Wedding gifts
 

I thought I'd throw this question out for debate -

What's the "going rate" for a wedding gift in your area these days? What would you say is the dollar amount where if you spend less on a gift, you come across as cheap? Is it different for a first vs. second wedding? Is it most common to give cash, a gift from the registry, or a gift that's not on the registry but is unique in some way? Or a hand-made gift?

I've been thinking about this because my husband and I have been invited to three weddings this summer. We're inclined to be generous, especially since my husband will be in one of the weddings. I don't think any of the couples are registered (I need to double check) so I'm inclined to find a unique gift rather than giving cash.

Everybody my age usually spends around $50ish, and I think most of the parents spend in the $100 range. When younger couples I know get married, I put together sort of a "care package" off of their wedding registry - I'll buy them one of their hampers or laundry baskets and fill it with all the little things they need for their kitchen or bathroom or something like that - because normally most wedding guests look at the big ticket items, when no doubt they'd rather have handtowels and kitchen tools than a crockpot.

One great gift I saw was a winerack filled with a bottle from the years the bride and groom were met, the year they got engaged, etc. Very cute and thoughful.

I usually get a gift worth between $50 - $70. The registry is the way to go, especially since items are often on sale and you can get a $120 place setting for $70.

I think it depends on a few things, such the age of the person giving the gift and how well you know the couple.

My parents are old (my parents are the same age as my husband's grandparents) and they tend to be cheap. Like $25 or $30 on a gift. They did, however, spend about $50 on a gift for my best friend from when we were like 5. They thought that was too much.

We went to a friend's wedding (the type of friend you see once or twice a year, maybe?) back in September and we spent about $40. No shower gift (weren't invited).

My previously mentioned best friend - I spent $50 on her shower gift and $50 on her wedding gift. Similar rates for another friend who got married in June...and I was in her wedding.

Ok. This is from my personal experience of getting married in 2002 and having at least 10 friends get married in the past 3 years.

Here, most people my age (25) give gifts in the $25-50 range. Older folks and parents tend to give $50-100.

It depends on how well you know the couple. If they are a friend, I spend the higher of the range. If they are just work, school, or church acquaintances (sp?), then I usually spend the lower amount.

As for the registry issue: most people around here try and ask if you are registered. If you are, then 90% of the guests give off the registry. If you aren't then you get whatever people feel like giving you. (That also opens people up to getting a lot of recycled gifts, though...)

i say between $50 to $75 and if they are close friends i say between $50 to $100

I'm with cutiepatootie. But, if the couple is registered, I'd go with something from the registry. I know that I'd prefer to get a single spoon in our pattern than a "charming" mailbox with our married names on it.

Another great idea is to buy a nice basket (I usually go to the home depts of stores like Ross or TJ Maxx - then you can get a really nice basket for $10 or less) and then buy some nice ribbon in a color that matches their home. I usually then buy a lot of the towels and roll them up, tying with pieces of the same ribbon. You can also get other kitchen/bathroom stuff and wrap them in tulle and the ribbon. So you end up with a beautiful basket they can use again and all the little stuff.

This is probably best for a shower gift, not really formal enough presentation for the wedding.

Another great option if you're crafty but a little broke is to take those great sorority skills and make a photo album for the couple. Just get more formal fabrics than you would for little sister projects. For a friend that got married several years ago, I took burgundy satin and really nice beige lace (wedding colors were burgundy and beige) and satin flowers and made a really nice, professional looking album for her. Don't do this unless you can do a nice job though - it would be embarrassing to hand someone a pile of wrinkled fabric and glue gun marks. For my best friend's wedding, I gave her an album the morning of the wedding, it had some calligraphy I'd done with poems and quotes about marriage, photos of the couple, funny stories about them, and (best of all!) letters of good wishes from her friends and family that I had collected. She was really touched.

Can't you just give them cash? Like a hundred or so dollars and call it a day?

I like to exceed the cost of my dinner . . . .

I aim to spend $100 as a gift - always from the registry. If they don't have a registry I'll give cash. No point buying something they could hate. I'll guess on a shower gift, but not the wedding gift.

Currently it's $100 for me and my guest (as a pair). Once I graduate I'll probably up that to at least $150 or $200. Of course, depending on the couple. If you're having a huge wedding with your 300 closest rich relatives, I may be less inclinded to give a lot.

If I'm in a wedding, I'm less inclined to buy a gift. For people that I don't really feel that close to, and I think I was invited just to give them a gift, I give them a card at the wedding, and a nice first anniv gift/wedding gift. I am firm believer in the 1yr rule when I don't know the couple well enough to know if they'll stick together or not.

In terms of registry, I use it for family members, b/c I don't always know their personalities. For friends, I generally know what they want/need/will use. One friend in particular had only registered for flatwear b/c her mom made her, but my pal has NO interest in it, so I got her something naughty from Vicky's Secret.

If you think you were invited just for your gift, and you don't know the people that well, then you should just not go. IMO, going and getting a really nice FREE meal and entertainment for an evening is just as bad as inviting someone just for the gift. Heck, if they invited you, they at least shelled out some bucks in return to pay for your butt.

There is no 1 yr rule.... that's just an excuse for people who can't be bothered to get a gift together Traditionally, you're not even supposed to bring the gift to the wedding, you're supposed to have it sent to the bride's house (or parents' house) before the wedding. I know there's a thread on this stuff somewhere.

As for money, it really does depend on who it is. I was in college when my cousin got married, we're not close at all, and I was a broke college kid, so I spent about $25. Keep in mind that my parents did give a nice gift. Two of my close friends are getting married in the next year or so, and I'll definately spend more on them. When you're younger though, a non-bridezilla should understand you don't have the bucks. My friend Lisa is getting married in St. Croix, so if I go, not only do I have to pay for a wedding (and shower) gift, but for the trip itself. She totally understands that her friends don't have much money, and make sure to put inexpensive stuff on her registry (which we had to fight with her to even make- she thinks its tacky (as do I), but she has every kitchen gadget under the sun and no one had any idea what to get her).

One way to address costs...
 

If the couples have registered china, find out the maker and pattern then call Barron's. they are usually MUCH cheaper than even "sale" prices in department stores. I also check out ebay. I once got a HUGE vase in a Lenox china pattern (over $200 in the store) for $70 new in the package....
Silver

I'm with cutiepatootie in terms of dollar amount. I also always go off the registry rather than giving cash because I think it's more fun to open gifts, and also if you give cash, it will probably go towards bills rather than buying stuff they need (although bills are important, too).

OUCH!!!!

My dad's sister waited 15 years before coming up with a wedding present, because she didn't think they would make it. My brother & I grew up knowing that my dad's family disapproved of my mama (she's a Baptist, they were Lutheran). Now, we have to be forced to have any contact with them.