they might peer in through the window every now and then, but that's it. They read or visit.

Unfortunately my D's studio wasn't like that at all. These were cut-throat Mama's who sat and observed with an eagle eye, taking notes and commenting on who needs to watch their weight (they all looked anorexic to me) and whose "turn out" wasn't as good as it should be. I tried to sit and quilt there but their behavior made me sick so I had to leave and come back an hour later.
These were high school age girls!