Wedding gifts

[aephi alum]

jess_pom, you should have received your own invitation. I think the rule is that anyone 16 or older gets his/her own invitation, married or not. If I were you, I'd go in with your parents on a gift. They don't show you the courtesy of sending you your own invitation... they don't get a separate gift from you.

Cream, you're right too, your fiance should have received an invitation. Spouses, fiances, and partners living together must always be invited together. If you two are not living together, he should get a separate invitation sent to his address. How recently did you get engaged? Does your cousin know you are engaged? Surely he does...

[chideltjen]

My friend is getting married in October and their registered at one place and there isn't much on it and they have quite a few guests. I'm hoping they'll find another place to register, but I don't think they are.

But I didn't realize that just giving cash is okay. I don't know why I didn't think about that... thanks for curing my stupidity.

I've also had a lot of luck with gift certificates. When I worked at Macy's people asked for GCs with our little wedding card cover things. And there is a website that old job went to get our Christmas gifts. Basically you can pick from all kinds of GCs or get one general GC and then let the couple pick what they want it to go to. giftcertificates.com is the site. And this officially ends my spam message.

[jess_pom]

Originally posted by kddani
I agree that that was quite rude of her! Any etiquette book for will tell you that. If you were in college or something,maybe that would be okay (i'm sorry, I don't remember if you're still in undergrad or not!)... maybe! But that's very rude.

Thanks everybody. I graduated college in May 2003 and moved to VA in Feb. 2004, so it's been more than a year and they definitely know I moved. And I know it's probably just the backwards farming community I hail from, they don't think things through, and you have to be married to be a "real" person. It just upsets me that my sister gets her own invitations, Christmas cards, etc., and I don't.

And my mom committed a faux pas by RSVP-ing my other sister's boyfriend. I yelled at her. The invite did not say "and guests".

I probably will get them a gift but there will be hell to pay if I don't get a thank you! To my address!!! Should I include my address in the card with the gift? That way they do have it.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by aephi alum
jess_pom, you should have received your own invitation. I think the rule is that anyone 16 or older gets his/her own invitation, married or not. If I were you, I'd go in with your parents on a gift. They don't show you the courtesy of sending you your own invitation... they don't get a separate gift from you.

Cream, you're right too, your fiance should have received an invitation. Spouses, fiances, and partners living together must always be invited together. If you two are not living together, he should get a separate invitation sent to his address. How recently did you get engaged? Does your cousin know you are engaged? Surely he does...

I became engaged on Feb 12th, the day before my birthday. Invitations went out a month or so later. We talked about my engagement at her bridal shower in March. The wedding invitation had two names: mine and my sister's. We're both over 16, 21, 25, 29... My mother and my sisters were also invited without dates.

She is a very nice and successful woman, but she just doesn't realize how to do things. She doesn't seem to have family, and the groom's mother passed away many years ago so she has no one to guide her. I kind of feel bad for her. I'm not taking it personally although my sister and mother are. My sister and I had received the bridal shower invitation, and called to say that we will all attend including our mother. She always attends family events. We had not realized that our mother had not received an invitation to the shower which arrived four days later.

Yeah, this is a mess. I am looking at it as how I should not plan my wedding. On the up side the wedding is at a nice facility on Long Island so the food should be good.

I'm just afraid that when I get there, they will ask where my fiance is.

[jess_pom]

Originally posted by jess_pom
Thanks everybody. I graduated college in May 2003 and moved to VA in Feb. 2004, so it's been more than a year and they definitely know I moved. And I know it's probably just the backwards farming community I hail from, they don't think things through, and you have to be married to be a "real" person. It just upsets me that my sister gets her own invitations, Christmas cards, etc., and I don't.

And my mom committed a faux pas by RSVP-ing my other sister's boyfriend. I yelled at her. The invite did not say "and guests".

I probably will get them a gift but there will be hell to pay if I don't get a thank you! To my address!!! Should I include my address in the card with the gift? That way they do have it.

An update on this wedding that will astonish all of you.

I did get a thank you note, at my parents' house, that first thanked me for the gift and card and then went on to apologize for the presence of alcohol at the reception. "Had we known about the alcohol sooner we would have stopped the serving of it. It was against both of our wishes and we apologize if it offended you."

I said to my family, the only reason they should be apologizing about the alcohol is because it wasn't an open bar!!! Our whole family is all WTF??? Especially since it was at a golf club, and planning events like I do for work, I know that if you say no to something the venue typically doesn't go against your wishes.

Oh, and my cousin is pregnant, and due in January. Those good Christian people are busy! My sister asked if it was going to be a premature 9 lbs. baby.

[AGDee]

If she doesn't have the baby early, then she may well have gotten pregnant on her wedding night. I got pregnant in April, found out the day after Mother's Day and had a due date of January 12th.

As far as the alcohol thing, my brother and his first wife got married in a small North Carolina town and they weren't sure what to do about alcohol. They simply waited until after dinner to have a champagne fountain so that those who were offended could leave at that point. It was a good way to handle it.

Dee

[roqueemae]

Originally posted by jess_pom
And I know it's probably just the backwards farming community I hail from, they don't think things through...

LOL! My community is backwards too. In the engagement announcement in the paper, the is usually a line about "Friends and Family are invited to attend" I take this as I invited my friends and family. I know others that see that as an open invitation for anyone in the community who considers themselves a "friend" should attend. I have heard this from both guests (It isn't crashing a wedding, we were invited) and brides (I wanted you to come even though I did not send an invitation. That is whay I put "friends and family... " in the paper!)

[UofISigKap]

Originally Posted by GMUBunny

Mr. Bunny and I are hoping to get the essentials more than anything else. Yeah, that quesadilla maker may be pretty cool, but we need sheets, towels, and something to iron with.

Looking through the pages and pages of registry items for the bazillion weddings I have this year, I had no idea what to buy. So, the above quote may have answered my question - basic items are best.

So now I have another question: Out of those items, what would people say is the number one item they want? Is it the towels, kitchen items?? (I don't want to go the gift card route since I like to buy presents. )

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by UofISigKap

So now I have another question: Out of those items, what would people say is the number one item they want? Is it the towels, kitchen items?? (I don't want to go the gift card route since I like to buy presents. )

For the weddings I'm in, the brides seem to really be hoping to get some of their china or crystal items.

[Buttonz]

As a boke college student, I can't spend much.

For wedding #1 I went to this summer, I gave them $36 (I couldn't afford more and wasn't planning on going, in the Jewish religion,multiples of $18 are always good). I'm friendly with both of them but not super close.

Had a sister get married and I (along with most of my sisters) couldn't go because I couldn't afford to go to Israel. I spent $50 on the gift, mainly a few of the smaller items from her registry, and about $30 on a shower gift.

For my sister' wedding, she got a ton of stuff off of her registry from my mom and grandmother's friends and cash from almost everyone else. Although my grandmother's friends some of them gave some really nice checks (up to $5,000!). My 4 friends that were invited, two went in together for a gift from the registry for about $75, 1 gave $36 and one gave nothing, using the excuse that there were to many weddings he had to attend that summer. No reason why he couldn't give $36 at all, seeing as how he spends more then that on a night out!

[Glitter650]

Originally Posted by AOIIsilver

I think the area of the country makes a difference, too. A nice silver or silverplate frame is considered a gift in good taste here in my area of TN.

Weddings vary so much. Mr. Silver and I renewed our vows with a full-blown wedding for 100 people this past summer. I even bought most of the dresses for the bridesmaids, etc. and the whole thing was $2,000 including the flowers, reception, a huge photography package with 4 albums and gift photo for each family who attended, and the dresses for almost everyone.

Silver

WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW'D YOU DO THAT ?!!! That the first DEPOSIT for my venue/catering was more than that =( never mind the photography and flowers. I think you need to lend your planning services out !



I think it depends on who's getting married ! I usually try to get something from the registry, (or find it somewhere they're not registered for less ! )

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by UofISigKap

So now I have another question: Out of those items, what would people say is the number one item they want? Is it the towels, kitchen items?? (I don't want to go the gift card route since I like to buy presents. )

If you know the bride well, or if you have a friend that is REALLY good friends with the bride, have them ask the bride. The bride might have preferences that they are willing to share. For example my sister registered for a bunch of stuff, but she REALLY wanted a certain set of dishes- so I made sure to buy her a couple of place settings of that (they were her mid-range dishes, not china, but not really casual either).

If you don't want to ask, then if they are just starting out, they probably need the basic stuff If they have been on their own for a while they might have the basics and really want that egg poacher!

[ComradesTrue]

Bumping this thread because a wedding invitation arrived yesterday that perplexed me.

On the invitation (which was very, very elaborate and expensive) was the phrase "No boxed gifts please."

What does that mean? Is it a slick way of only asking for cash? Or, would they prefer that I take the blender out of the box and put a bow on it for display???

I know in some parts of the country that cash is the typical (dare I say expected?) gift, but that is not the case where this wedding is. The couple are from, and getting married in, my homestate, where probably 90%+ of gifts come from a registry. The very few people who give cash are usually friends of the parents. I have never given cash, as I suppose in the same way some people are uncomfortable with registries, I am uncomfortable with cash.

Also, FWIW, let's just say that this couple is not strapped for money. At all. They are in their 30s and have very successful careers. This makes me even more uncomfortable with giving cash as a gift.

Since I will be 36 weeks pregnant at the time of the wedding, I am not able to attend as I won't be allowed to fly. My husband has not decided if he will attend. The bride is a friend of his (former classmate), but he feels bad for leaving me so pregnant with a toddler running around as well.

Anyone else ever heard of "no boxed gifts?"

Thoughts? Interpretations? Suggestions?

[Army Wife'79]

First of all, Miss Manners says that ABSOLUTELY NO reference to gifts should ever, ever, ever be on or in an invitation. She says the price of admission to a wedding is NOT a gift and they are two different things. I stronly suggest a copy of her book for this wealthy young couple. They may have the money but don't have the manners.
And "no boxed gifts". What the hay???? I would play dumb with the unboxed blender.

[APhi Sailorgirl]

I have no idea what "no boxed gifts" means, but I findy it very TACKY.

I would either send them a nice Miss Manners book (it's not boxed) if you're feeling esp nice or just a pretty card.

And no your husband shouldn't go, b/c it appears it is a money grab.