Trying to feel comfortable in new sorority

[33girl]

As I said, someone better versed in QAs than me will explain that. Suffice it to say it's not like a rollercoaster that can only hold x amount of people.

[tcsparky]

Let's say that there were girls there that only had daughter's top choice as their only choice. OK, them being guaranteed a bid to their ONLY pref chapter would not necessarily have edged her out. If they were ahead of her on the bid list, they would have been placed ahead of her regardless of whether or not they only had the one chapter. (The bid list isn't built by the chapter based on the chapter knowing the PNMs only had the one Pref.) The single-Pref girls would not have edged our daughter if they were lower on the bid list, but would possibly have ended up being quota additions themselves.

Bottom line- if quota was 60, and daughter was not in the top 60, then she didn't get a bid (of course, depending on how many of their "first bid list" the chapter took). Other women only having one Pref didn't affect daughter's bid.

Originally Posted by 33girl

First off, not all groups have a legacy guaranteed bid policy - even if they are at pref - so unless you saw that written on a website or policy handbook, I wouldn't assume that was a factor.

As far as girls with only that sorority left "edging out" your daughter because of guaranteed bids, that doesn't sound right either. Someone on here more versed in dealing with guaranteed bids and QAs will be able to explain that far better than I can.

[HappyMom2]

Thank you, DGTess. I think that is actually what helped make her feel better. Knowing that the girls who rushed her in that house really did want her, but there just weren't enough spots. So, it isn't really a rejection. It is just a disappointment. And hopefully she'll meet some great friends in her sorority. I just hope it happens soon, so she can be happy and start thinking about something else!

[ASTalumna06]

Another thing for her to be cautious of (because she is still talking to members of her top choice): if your daughter ultimately chooses to drop her current sorority, don't let it be because of anything members of her top choice said to her.

In other words, make sure no one is promising her that if she rushes again she'll get a bid from them. I don't know the membership selection practices of other sororities or chapters, but it is safe to assume that one member does not make the final membership selection decision by themselves. There are many things that factor into the process, and the last thing your daughter would want is to drop because someone told her she's "guaranteed a bid", only to have her end up disappointed on bid day.

If she drops, the only guarantee is that she'll be taking a risk.

[HappyMom2]

My daughter wouldn't have felt comfortable telling her 2nd and 3rd choice that she wanted to be somewhere else. I just know she's been replaying what she could have, should have, would have done. She also is wondering if maybe she should have put her 3rd choice 2nd. No matter what, it is over and she can't turn back time. The reasons she wasn't high enough on the bid list don't matter anymore and we understand that. But she can't help but wonder what if.

Everyone says that it is easy to get lost in a really big school if you aren't part of Greek life, so maybe she will stay with it. In the meantime, not only is she trying to concentrate on getting to know girls in her sorority, she is looking at other things on campus that she can get involved with. She is used to disappointments and always seems to handle them well. So, hopefully this will end up with a happy ending too!

[HappyMom2]

That is a very good way to look at it! I really appreciate everyone's input and advice!

[Titchou]

One of my dear PH friends got her second choice and was not happy about it at first. She eventually came to love her group, was a collegiate consultant for them her year after graduation, was a Greek adviser and eventually served as a national Vice President on her group's Council. It can turn around!

[HappyMom2]

Ok. It doesn't matter either way. Without going into too much detail, she knows without a doubt that the ones she met liked her and knowing that has made her feel better. Now she's just hoping to make friends in her sorority like she has in the other one. I know she's not alone and I will pass all of this on to her when I get to talk to her again. Sounds like getting involved is the key. I hope she will!

[HappyMom2]

I noticed she put her sorority letters at the top of her Instagram bio! That's a sign that she's settling in. I think she's starting to make some friends already!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by HappyMom2

I noticed she put her sorority letters at the top of her Instagram bio! That's a sign that she's settling in. I think she's starting to make some friends already!

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by HappyMom2

I noticed she put her sorority letters at the top of her Instagram bio! That's a sign that she's settling in. I think she's starting to make some friends already!

Great! She may need a few gentle reminders that she's only been in her sorority for a week and it probably took her months or even years to make her bff's from home.

[ladybug12]

Good luck to your daughter. I hope she is meeting more sisters in her new chapter and is feeling more at home.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like we could just draw names out of a hat and match PNMs to any chapter on a campus and things would work out 90+% of the time. All of our NPC groups are so similar in our values and passion for academics and philanthropy.

So called "tiers" and social status with some fraternities are the only things that separate most chapters. And I know that is very important to an 18 year old but not so much for a 60 year old (with much wisdom).