Cheating a different perspective . . . - Page 2

AlexMack · #16 05-21-2007, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

No one is perfect. Of course there's gonna be some negative things in a person's character, but why even get involved in a relationship if you're gonna cheat. Just continue to sleep around and just don't commit. I think that's so wrong to play with someones feelings like that.

If you're a serial cheater I agree, but on the other hand, there are always extenuating circumstances. Sometimes you're just a huge jackass/bitch. Other times you don't realize your relationship is over until after you've done the deed (the deed being whatever you define cheating as. Kissing, sex etc.). I would be very upset if someone cheated on me but it's usually a sign that's there something wrong anyway.

cheerfulgreek · #17 05-21-2007, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by centaur532

If you're a serial cheater I agree, but on the other hand, there are always extenuating circumstances. Sometimes you're just a huge jackass/bitch. Other times you don't realize your relationship is over until after you've done the deed (the deed being whatever you define cheating as. Kissing, sex etc.). I would be very upset if someone cheated on me but it's usually a sign that's there something wrong anyway.

There's no excuse for it to me. If I was in a bad relationship and he wanted to cheat, I would at least expect him to talk about it with me. If he still wants another woman, then I would rather have him end the relationship rather than to cheat. I just can't figure out why people even get involved in a relationship when they're going to cheat.

Kissing, and sex are definite definitions of cheating to me. There are also emotional affairs as well. All of it is so wrong.

AlexMack · #18 05-22-2007, 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

There's no excuse for it to me. If I was in a bad relationship and he wanted to cheat, I would at least expect him to talk about it with me. If he still wants another woman, then I would rather have him end the relationship rather than to cheat. I just can't figure out why people even get involved in a relationship when they're going to cheat.

Kissing, and sex are definite definitions of cheating to me. There are also emotional affairs as well. All of it is so wrong.

Not everyone expects to cheat, a lot of people do not plan on cheating. We all have weak moments and I think it's unfair to generalize about everyone who has ever cheated (and that may as well be everyone according to your definition).
What you consider to be cheating actually pushed me to find the courage to break off a relationship that had been near death for about 6 months prior to the act. I guess I just believe there are extenuating circumstances for each individual. Some people are scum, some are not. Some are serial cheaters and some may cheat once and then never do it again because they felt so damn guilty.

cheerfulgreek · #19 05-22-2007, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by centaur532

Not everyone expects to cheat, a lot of people do not plan on cheating. We all have weak moments and I think it's unfair to generalize about everyone who has ever cheated (and that may as well be everyone according to your definition).
What you consider to be cheating actually pushed me to find the courage to break off a relationship that had been near death for about 6 months prior to the act. I guess I just believe there are extenuating circumstances for each individual. Some people are scum, some are not. Some are serial cheaters and some may cheat once and then never do it again because they felt so damn guilty.

o.k. centaur I understand that. I'm just saying that if you get the desire to cheat, leave the guy before you do it. Don't just stay with him and cheat on him at the same time. I don't really believe in different kinds of cheaters. A cheater is a cheater. Even if he's done it once, he's still a cheater.

AlexMack · #20 05-22-2007, 12:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

o.k. centaur I understand that. I'm just saying that if you get the desire to cheat, leave the guy before you do it. Don't just stay with him and cheat on him at the same time. I don't really believe in different kinds of cheaters. A cheater is a cheater. Even if he's done it once, he's still a cheater.

Somehow I doubt a quick phone call to break up with the guy quickly before you start doing whatever with another guy is going to do it.
I'm not saying that cheating once means you're not a cheater; I am saying that it can be a unique situation which will never repeat itself again. Therein lies the difference.

cheerfulgreek · #21 05-22-2007, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by centaur532

Somehow I doubt a quick phone call to break up with the guy quickly before you start doing whatever with another guy is going to do it.
I'm not saying that cheating once means you're not a cheater; I am saying that it can be a unique situation which will never repeat itself again. Therein lies the difference.

I would break up with a guy in a heartbeat if he cheated on me just once. If I'm not cheating then he shouldn't either.

Maybe some people don't repeat it, but how would I know that? I would break up with him and move on because it's just not worth staying in a relationship like that. People think the grass is greener on the other side, when most of the time it's not.

AlexMack · #22 05-22-2007, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I would break up with a guy in a heartbeat if he cheated on me just once. If I'm not cheating then he shouldn't either.

Maybe some people don't repeat it, but how would I know that? I would break up with him and move on because it's just not worth staying in a relationship like that. People think the grass is greener on the other side, when most of the time it's not.

If I cheated, my relationship is dead in the water anyway. I cannot wrap my head around people who cheat and stay in their relationships. That's one thing I agree with you on.

cheerfulgreek · #23 05-22-2007, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by centaur532

If I cheated, my relationship is dead in the water anyway. I cannot wrap my head around people who cheat and stay in their relationships. That's one thing I agree with you on.

What didn't you agree with?

So you would break up with the guy if you weren't happy, rather than cheat on him right?

AKA_Monet · #24 05-22-2007, 01:05 AM

^^^A loving relationship is not "tit for tat". It should not be about, wait until my partner cheats... You should KNOW if your partner will cheat. Polyamorous experiences tell you the predilection.

I purposely knew and know that my husband does not have the predilection towards cheating. Aside from my ability to do the "Swan Move" from the Kama Sutra and Tantra, he would realize that he would have to find a psychic mind bender that would make him fathom leaving me.

Besides, it cheapa to keep har... So he leaves me, HALF HIS CHIT... It just is not worth jacking off on a ho.

No, really, I don't know if my husband would pull that mess. I have to trust him that he respects his vows...

As far as a different cultural perspective: I dunno? Folks do it with "Springer style". I don't think it would be anymore acceptable anywhere if a couple has made a formal commitment. But you cannot be do anything else to the other person if your signficant other stops loving you, and decides to look elsewhere.

cheerfulgreek · #25 05-22-2007, 01:10 AM

But don't you think he should just leave and move on before he cheats if he's not happy? Don't you think communication is important in making a relationship work? I'm not saying that it will always keep an unhealthy relationship healthy but I think it's worth a try rather than just giving up on everything you've built together.

AKA_Monet · #26 05-22-2007, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

But don't you think he should just leave and move on before he cheats if he's not happy? Don't you think communication is important in making a relationship work? I'm not saying that it will always keep an unhealthy relationship healthy but I think it's worth a try rather than just giving up on everything you've built together.

Communication is very important for any relationship. That is the standard. But communication is not only verbal, it practically has to be telepathic...

Reality states that folks won't leave because there is too much of a risk. Some people want to have their cake and eat it too. Some folks don't think that they will get caught.

The issue is that you don't select a significant other that lacks strong moral convictions. I know my husband had it before I married him. I have experience what that looks like.

The other issue about communication is that it is not always a 2-way street...

cheerfulgreek · #27 05-22-2007, 01:38 AM

What do you mean by telepathic? That's a gift isn't it? Not everyone has that ability.

I guess you're right about the communication. It takes two for that to happen.

AKA_Monet · #28 05-22-2007, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

What do you mean by telepathic? That's a gift isn't it? Not everyone has that ability.

I guess you're right about the communication. It takes two for that to happen.

Yes, honey. Telepathy... Full on psychic ability and put thoughts in his head... You need to know his thoughts, his mind, his strength and practically be able to predict the future. Yes, it is a gift that one must practice and hone their skills. And woe to the one who is unable to make that happen.

cheerfulgreek · #29 05-22-2007, 01:57 AM

So for example, if I was married or in a serious relationship, and since I don't have a telepathic gift, you don't think my relationship would work?

AKA_Monet · #30 05-22-2007, 02:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

So for example, if I was married or in a serious relationship, and since I don't have a telepathic gift, you don't think my relationship would work?

Let's put it like this: You know how your mom has "'eyes in the back of her head"? "Lover's telepathy" is the same kind of thing...