Wedding gifts

[honeychile]

Originally posted by AOIIsilver
If the couples have registered china, find out the maker and pattern then call Barron's. they are usually MUCH cheaper than even "sale" prices in department stores. I also check out ebay. I once got a HUGE vase in a Lenox china pattern (over $200 in the store) for $70 new in the package....
Silver

Doesn't Ross-Simon's do the same thing?

Living so close to the Lenox factory, I just love it when friends opt for Lenox! Just remember to let the Registries know what you've bought, though!

[Lady Pi Phi]

This is a great thread. One of my best friends is getting married in June and I was wondering how much I should gover her.
I'm giving her cash because she really doesn't need any household items. Her and her fiance have been cohabitating for almost 2 years now so they've already collected the household items that they need.
But I wan't sure how much cash to give. I don't have a lot of money, but I don't want to seem cheap either.

[mu_agd]

Originally posted by DWAlphaGam
I'm with cutiepatootie in terms of dollar amount. I also always go off the registry rather than giving cash because I think it's more fun to open gifts, and also if you give cash, it will probably go towards bills rather than buying stuff they need (although bills are important, too).

that's exactly what i think.. two of my closest friends from school both got married last year. i gave them gifts off their registry of around $100 for the wedding, as well as getting them engagement and shower gifts. when my sister got married last summer, i spent a bit more on her gifts.

[AEPhiSierra]

wow - this thread just made me realize how expensive Brooklyn weddings are. As a poor college student I spend around $75. When I have real job I would expect to spend at least 100-125. A bit more if its a close friend and also a bit more if I come with a guest. For showers I usually spend around $50.

[AOIIsilver]

I think the area of the country makes a difference, too. A nice silver or silverplate frame is considered a gift in good taste here in my area of TN.

Weddings vary so much. Mr. Silver and I renewed our vows with a full-blown wedding for 100 people this past summer. I even bought most of the dresses for the bridesmaids, etc. and the whole thing was $2,000 including the flowers, reception, a huge photography package with 4 albums and gift photo for each family who attended, and the dresses for almost everyone.

Silver

[James]

I also think registry is tacky. Does anyone else? Although I am not sure why I do . . .

ITs basically just a way for a department store to clean-up.

Originally posted by kddani
She totally understands that her friends don't have much money, and make sure to put inexpensive stuff on her registry (which we had to fight with her to even make- she thinks its tacky (as do I), but she has every kitchen gadget under the sun and no one had any idea what to get her).

[honeychile]

This should probably be its own thread, but I went to a shower once where the four bridesmaids gave the bride a washer & dryer!! Even divided by four, that was a LOT of money for a shower present, IMHO!

[greeklawgirl]

Originally posted by James
I also think registry is tacky. Does anyone else?

My mom is very anti-registry. I don't particularly care for it either, but I don't have the animosity towards it that she does. I think my distaste for it has something to do with this idea that you are asking for gifts (which, really, no one is obligated to give although its a very thoughtful and generous thing to do.). The Greek custom is not to register, because most first-generation Greek families will give cash as a gift.

I registered over my mom's objections because that's the custom of my husband's family and friends. I have no complaints--we received beautiful gifts that are treasured mementos of our wedding.

Depending on who is getting married, I usually purchase something off the registry (like a place setting of china) or give money. We usually end up in the $100-$200 dollar range.

[33girl]

I think that while registries can seem like you're fishing for gifts...it also is very very helpful to the guests. No one wants to get a duplicate or a pattern/color the couple hates.

Plus nowadays, people have often lived on their own for a while and might have certain things...it's no longer the bride getting married at 18 straight out of her parents house and having NOTHING so that pretty much anything you got was fine.

For example, if the time ever comes for me I have my mom's china and my grandma's silver. I would hate for people to purchase those things when I don't need them.

[Munchkin03]

Being that I don't know too many people my age who have gotten married, I haven't had to figure out how much to spend on wedding presents. My sister, who had 2 of her best friends marry within a 6 month time frame, spends about $250 or so...but then again, those were local weddings, so there were no travel costs.

[aephi alum]

Thanks for the info!

It seems that weddings in the Northeast US usually call for a more expensive gift. I think average for my wedding was around $150, and that was five years ago. We got some very generous gifts, and then we got gifts where it was obvious that the giver didn't put much time, effort, or money into it. But you get that with any event that calls for gifts.

I'm in favor of registries. We picked out china and silver patterns and registered for place settings and some serving pieces. I don't look at it as "asking for gifts" so much as "if you want to give us a gift, here are some things we'd like". We made sure to choose a wide range of items in terms of cost, since we had a number of poor starving grad students among our guests. Each of our guests gave something, and we totally understood when our poor starving grad student friends didn't give much - the important thing is that they were there on our special day.

What I don't like is when a couple includes those little slips of paper in their wedding invitations that say where they're registered. TACKY. A guest should call the couple or their families and ask if they're so inclined.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by aephi alum


I'm in favor of registries. We picked out china and silver patterns and registered for place settings and some serving pieces. I don't look at it as "asking for gifts" so much as "if you want to give us a gift, here are some things we'd like". We made sure to choose a wide range of items in terms of cost, since we had a number of poor starving grad students among our guests. Each of our guests gave something, and we totally understood when our poor starving grad student friends didn't give much - the important thing is that they were there on our special day.

What I don't like is when a couple includes those little slips of paper in their wedding invitations that say where they're registered. TACKY. A guest should call the couple or their families and ask if they're so inclined.

I completely agree - shame on the stores that hand out business cards that announce where you're registered! When I got married, I included gifts from $5 to around $200 - mostly on the low end (with the exception of china & silver). I also got a chance to suggest colors, so that I didn't end up with any *shudder* orange towels or such. Oh, and I'm using the singular since "that man" is out of my life now!

[pinkyphimu]

i have $50 weddings and $100 weddings. once i spent more than that, but she is one of my closest friends...and i was in the wedding. anyway, i prefer to give money for the wedding, but depending on what they have on the registry, i may pick something off the registry. ultimately, i use the registry for the shower. i really try to give a gift that is 1 1/2 times what they paid for my dinner. i certainly don't call up the bride and ask, but i try to guess based on where it is being held and how old they are. there was only one wedding that i am POSITIVE i didn't meet this expectation, and to this day i am embarassed. it was my first 6 months out of school and i had a very low paying job, plus, her father was this well respected surgeon, as if i had a chance to give a good enough gift! i am sure that some of their other guests more than made up for it!

since i live far away from most of my college friends, i tend to not get invited to their showers, bacholarette parties, etc. i do end up making it up in travel and hotel costs!

[juniorgrrl]

Originally posted by rho4life
If I'm in a wedding, I'm less inclined to buy a gift.

Why is that? IMO, being a bridesmaid shouldn't absolve someone from buying a present, simply because they spent money on a dress, travel, etc. Even if its a smaller gift because of the other expenses incurred, I think its gracious to give something to the couple as a gesture of good wishes.

When I was in a wedding last year, I spent about $200 on the dress and shoes. I gave her a $25 gift card as a shower gift, bought drinks for the shower and my FI and I bought her a place setting of china as a wedding gift.

Down here, cash is a big no-no. In general, I'll spend about $50 on a gift, more if I'm close to the person. The average wedding in NOLA probably runs about 35pp, so I feel like a $50 gift is fair.

[DWAlphaGam]

I'm going to be in the wedding of my friend since sixth grade next year, and I am definitely still going to get a gift - I would never dream of not getting them something! However, I am probably going to crochet them a blanket instead of buying a gift; it's relatively inexpensive but it will mean a lot more to them.